A Zelda Twist
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"A Zelda Twist", part 1

A Zelda Twist

By: The Eagle

Note from the author: In this interesting tid bit of Hyrule history we find the Borg taking over Hyrule. We also meet 2 new characters, Knil the changeling and Pie the fairy tinted ever so much like a Lemon meringue pie. In this English Humor I chose not to use the word Bloody because I rarely do. Read this very enjoyable (or else) and rather interesting (or else) story novel. Have a nice Yesterday.

{This Fan-Fic is only to be viewed on this site. If found on any other sites besides Kasuto.net than you will be punished by the forces of Rabbits and Mutant Goats.}

The Collect Phone Service
Part - Part 1 of the Collect Phone Service.

Narrator: It has been several years since we last heard from Link, Hero of Time. Recently he proposed to Malon and has sold his treehouse to Hyrule Realty, and Hyrule has also gone into an age of prosperity. But that doesn't go without its troubles.

Link: OH NO!!

Malon: What is it Link?

Link: There was a fly on my sword.

Malon: Oh, your precious sword!

Link: But not as precious as you...

Narrator: Link and Malon got close together when suddenly there was a knock on the door.

Door: Knock Knock!

Link: Who's there?

Door: stranger

Link: Come in!

Narrator: A man dressed in torn clothes and a long red beard walked in holding a broken chipped sword.

Link: Grim reaper!!

Stranger: Link, I've been searching for many years for you.

Link: Who are you?

Stranger: I am King Meldrar of AAAHH.

Malon: He died!

Link: no he didn't he's fine.

Meldrar: Link, please help my kingdom, here's a map to get there.

Link: This map is ancient!

Meldrar: actually I bought it yesterday, it fell in the water on the way.

Link: Oh...

Malon: Link, will you give me a kiss before you leave?

Link: Sure...

Narrator: just as Link and Malon are about to kiss Meldrar sneezes.

Meldrar: AAA-CHOOO!!

Link: I better go Malon.

Malon: Okay, Good-bye.

Narrator: Link ran outside to get Epona and left on his way. After a few hours he came up to Gerudo valley and realized he had the map upside down and left for Lake Hylia. Link swam out to the edge of lake hylia where the map showed there was a river leading out of it.

Link: I guess I'll have to bomb it.

Narrator: Link held a bomb above his head then dropped it into the water.

Link: Okay, I'll just have to be manly and hold the bomb above my head...

Narrator: Link held the bomb above his head and closed his eyes.


Narrator: After the smoke cleared Link saw a horrible thing! A spider was on his face, that and the wall didn't break.


Narrator: Suddenly a purple fairy floated up to him.

Fairy: You can't get through that way!

Link: And how would you know?

Fairy: Cause I'm Lemonmeringuepie the only fairy in Eluryh but you can call me Pie!

Link: how do you pronounce that?

Pie: What?

Link: Where you are from.

Pie: El-yoo-ree.

Link: So how do I get there?

Pie: See that huge sign over there pointing to that cave?

Link: yeah...

Pie: Go through there and you should appear near Eluryh Lake.

Link: Thanks Pie!

Narrator: Link traveled through the Cave of Never Ending Mooing until he reached a giant lake with birds chirping in the sky and fish screaming for help from the fishermen.

Fishermen1: Ello there!


Fishermen2(with a canadian accent): Don't mind him.

Link: Where am I?

Fishermen1: Lake Eluria.

Fishermen2: Your not from around here eh?

Link: No.

Pie: Catch any fish yet?

Fish: Luckily no.

Fishermen2: he should shutup eh?

Fishermen1: Yes.

Narrator: Fishermen1 threw a rock at the fish.

Fish: HHEEELLLPP-blub-

Link: Have you seen anything strange around here lately?

Fishermen2: well recently Rin Rin Ranch was suddenly sucked into the ground, you should go check it out eh?

Link: Yeah, thanks!

Narrator: Link journeyed across many rocks, and stubbed toes when he finally came to Eluryh Field. He looked to the center of the field and saw a large dirt mound.

Link: That must've been Rin Rin Ranch...

Pie: If there were any survivors they would have gone to Duckafreako Village.

Link: Great, but first I need to find the town market to stock up on supplies.

Pie: you go west to the Market and I'll go to Cloakerie Rain Forest.

Link: Okay.

Narrator: Link traveled for nearly 5 minutes when he came to the market. He looked around the Market for swords, shields, and magazines when he found a magazine called Complete Truth. He turned to the first page titled: Prince Adlez can predict- the rest was ink smudged.

Link: I wish I had some rupees.

Narrator: Link threw down the magazine and looked around for some beggar kids to give bugs to when he heard a shriek behind him.


Narrator: Link turned around to see the Temple of Elements slowly sink into the ground leaving a pile of dirt.

Link: Clue number one!

Narrator: Link ran to the dirt pile and planted a seed he had just bought then ran to where the Temple of Elements used be. He looked closely at the ground looking for a sign of where it went.

Link: Man, not even one clue! Hey what's this?

Narrator: Link picked up a piece of paper it read: ACSW

Link: (gasp) Oh NO!!!

Narrator: Link turned around dropping the paper to see the market slowly sinking.

Link: I gotta hurry!

Narrator: Link ran to the market and grabbed the dirt mound that he planted the seed in. then rushed out to the field just as the last roof went under. Link replanted the seed then went to Duckafreako village. On the way he rummaged through his sack to see what weapons he brought.

Link: Let's see... Gum, paperclip, butterknife, picture of Malon, fishbone, string, and a pokeball?

Narrator: Link threw the pokeball into a nearby stream and heard a sizzling noise come from it.

