Stories by Crystal Sapphire and Flubby Flubberton
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"Camp 'Grill'"

Camp "Grill"

By: Crystal Sapphire and Flubby Flubberton


We do not own these Nintendo characters so don't sue us Nintendo blah blah blah.  Now that we got that out of the way, here's our story. This is our first fanfic, so go easy on us.  There are a couple of mature topics in this story so beware.  Other than that, it is a funny story that makes no sense.  It is about Link (of course) and he wants to get away from the pressures of being the hero among other things.  His shrink suggests to go to a camp.  Little does he know what's in store from him....

Chapter One

"Well Link, as your psychiatrist I think you should go to a camp," Ingo said.

"Will that get me away from the pressures of being the hero and get me away from all the girls?" Link asked.

"Why of course," Ingo replied, "I shall send you to Camp Grill."

"Yum! Sounds delicious," Link said with his mouth watering.

"You don't know the half of it," Ingo mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Um... I have the camp application right here,"

"Thanks! Hey 'grill' is missing an 'l'."

"Just a spelling error," Ingo said quickly.

"Oh, okay!"

"Well Epona, we're finally here at Camp-hmm they misspelled 'grill' again.  Who writes this stuff?  Probably a dumb blond maybe Zelda.  he he he.  Never mind she has the...triangle thing of wisdom, I think."  Link comes closer to the camp and notices the three goddesses: Din, Farore, and Nayru.  "Hey wazzup my posse?"

"Welcome hero," the goddesses chimed.  "We hope you enjoy your stay at Camp Girl,"

"Camp Girl?! Missing 'l' AY CARAMBA! Knew Zelda to hooked me told phonics on should used have! Wait.... that's not right 'I knew I should have used Hooked on Phonics like Zelda told me to,'"

"Silly Link," Farore said giggling, "We have bribed-told Ingo to send you here for a very important reason.  As you probably know there will be girls here... "

"No! Your just mad because I lost my triforce!" Link hollered.

"You lost your triforce?!" the goddesses yelped.

"Um... oh wait!  It's on my other hand."

"Men!" Din mumbled.

Chapter Two

"Um goddesses can I take off my tights, they give me a huge wedgie?" Link asked.

"Of course not!  All you have under them are your triforce boxers," Nayru snapped.


"Anyway, here's your cabin," Nayru said.

"Oh goody a cabin!" Link said in excitement.

"Your roommates will be: Zelda, Malon, Saria-"

"Wait a sec.  I thought the Kokiri can't leave the woods," Link said with a puzzled look on his face.

"That's a myth," Farore said, "May I please continue?"

"Why are you asking me?  You're the goddess here.  Or one of them anyway."  Farore gave him a bad look. "What?!"

"Anyway there's more: Ruto and Nabooru,"


"Oh yes.  Also your cabin mother shall be Impa and us."  Link slowly walked to his cabin thinking what he did to deserve this.

Chapter Three

"Hey cutie!" the room bellowed as Link walked in.

"grr..." Link mumbled.

"I missed you so much.  Ever since you took Epona to wherever you live, I thought I'd never see you again.  I did search for you though."  Malon said.

"Back off!  I am here against my own free will!"  Link hollered.

"Oh burn!"  Everyone yelled who was in the cabin.

"Now Link," Zelda said patiently, "Ingo sent you here for a special reason.  He has sent you here to help you decide your future."

"I'll be insane in the future if I'm stuck here with all you girls!  Curse my cuteness!" Link yelled.

"Isn't Link sooooo cute when he's mad?"  Saria said dreamily.

"Yeah," everyone in the room whispered.

"I might as well make the best of it here," Link mumbled, "Who knows, maybe they'll make me not so dumb.  Curse that bump on the head."

"Why is Link talking to himself?" Nabooru asked?

"Who knows," Ruto replied.

"What should I do now?" Link asked.

"Unpack silly," Ruto said giggling.

"Ok. Hey, which bunk is mine?"  All the girl started saying 'MINE!'

"You get the one in the corner," Impa said.

"Yuck!  There's bugs down there," Zelda said.

"That means you'll won't bother Link when he sleeps," Impa said slyly.

