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"Double Jeopardy"

Double Jeopardy: The Idiots Strike Back

By: Clayton

(Jeopardy music plays as Rauru walks in with his head low.)

Rauru: Welcome back to "Hyrule Jeopardy"! We've got quite a contest going on here, lets take a look at the scores. Ganondorf is in second place with -6,500 rupees.

Ganondorf: Only on accountability!

Rauru: Great. Uh.Ruto is in first with a commanding score of 0.

Ruto: (Repeatedly presses her buzzer.) Umm.what is history?

Rauru: We haven't started playing yet! And finally, Link, with an incredible score of -17,800 rupees.

Link: (Gestures to the audience and blows them a kiss.) Well.uh, yes.I suppose I do.

Rauru: Better luck to all of you, in the next round. It's time for Double Jeopardy, let's take a look at the board. And the categories are: "Potent Potables", "Literature", "Therapist", "Hylian Princesses", "Show and Tell", "Household Items", and "One-Letter Words". Link the board is yours.

Link: Well.uh, this is.uh, Jeopardy.seeing as there are.uh one, two, three, four, five,, seven different categories.

Rauru: Right, Ganondorf, why don't you pick?

Ganondorf: It looks like it's my lucky day! I'll take "The Rapist" for 200.

Rauru: That's "Therapist." That's "Therapist," not "the Rapist." Lets skip "Therapist" and try "Household Items" for 400. And the answer is, "You usually drink water out of one of these." (Ganondorf buzzes in.)

Ganondorf: A leather glove!

Rauru: No!! (Ruto buzzes in.)

Ruto: A toilet?!

Rauru: That's awful. (Link buzzes in.)

Link: (All he does is point and marvel at the buzzer until time runs out.)

Rauru: And you are an idiot! And the answer was, "a glass."

Ganondorf: Then the day is mine!

Rauru: Technically, it's still Link's turn, but since he's a Hylian wasteland, I'll let you pick again.

Ganondorf: Ohhhh, I'll play your game, you rogue! Let's try "The Rapist" for 20.

Rauru: How about, "Show and Tell" for 600? I'll just show you an object, and you'll tell me what it is, okay?

Ganondorf: It's a fat man with a mustache!

Rauru: No, I'm not the object! I haven't shown it to you yet. Here it is. (He holds up a hammer.) Name this object! (Ruto buzzes in.)

Ruto: It's a popsicle!

Rauru: No!! (Link buzzes in.)

Link: Yes, uh.thank you. That's a.uh.a what-do-you-call it when you.umm.when you.when you punish someone in.uh.days of yore. It was a.and you'd put them in the.uh.the square in know.uh.

Rauru: You mean in the stocks or pillory?

Link: Yes! Exactly!

Rauru: It's a Freaking hammer!!

Ganondorf: Now, listen to me! You back off Rauru! You wouldn't have known that if you didn't have that card in front of you!

Rauru: Whatever! Lets move on to "Hylian Princesses" for 400. And the answer is: "She has blond hair, and you've seen her at the castle.", ".Her name is Zelda." (No one responds.) ".Please some one simply say, 'Who is Zelda'." (Still no one responds.) Some one just say it! Anyone! (Buzzer sounds.) .and the show has reached a new low.

Ganondorf: And I'm the Cock of the Walk!

Rauru: Lets just move to "Final Jeopardy". And the category is, "Letters of the Alphabet." All you have to do is write down a letter. Any letter at all. For instance, "A" or "G" ("Final Jeopardy Theme" plays, as the contestants write furiously.) There is no reason why any of you should be writing this much! Please, just write down a letter of the alphabet. (Rauru and rest of contestants start to stare at Link who is waving his arms around in slow strides.) Link evidently is doing Tai Chi over there.(Time runs out.) Let's see what Ganondorf wrote.(A picture of a large hand giving the "Finger" appears.) Okay, that's not a letter.

Ganondorf: Ha-Haa!!

Rauru: Beautiful. Just beautiful. Ruto, lets see what you wrote. (Screen reveals a drawing of an eye.) You drew a picture of an eye?!

Ruto: Well, "I" is a letter isn't it?

Rauru: Are you a Hylian or retarded? Let's go to Link, who appears to still be doing Tai Chi. Lets see what your answer is. (Screen reveals a huge number 2.) The number 2?

Link: Ah-hah, ah-hah, ah-hah.the Letter 2, my friend.

Rauru: No, 2 is a number.

Link: I, uh.I can't read or write.

Rauru: Good for you. Well, as always, I'm Rauru, and the three of you should be ashamed of yourselves! Good night!