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*Link is sitting at his desk, sleeping*

Zelda: Ummm…Link, Honey? Are you sleeping?

*Link doesn’t reply, he just grumbles and dozes on*

Ganondorf: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you Zelda. Me and Link were at a party last night and Link stayed until 3:00 AM. I left at 12:00 PM.

Mido: So that’s why he was yawning so much when he came in. I was wondering why he looked so thrashed.

Link: *wakes up* Huh? Oh yeah…the show *yawns and scratches his head*. Hello and welcome to the Link show starring…*yawns* me, Zelda, Ganon and Mido. Please welcome my guest Nob…*quickly falls back to sleep, dropping his head on his desk*

Ganondorf: *rolls his eyes and walks up to Link* Hey, lazy bones. We got a show to do here and we can’t do it without you.

Link: Ehhhh…I don’t wanna get up now mom. Give me five more minutes *yawns*.

Zelda: Don’t worry. I know how to get him up. *takes out her guitar and plays a loud song in Links ear*.

Link: *wakes up, startled* WHOOBA…JABBA…WHAAAT!!! Oh, sorry guys. Please welcome my guest, Nabooru, also Ganondorfs girlfriend.

Ganondorf: Oooooh! That sounds good to me *chuckles*

Mido: *rolls his eyes at Ganon, shaking his head*

Nabooru: Hello Link, Zelda, Mido and hello to you Ganon *winks at Ganondorf as she sits down*

Link: *still tired* So Nabooru, how is life going in Gerudo valley today?

Nabooru: Oh a little quiet and gloomy at times but it’s the only real habitat for me. I enjoy living there with my friends.

Ganondorf: I see it as a barren wasteland, full of creepy monsters and stormy clouds. Not to mention a really dangerous field of sandstorms that I get lost in every couple of months.

Nabooru: Yeah, and I’m the one who always has to go in and save your ass. I told you that you’d never reach the other side.

Ganondorf: Awwww! But I left my wallet there. It had my cash, my credit card and my ID.

Zelda: That wasn’t your credit card. You stole it from Darunia last week.

*meanwhile in Gerudo City, Darunia is buying some bombs at the shop*

Goron storekeeper: Here you go, Darunia. Thirty bombs, that’ll be fifty rupees.

Darunia: *searching through his wallet* I’m a bit low on cash so I’ll just use my…uh…credit…*unable to find his credit card*. Where the hell is it!?

*back at the studio, Link is snoring loudly on his desk*

Nabooru: *about Link* Is he usually this tired?

Zelda: *sighing* No. He was at a party last night. He didn’t come home until three in the morning.

Nobaroo: Oh that’s nothing. Ganon got drunk one time and didn’t come back home until five in the morning. He wasn’t able to sleep properly for over a week.

Ganondorf: *embarrassed* Ummm…can we not discuss that, please?

Link: *suddenly wakes up and points at Ganon* HA! HA! HA! *quickly drops back to sleep*

Mido: I got something that will keep Link awake. *holds up some coffee* Drink this, Link. It’ll keep you going for a while. *gives it to Link*

Link: *drinks it and immediately wakes up fully* Allright! Thanks, Mido. That really did the trick. So anyway Nob…hey, where’d she go?

*Nobaroo is not in her seat, neither is Ganon*

Zelda: I think I know what their up to.

*outside the studio, Ganondorf and Nabooru are kissing passionately in the back seat of Ganons car*

Nabooru: Um…Ganon. Shouldn’t we be doing this later on? How about after the show?

Ganondorf: Bah! We can finish the show later. Now less talk, more love.

Zelda: *outside the car window* How about less love, more show?

Ganondorf: HEY!!! Can’t you see I’m busy here, Zelda? Tell Link I’m too busy with…

Nabooru: *interrupting Ganondorf* No Zeldas right. We can make love later. Let’s finish the show.

Ganondorf: *annoyed* Oh alright. *grumbling to himself* Stupid Link and his lousy show.

