*Link and the gang are at the diner*
Ganondorf:*To Mido* And that’s I how conquered Hyrule with the Triforce of Power.
Mido: Cool! How did Link defeat you anyway?
Ganondorf: Umm…I’d rather talk about it, too many bad memories.
*Ganon thinks about the fight between him and Link*
Ganondorf: I may have underestimated you but cares now DIE!!! *Launches a magic attack at Link*
Link:*Blocks it with his mirror shield* Take that you big bastard!
*The magic attack hits Ganon in the face*
Ganondorf:*Clutching his face* OWWWW!!! MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!!!
*Back at the diner. The waiter comes by*
Waiter: What can I get you guys?
Link: I’ll take a t-bone steak, medium rare.
Zelda: Fried shrimp with mashed potatoes.
Mido: I’ll take the spaghetti with tomato sauce.
Ganondorf: I’ll have twin broiled lobster tails.
Waitor: Coming up, hey Koume.
*Koume appears in a cloud of smoke*
Koume: Hold on one second. *Holds out her hands and closes her eyes. She starts to hum. Suddenly the meal appears on the table*
Koume: Eat well. *Disappears*
*Koume reappears in the diner’s kitchen*
Koume: God I love this job.*Takes out a cigarette and starts smoking*
*Back at the table*
Link: We’d better fast you guys. We have to be at the studio in 45 minutes.
Ganondorf: Fine by me *Ganondorf starts eating like an animal*.
Zelda: Ganon! That’s gross! Link talk some sense into this….*Zelda sees that Link is also eating like a pig* on never mind.
*Later that day. Everyone is at the studio*
Link: Hello ladies and germs…er...I mean gentlemen and welcome to the Link show starring me Link, your host, my wife and musician Zelda, my friend and comedian Mido and my arch nemesis and director Ganondorf…um…wait a minute. Where is he?
*Ganondorf is in the bathroom reading a porno mag*
Ganondorf: Oh yeah baby. That’s what I want, *Chuckles*.
Darunia: *Outside stall* Ganon, who the hell are you talking to?
Ganondorf: *Nervously* Umm…uh…no one.
*Back at the studio*
Zelda: Don’t be so mad Link. Ganondorf is always late.
Link: Yeah I guess your right. Hey why don’t we do some dancing until Ganon gets back.
Mido: Yeah great idea. We haven’t really had any fun on the show since Links birthday party.
*Flashback of Links party. Link is trying to hit the piņata but keeps hitting Ganondorf by accident*
Link: Come on break already!
Ganondorf: OW! STOP IT YOU DUMBASS! MY HEAD!
Mido: *Hands a metal bat to Link and takes the plastic one from him* Here Link use this one instead.
Link: Oh thanks Mido.
Ganondorf: NOOOO!!!
*Back at the studio*
Link: Zelda if you will.
*Zelda turns on her boom box but before anyone can get up and start to dance, Ganon comes back*
Link: Awww man, just when we were about to have fun. *Sighs* Oh well.
*Link sits at his desk and waves to the audience. The audience cheers loudly*
Link: Tonight our guest is a close friend of mine. Someone I have known since I was a kid.
Mido: Link, your still a kid.
Link: Well technically yes I am but I meant a little kid. She is gentle, kind and honest. Her name is Malon.
Malon:*Coming out from behind the curtain* Hi Link, hi everyone,*To the camera* hi daddy.
*At the Lon Lon ranch Talon is watching the Link Show on TV while sitting on the couch and eating some snacks*
Talon: That’s my girl.
*Ingo comes into the room*
Ingo: Hey lard ass! How’s about doing some work for a change, huh? I’m not a freakin slave you know.
Talon: Shut up and get back to work! *Takes out a bull whip and nearly hits Ingo in the face with it*
Ingo: WHOA!!! All right! All right!
*Back at the studio*
Link: So tell us Malon how is life on the ranch today?
Ganondorf: Yeah tell us Malon, stepped in any horse shit lately *Laughs loudly.