"Hmph" Zelda scoffed.

"We have a surprise for you Link," Saria said.

"Oh goody!" Link said happily.

Chapter Four

"What's the surprise?"

"Ok everyone get in a circle," Din said loudly.  "I'd like you to meet Gori the female goron!"

"Oh this should be... oh my goddesses that is the ugliest thing I have ever seen!" Link yelled.

"LINK!" Zelda said harshly.  Everyone in the room gave him a bad look.

"Hi....." Gori said shyly.

"Hello Gori!" Malon said cheerfully.  "Come sit by me."

"Ok!" Gori said happily.

"Let's tell ghost stories!" Nabooru said spookily.

"Ooh I got one! I got one!" said Link jumping up and down.

"G-go ahead Link," Saria said shakily.

"It was a dark and scary night just like this-"

"Um... Link it's only dusk and it's not very scary outside," Gori said shyly slightly blushing.

"Din, if you please," Link said

"Oh all right.  But just this once Link," Din clapped her hands three times and then it was a dark and scary night.

"You thank very Din- I mean 'Thank you very much Din'.  Anyway my story.   It was a dark and scary night much like this and there were three gorons: one female and two males and they tried to........"  Link got a very bad look from the goddesses.  "Um, I forgot the rest!"

"I got one!"  said Zelda,  "Two years ago a large ugly man came to visit a king and he stole his daughter and on the way out he knocked over a little boy-"

"Zelda, not to be rude but that is what happened to you and me, " Link said

"Fine everyone knows the story!" said Zelda grumpily.

"Does anyone know a good ghost story?"  Ruto whined.

"I do," said Malon, "but it's really scary, "

"We can handle it,"  said  Nabooru.

"All right.  I had a dream that I was looking for Link, and h-he was....well....married!"

Everyone including Link screamed loudly.

"Nuh uh!  No way! I aint gettin' married," Link stated flatly.

"I'm not finished!" Malon said, "He was married to........Navi!"  More screaming.

"That's awful," Saria said with tears in her eyes,  "That's not a dream, that's a nightmare Malon.  Don't you agree Link? Link?  Oh my gosh!  Link died of fright!"

"Don't worry," Impa said, "Link just fainted."

"Yeah, Link's just sleeping," Zelda said.

"I said he fainted," Impa said.  Zelda wasn't paying attention.

"I can't wait until we get married," Zelda said dreamily.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!  Who says you are going to marry Link?!" Malon yelled glaring at Zelda.  "He doesn't even like you Zelda.  He's obviously crazy about me."

"That's Princess Zelda to you farm girl," Zelda said haughtily.

"THAT'S IT!" Malon yelled.  Malon and Zelda got in a huge fight.  Nayru was trying to break up the fight in vain.

"How silly of them to fight over Link when he loves me," Saria said.

"Yeah right small fry," Nabooru said glowering at Saria.

"Bring it on!"  Saria shouted.

"Gladly!" Nabooru shouted.  Din tried to break up that fight, but just had as much success as Nayru.

"Once Link sees the real me, what's on the inside I'm sure he might like me," Gori said hopefully.

"Yeah right!  He's my fiancee," Ruto said madly.

"Like he's engaged to a fish," Gori replied angrily.

"No one calls me a 'fish' and get's away with it!" Ruto screamed.  Farore tried to break up that fight but just couldn't.

"He loves me because I have known him since he was a little boy!" Saria said muffled under Nabooru's foot.

"Ha!  You couldn't marry him even if he did like you!  After all, you do stay a child forever!" Nabooru said triumphitly.  "He got me the silver gauntlets for me and rescued me from Twinrova."

"Phh!" Ruto said hearing this little conversation while she pinned Gori down, "He is engaged to me!  So therefore he is mine. Plus he got me out of Lord Jabu-Jabu with my stone!  Beat that you two!"

"Why do you think he did all that!" Zelda screamed while pulling Malon's hair.  "He did that for me!  He did that so I and Hyrule would be safe!"

"How do you think he got around?  On my horse!"

Malon screeched as she finally punched Zelda in the eye causing it to swell,"

"Hold it!" Impa hollered.  Everyone stopped.