Link: gotta kill 'em all!

Narrator: Link reached the village with a plan. He tied the large string to the lookout tower and used the paper clip as a hook and hooked it to a large rock. Then attached the ribcage to his butterknife and sharpened it using the broken glass from the picture frame Malon was in. Link filled the gum with air to make a giant bubble. Link looked at the picture of Malon till it was dark.

Link: This will have to work!

Narrator: After a few minutes the whole town began to sink. Link watched the string till it became taught and then the town stopped sinking.

Link: Now to set my plan to work!

Narrator: Link popped the bubble gum, making every light in Elruyh turn on.

Link: Everyone!! Duckafreako village is sinking!

Narrator: Everyone stared and blinked at Link.

Link: Barney is coming!!!!!

Narrator: Suddenly every one was screaming and ran out of the village.

Link: Phew, I scared myself pretty bad there for a minute.

Narrator: Suddenly Link heard a booming voice.

Voice: Who has dared to stop my plans?

Link: I did, show yourself!

Narrator: Link look around and saw a little bunny hop toward him.

Bunny: I did! Beware I am Knil! Lord of the Changelings!

Link: Oh No!!

Narrator: Suddenly the bunny transformed into a hooded man with dark gray skin and glowing orange eyes.

Knil: untie this string!

Link: I'd be glad to!

Narrator: Link chopped the string with his new sword and the pillar fell on Knil

Link: YES!!

Knil: A simple trick my friend.

Narrator: Knil lifted the pillar with ease and threw it into the windmill.

Link: What do you want?

Knil: I simply want to be paid.

Link: What?

Knil: Ganondorf Mandrag has requested my expertise to destroy all of Elruyh!

Link: Why?

Knil: No further questions!

Narrator: Suddenly Knil exploded into a cloud of smoke.

Link: EW...

Narrator: Link knew of only one thing to do.

Link: Time to go see the Prince!

Narrator: Link ran to Hyrule Castle.

Link: Prince!!

Prince: What?

Link: I need something!

Prince: What?

Link: you.

Prince: WHAT?!

Link: I'm going to tie you up and wait.

Prince: WHAT?!

Link: you heard me!

Prince: actually no, I'm a bit hard of hearing.


Prince: what would that be?


Prince: Uh no.

Narrator: Suddenly the prince punched Link and began to run.

Fist: BAM!

Link: AUGHIN!!

Pie: LINK!

Link: No time for Pie I gotta get him!

Narrator: Link threw Pie behind him and began to chase the Prince.


Prince: NOO!!!


Prince: NOO!!!

Narrator: Suddenly the Prince began to disappear.

Link: What-the?

Narrator: Suddenly they came to a dead end.

Prince(with deeper voice): Link it would not be wise to follow me.

Link: Who are you really?

Prince: Knil Lord of the changelings!!

Narrator: With that the Prince exploded into smoke.

Link: Great! Now I need Pie.

Narrator: Meanwhile Pie was pulling a few walls, knives, and other painful objects out of her.

Pie: Great! Now I need some pie.

Link: PIE!!

Pie: What?

Link: I need you!


Link: Later.

Pie: Phew!

Link: Do you know where The Temple of Elyofreba is?

Pie: How'd you know about that?

Link: I found it written on this notepad I found underneath my foot.

Pie: Follow me.

Narrator: Link followed Pie to a cliff.

Link: I can't climb that!

Pie: why?

Link: If I didn't do it in any of the Games then I can't do it.

Pie: Would you do it if I told you Pie was up there?

Link: What kind?

Pie: Cherry, Apple, Peach, and lots of others.

Link: YEAH!!!

Narrator: Link quickly climbed the cliff to find out that Cherry, Apple, and Peach, were just Pie's cousins.

Link: I climbed this for pie!

Narrator: Link scarfed down Apple then asked Cherry where Elyofreba was.

Apple: NNOOOO!!!

Link: Where is Elyofreba?

Cherry: Down the hills and through the woods.

Link: That's to grandmothers house.

Narrator: Link scarfed down Cherry.

Cherry: NNOOOOO!!!

Link: Alright Peach, tell me where Elyofreba is.

Narrator: Suddenly a plumber grabbed Peach and left.

Link: Now I'll never find out where Elyofreba is!!

Pie: Link, we've been here the whole time, look!

Narrator: Link looked up and saw a cloud.

Pie: Lower.

Narrator: Link looked lower and saw the Temple of Elyofreba.

Link: Who or what is Elyofreba?

Pie: If you spell it backwards it's the name of a water company. That's all we know.

Link: Well... here I go......

Narrator: Link walked through the gateway and felt a pull on his body so powerful Link had to change his "tunic".

Link: AAAHHH!!! ooops....... AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Pie: Link look!

Link: I need a new tunic.

Pie: Link look!!

Narrator: Link looked around and saw a whole new world.

Link: Hey Pie look!! the Temple of Elyofreba is now Aberfoyle Candian Spring Water!!


Link: what's worse... is need a new tunic.

Pie: AUGH!! C'mon let's go.

Link: Where?

Pie: Over to where that girl is sitting.

Link: MARIN?!?!?!

Marin: <Enter Name Here>?!?!?!

Link: No... it's me, Link!

Marin: Link!!!

Link: Where am I?

Marin: The United States of Canada.

Link: The USC?

Marin: Yup!

Link: I better learn to speak Canadian.

Marin: Actually only royal people can speak Canadian.

Link: Who is the king?

Marin: His name is Knil.

<Enter extremely dramatic music here>

Narrator: We will be back after a message from our sponsors.

Sponsor: .......... AAAHHH!!!