Malon: Oh, quite the comedian huh? *Throws a bottle of Lon Lon milk at Ganon, hitting him in the face*
Ganondorf: AHHHH! NOT MILK!!! I’M LACTOST INTOLERANT!*Runs out of the studio to wash his face off in the rest room*
Link: Thanks for teaching him a lesson. Oh and by the way Ganondorf really reminds me of Ingo. How is Ingo anyway?
Malon: Well he’s a little bit nicer than he used to be.
Zelda: Really?
Malon: Well sort of. It’s kind of hard to tell.
*Flashback of Christmas at the Lon Lon ranch. Malon is opening her presents, Talon is sleeping on the couch and Ingo is reading the paper in his chair*
Malon: *Giving Ingo a present* Merry Christmas Mr. Ingo.
*Ingo takes the present and throws it into the fireplace. A year passes by and it is Christmas again*
Malon: *Holding up a gift to Ingo* Merry Christmas Mr. Ingo.
*Ingo takes the present and opens it up. Inside there is a carved wooden horse that looks a lot like Epona*
Malon: Isn’t it great? I made it myself.
Ingo: *Sarcastically* Yeah, very nice Malon. *Throws it into the fireplace*
Ingo: *Looks at Malon to see that she is a bit pissed* Hey, at least I opened it.
*Back at the studio*
Zelda: Hey Malon remember that slumber party we had at your house?
Malon: Oh yeah that was awesome until my dad got drunk.
*Flashback of Malons slumber party. Malon, Saria, Zelda, Ruto, Nabooru and Impa are all there*
Zelda: I’m telling you girls. Link proposed to me last night, I can’t believe how lucky I am.
Malon: You’re telling me. I think Link is hot *Giggles*.
Saria: Me too.
Nabooru: Me and Ganondorf are going out now.
Impa: *Gasps* What!? But he's evil. How could you go out with a creepy prick like him.
Nabooru: I know he's a jerk but he's so big and muscular I can't resist.
Ruto: I'm already married to another Zora but deep down I still love Link.
*Everyone nods in agreement to Ruto, knowing a girl can't turn away from Link that easily*
*Talon comes into the room holding a bottle of beer. He is obviously drunk*
Talon: *Slurred speech* Hey girls…heh…heh *Hiccups* hope your all being good *Belches loudly* heh…heh…yeah.
*All of the girls look at Talon with surprised expressions and then look at Malon*
Malon: *Blushing* Ummm…dad, can you just leave us alone. Please, you’re embarrassing me.
Talon: *Hiccups* Uh sure…anything for my little girl…heh…heh…whoa *Falls to the ground unconscious*.
*Ingo comes into the room and sees Talon lying on the floor, knowing that he’s drunk*
Ingo: I’ll call an ambulance.
*Back to the show*
Zelda: Yeah, that was a fun night, embarrassing, but fun.
Malon: Yeah, I guess so.
*Ganondorf comes back he has some scars on his face from the bottle of milk*
Ganondorf: All right I’m back. Damn that glass hurt so bad.
Malon: Well you started it.
Ganondorf: Hmph, some people can’t take a joke.
Mido: And some people can’t keep their mouths shut
*Everyone laughs at Midos joke*
Link: Anything else you would like to share with us Malon?
Malon: Yes, Epona is doing great. She misses you so much, Link.
Link: *Sighs* Ahhh yes. I had a hell of a good time with that horse on my adventures. In fact, I’m going to visit Epona when the show is over.
Malon: Great, it’s been getting kind of boring around the ranch without any visitors.
Ganondorf: I thought ranches were always boring.
Zelda: What the hell is your problem, Ganon?! Can’t you show at least a bit of respect for our guest?
Ganondorf: It’s just a little joke or an opinion. Jeez you don’t have to get all huffy with me.
Mido: She’s right Ganondorf. All you do is swear and insult others. Why can’t you be nicer?
Ganondorf: Because I’m evil remember. It all started when we were at school.
*Flashback of Link, Ganondorf and Mido in the 3rd grade. Ganondof is sitting in between Link and Mido*
Ganondorf: *Takes a spitball and shoots it at Link* Hey loser.
Link: Ew! Quit it!