"How'd she do that?!" the goddesses whispered among themselves.

"Zelda you're right," Impa said while Zelda smiled, "He did all that for Hyrule and only Hyrule. The way you girls are acting, I am surprised he even is sane. Man!  You people-"

"Look!  Link is mumbling something," Saria hollered.

"Mmm.... so luscious.  I love yo so much.   I could just eat you," Link mumbled.

"He's talking about me!"  Zelda yelped.  Everybody groaned in exasperation.

"I want.........I love...........McDonald's Big Mac and fries!"

"Oh Link you're so mean!"  Zelda cried.

"Hey wazzup my Homie G?  Oh.... why do I have this headache?"  Link said coming back to consicnious.

"You just fainted" Saria said rubbing her new black eye.

"Oh.  Hey why is everybody hurt?  Is there a new bad guy for me to kill?"

"No Link, it's too complicated for you," Zelda said trying to hold on to her temper.

"Ok..... hey I want a Big Mac!" 

Chapter Five

It was like that just about every night for two weeks.  Until one night when a new girl came to camp.

"Girls, I would like you to meet Gem," Impa said, "She's from Kakariko,"

"Oh great...." Link mumbled, "just what I need a new gir--" Link was shocked. He had never seen anybody so beautiful in his life.  She had long, black, thick, lush, wavy hair.  Not the average blonde, red, or occasional green.   Her eyes were a dazzling green. Link's favorite color!  She had a sleeveless forest green dress that went to her ankles that was slightly revealing, but it wasn't skanky looking.

When all the girls noticed Link's ga-ga look they decided they hated-no loathed this girl with a passion.

"Who does she think she is?" Zelda hissed to Malon.

"Yeah!  If Link get's married it has to be one of us. Right girls?" Malon whispered to the crowd of girls.

"Yeah!" everyone whispered back.

"Do you know what time it is?" Gem asked Link.

"Duh.....Sex-six! Six o'clock!"

"Thank you," said Gem giggling, "What's your name?"

" wanna-well....g-go t-to t-the lake?"

"Sure!" Gem said enthusiastically.

"Nooooooooooo!" the group  of girls screamed.  Link was oblivious of what was happening.

"Gee, you sure are pretty and funny too," Link said shyly.

"You're not too bad yourself" giggled Gem.

"Hey wanna take a dip?"

"NO-um no thanks, I can't swim," Gem said quickly.

"I can teach you if ya want,"

"No! N-O that spells 'no'!" Gem said sharply. *sniffle* *sniffle* Link was sad.

"Oh! I'm sorry Link. I'm just so terrified of the water.  I didn't mean to make you sad, " Gem said apologetically with her eyes sparking


"Move your fat head Ruto!" Zelda whined, "I can't see what's happening,"

"Shut up your majesty!  I was here first," Ruto snapped.  Zelda, Ruto, Gori, and Nabooru were spying on Link and Gem behind a very big bush.

"It's not fair!" Gori wailed, "Just because I am an ugly rock Link sings 'Who Let the Dogs Out' at me."

"Shh!  Gori, that doesn't mean he doesn't like you," Nabooru said sympathetically.

"Link........there's something I need to tell you..........." Gem whispered while they were watching the sunset.

"You can tell me anything, but first let me do this," Link kissed her, not just any kiss, the forbidden kiss, the passionate kiss, the FRENCH kiss.

"Duh..........." Gem managed to say after the fifteen minute kiss.

"Noooooooooooooooo!" the girls screamed.

"D-did you hear something Link?" Gem asked Link.

"It sounded like a dying cat," Link said absentmindedly.

"How sad," Gem said sorrowfully, "Hey Link, do you think you could pierce my ears like yours?"

"I have pierced ears!?!"

"You didn't know that?"

"I did I just was kidding. Yeah that's right just kidding.  Ooh that sounded good!"

Chapter Six

Link and Gem got along very well.  I mean really well. They even shared bunks.  Gem didn't even mind sleeping by all the bugs.  The other girls decided to sabotage their relationship.

"Link hasn't even rescued her from anything," Zelda pouted.