Ganondorf: Ha! Ha! Ha! Today I am but a young Gerudo but someday…*Stands up from his desk* I Ganondorf shall take the Triforce and rule the land of Hyrule!!! *Laughs evilly*
Teacher: Ganon, could you please sit down and be quiet.
Ganondorf: Oh very well. *Ganondorf sits down but not before Mido puts a whoopee cushion on his seat. There is a loud farting noise*.
Mido: Hey everyone, it sounds like Ganondork had beans for breakfast.
*Everyone points and laughs at Ganondorf, even the teacher.*
Ganondorf: GRRRRR!!!
*Back to the show*
Malons: Our cows are producing more milk today then they were before. We're making at least 50 rupees a day by selling the milk.
Zelda: Thats wonderful. I wish I could make money like that.
Link: Zelda my dear, your a princess. Your father is the richest man in Hyrule. He probably makes tens of thousands of rupees every year just for performing his royal duties.
Zelda: Oh yeah, silly me.
Malon: Strange though. The cows are allright but the horses seem to be a bit stubborn. I guess Ingo made them mad.
Link: What do you mean annoy?
Malon: Well when he isn't working or sleeping or reading the paper or yelling at me he likes to take a stick and pokes the horses with it. He's so cruel, I can't stand him. But one night he regretted it.
*Flashback of Ingo teasing the horses*
Ingo: *Poking a horse* Ha! Ha! Stupid, worthless, stinky, pathetic animal!
*The horse gets super pissed and kicks Ingo in the chest, sending him flying into the wall with a shelf hanging above. A bucket sits on top and falls on Ingos head*
Ingo: HEY!? What the hell? Who turned out the....WHOA!!! *Accidentaly runs out the window, smashing it*.
*Back to the show*
Malon: So now I think he'll behave.
*In the Lon Lon farmhouse*
Talon: Oh yeah, he'll behave allright.
*Back to the show...again*
Link: Allright, hows about you ask me a question now Malon.
Malon: Ok, does Mido have a girlfriend? *Giggles*
Mido: Ummm....I used to. Me and Saria were together for about 2 or 3 months but I was too shy for her and we broke up. I guess you can say I'm not really a ladies man.
Malon: Oh thats ok. I think your fine just the way you are.
Ganondorf: I know where this is going *Laughs quietly to himself*.
Mido: Shut up, Ganon. Mind your own damn business.
Ganondorf: I'm just saying she's a beutiful girl. I mean come on, just look at those boobs. Whoo hoo! *Laughs hard, falls out of his chair*
Link: DAMMIT! SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
*Link and Mido are furious, Zelda is pitiful for Malon who is very embarassed. Talon who is watching is mad as well, he turns off the TV and goes to the barn, grabs a shovel and takes his horse. He begins to ride towards the studio*
Link: Ganon! I'm warning you! If you don't shut that mouth of yours I'm calling Darunia to come and kick your ass!
Ganondorf: Allright, I'm sorry. I just couldn't resist.
Mido: I'm not in love with Malon allright. She's just a freakin friend!
Ganondorf: Riiiiiight. I think you forgot to add girl to that friend.
Mido: THATS IT!!! *Mido jumps from his desk and lunges at Ganondorf*
Ganondorf: Uh-oh!
*A fight begins. Mido and Ganondorf start beating the crap out of eachother*
Malon: Oh my god! Somebody do something!
Zelda: Link get in there and break it up before they end up killing eachother!
Link: But...I...um..
*Talon comes in through the back door with a shovel*
Malon: Dad? What are you doing here?
Talon: I heard what that pervert Ganon said about you and I'm going to teach him a lesson.
*Talon jumps into the fight and helps Mido overcome Ganondorf. Soon the fight is over and all three of them have ripped clothes, bloody noses, small cuts on their foreheads and knocked out teeth*
Zelda: Damn you guys are a mess. I think we'd better end the show now.
Link: Good idea. Well that wraps up this nights episode. Please tune in for another exiting episode of the Link Show. Goodnight ladies and germs and....DOH! I said germs again, dammit!