"He sings 'Can You Feel the Love Tonight' for her in his perfect voice.  All I get is the UGLY song.  It's not fair!"  Gori cried.

"She hasn't even tried to seduce him and they share bunks" Nabooru growled.

"I say we shave her head," Malon said evilly.

"Let's do it!" Saria hollered.

That night they snuck up on Gem and started to cut her hair.  Then out of the blue, the lights turned on an alarm went off and a picture was taken.

"Oh no!"  Zelda yelled.

"What are you doing?" asked Link.

"My hair!" cried Gem, "I hate all of you, just leave me alone!"  Gem ran away from everyone.

"Gem!.....Nice job you guys!" Link said rudely.  Link ran after her.  He eventually caught up to her.

"Gem," Link said out of breath, "are you okay?"

"No!  I'm ugly now!"  Gem said crying.

"No your not, you're the most beautiful girl I have ev-" Gem grabbed Link and kissed him passionately.

"Thanks Link.  I don't know what I'd do without you," Gem said leaving.  Hmm....., Link thought to himself. I think I shall get her something.

Chapter Seven

The girls felt really bad for making Link mad, but they didn't feel bad giving Gem an ugly haircut.

"Too bad we didn't get all her hair off," Ruto said.

"But that would make Link even madder at us.  Plus an even heavier punishment from Impa," Nabooru said.

"The worst part is that he still likes that little tramp," Malon said through gritted teeth.

"Well you can't expect Link to be that shallow," Zelda said, "After all, he did something nice for all you girls."

"Um, I got you a present" Link said shyly at their lake.

"How sweet!  What is it?"  Gem asked.

"Well it's not much, but it's my most prized possession."  Link handed her his hat!  Yes his hat!

"Oh Link..... I love it sooooo much!"  Gem squealed, "Now I can cover up my hair.  Hmm.... it's made of cotton."

"The fabric of our lives," Link mused, "oh yeah, it's dry clean only,"

"Huh? Oh anyhoo, thanks."

"Oh no!"  Saria yelped, "I gotta tell the others!"

Chapter Eight

"What?! No way!"  Zelda yelled, "I wanted his hat."

"Girls?" Impa said coming in the cabin, "What's all the yelling about?"

"Link gave his.....his hat to Gem!"  the girls cried to Impa.

"I'm so sorry!"

    "Hey Nayru I'm going to get some more toilet paper on Epona," Link said, "Who wants to go with me?"

"I DO!" all the girls hollered except Gem who was reading a book in a corner.

"Hey Gem, wanna come?"  asked Link completely ignoring the other girls.

"I don't know.........I'm kind of scared of Epona,"

"Please?  Epona loves everyone I love-like,"

"Well, okay," If they saw Malon's icy stare, they would've wet themselves.

Chapter Nine

"Link, this is so romantic!" said Gem.  Link and Gem looked at each other.  Link turned away in embarrassment.

"I think we should set camp," Link murmured.

"Move it Zelda!" Gori whispered rudely.

"Find your own bush.  Well they're in separate tents at least, whoa!  Ouch!" yelled Zelda.

Gem walked into Link's tent.

"Link, I heard some strange noises outside.  I'm scared," Gem whispered.

"Well come lay down it's okay," Link said.  Gem was beginning to lay down when she fell on top of Link.

"Link," Gem said as she was getting up, "I know what.....who is outside."


"Gori and Zelda.  They don't want us to do anything."

"Too bad," Link whispered in her ear.  Link began to unzip Gem's dress as Gem began to pull off  Link's triforce boxers.

Chapter Ten

"Hmm, Link has got some good moves," Zelda said surprised.

"We gotta get revenge" Saria hissed.

"What should we do?"  Zelda asked.  Saria thought for a moment.

"You know how gem reacted when Link asked her to swim with him?"


"Well let's push her in the lake.  We won't push her in the deep end, just the shallow end to give her a fright, "

"That's a great start!  But we need more," Zelda said while thinking about other things they could do.

"We're back with the toilet paper," Link announced.

"You're my hero," Zelda said while giving Link a big hug.

"Put on some deodorant girl!" Link almost shouted.

"Humph" Zelda pouted.

"Uh Link, the reason why Zelda stinks is because she fell in to that pond filled with scum last night when she was spying on us,"

"Oh, sorry Zelda," Link mumbled, "Hey Gem wanna go to the lake again?"

"Well, okay!" Gem answered.

"B-but you just got back!"  Malon cried.  Zelda whispered something in Malon's ear.

"Oh never mind Link, I hope have a good time," Malon said extra sweetly.

"Ok um, whatever," Link said.

"Link I think they're up to something," Gem whispered to Link as they were leaving the cabin.

"Why would they be up to something?"

"They don't like me that much," Gem replied.

"Don't worry about it," Link said.

"I'll never worry when I'm with you Link," Gem whispered.


Chapter Eleven

"Link will you sing me a song?"  Gem asked as she and Link were sitting on their log.

"Sure," Link said.  He pulled out his ocarina and blew a note to tune his voice.  "You are so beautiful to me........."  Link sang it perfectly

"Now's our chance to push her in the lake," Zelda hissed to Gori.

"Let's do it!" Gori hissed back.  Zelda and Gori started to sneak up on Link and Gem when the 'Mission Impossible' music started to play.

"Where's that music coming from?"  Saria asked.

"I don't know but it's kind of creepy if you ask me.  I hope Link and Gem don't notice," Zelda whispered to Gori.

"Link hasn't been that bright ever since the little bump-on-the-head-incident happened.  And Gem is to focused on Link's song to notice any other music.  Anyhoo let's push Gem!"  Zelda and Gori jumped out of their bush disguises grabbed Gem and threw her in the lake before Link could stop them.  Little did they know how deep that lake really is.

"Link help I can't swim! "

"Gem! How could you guys!"  Link dove in the lake frantically searching for Gem.  He found her unconscious floating slowly to the bottom of the lake.  When they reached the shore of the lake Link realized that his hat fell off Gem and was now lost, and her skin turned green.

"Weird........"  Gori commented.

"Not now Gori! Do you know how to CPR?" Link asked Zelda.

"That's not something a princess learns Link!" Zelda screamed also worried about Gem. *Cough* *Cough*


"Link.....I'm fine."

"I'm so glad," Link said.

"Um, why are you green?"  Gori asked.

"Gori!" Zelda said harshly.

"Oh....that.  Well I guess it's some sort of skin condition.  I'm sorry i didn't tell you Link, I thought you would leave me if you know I turn green when I get wet, but it only lasts about fifteen minutes without my medicine," Gem said slightly blushing.

"That's why.......Wait! I can do this!  That's.......why you-you didn't want.......t-to swim with me!"

"Good job Link!"  Gori said sarcastically while doing a mock clap.

"I will not tolerate anyone who is making of Link just because he's a little......slow!"

"Slow is an understatement Gori mumbled."

Chapter Twelve

"Nayru, Din, Farore Gem is missing!"  Link yelled.

"We know," said Farore.

"What?" Link said dumbfounded.

"We heard from a reliable goron that told us what you did when you were getting toilet paper," Nayru said.

"Yes, you and Gem had to much fun for one night.  We sent her home for good," Din stated flatly.

"No!" Link yelled.

Link was so depressed for the last week of camp he was nothing but rude.  Until one day he was fishing at the lake and found his hat that he gave to Gem.  It reminded him of her and he felt a little better.


"Yes Nayru,"

"Is it me or has Link been acting weird lately?"

"Yes i have noticed it since Gem left last week,"

"I think we should bring her back," said Farore while walking in the room.

"I don't know Farore, he might do that again," replied Din.

"I think it will be okay.  Besides, there's only one day left of camp anyway," Nayru said

"Fine!" Din said.  The goddesses called for Link.

"Link-" the goddesses said,  "We as the goddesses have decided to bring Gem back."  There was a flash of light and a puff of smoke and Gem appeared.

"Link!" Gem yelped.  They ran into each others arms and kissed.

"Gem, I have something very important to say," Link said seriously.


"Will you marry me?"


Ya we know.  What a weird story.  We might write another story if you liked this one.  Just remember this was our first story, we might do better on the second one.  Maybe.