*Ganon, Nabooru and Zelda return to the studio*

Link: Allright, now that you’re all back, tell me Nabooru. What else have you been doing lately, anything interesting?

Nabooru: Hmmm…not really. Oh wait, Link I forgot to tell you. You know that tunic that I borrowed from you?

Link: You mean the red one?

Nabooru: Yeah that one. I lost it a few weeks ago, I’m sorry.

Link: Oh that’s alright. I’ll just buy a new one, be right back.

Zelda: Link, wait. You can’t leave, we need a host you know.

Link: Yeah, your right. Mido, be a pal and go buy one for me.

Mido: But the Goron Market is 3 miles away. I can’t walk all the way up there.

Link: Yeah I know. Take my car and buy me and drive up there. My wallets in the car, use my money.

Mido: WHAT!? But I can’t drive very well.

Link: Well Nabooru can’t go, we need a guest. Ganon can’t go because the last time he drove my last car he totaled it in a crash up derby.

Ganondorf: Yep, got a trophy for it too *holds up a demo derby trophy*.

Link: And we can’t have a show without music so Zelda can’t go.

Mido: Oh alright. I’ll go.

*Mido walks out of the studio and gets into Links car. He accidentally bumps into several cars as he pulls out of the parking lot.

Mido: Oops! Sorry.

Some guy: MY CAR!!!

*Mido drives onto the highway. He bumps into a few other cars*

Elderly driver: HEY! Go back to drivers ed you forest loving, freak of nature!

Mido: Hey, kiss my Kokori ass you old bastard!

*Mido accidentally hits a dog*

Mido: OH DAMN! That’s gonna leave a mark!


*back at the studio*

Link: So how long have you and Nabooru been going out, Ganondorf?

Ganondorf: About 6 months. I saved her life a couple of times.

Nabooru: Oh god. Not that again. Every time some suspicious guy comes near me, Ganon yells at them like a maniac. He even beat the crap out of a few guys. He thought they were trying to hurt me.

Ganondorf: They were! Remember that guy at the diner. He tried to rape you!

Nabooru: *slaps her forehead* Or for gods sake no he wasn’t!

Ganondorf: Well…he could have tried.

Nabooru: This is one of the many reasons why I’m starting to dislike you, Ganon.

*back to Mido, he has reached the Goron Market. Darunia is inside*

Mido: Hey Darunia.

Darunia: Oh, hi Mido. DAMMIT! DAMMIT! WHERE THE HELL IS THAT FREAKING CREDIT CARD!!! *flips violently through his wallet*

Mido: Oh yeah Darunia. I forgot to tell you. Ganon stole your card and lost it.

Darunia: HE DID WHAT!?! *barges out of the market*

Mido: One Goron Tunic please.

Clerk: Coming up. Here ya go. Wait your Mido from the Link Show right.

Mido: Yep, that’s me.

Clerk: OH MY GOD!!! I’m a huge fan.

Mido: Thanks but I gotta run. Seeya later *leaves the market*

Clerk: WAIT! I wanted to get your autograph.

*back at the studio*

Nabooru: And that’s why Ganondorf beat up the mail man. He thought he was trying to mace me.

Ganondorf: I thought the bill he had was a can of pepper spray.

Zelda: Okay…that’s weird.

*the sound of a car parking is heard outside*

Link: That must be Mido.

*Link walks out of the studio to find Mido standing next to Links totaled car*


Mido: *afraid* Ummm…well…I told you….I can’t drive very well. Here’s your tunic *holds up Goron tunic*

Link: *Link takes the tunic but suddenly calms down* You’re right. It was stupid of me to let you drive. Let’s talk about this somewhere else.

*Mido and Link walk into a studio room full of sandbags for the stage*

Mido: Why do we have to talk in here?

Link: I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes for a second.

Mido: Ummmm…ok *closes his eyes*

Link: Ok now open them.

*Mido opens his eyes to see Link holding a sand bag. He drops it on top of Mido, knocking him to the ground*

Mido: OOF! That didn’t hurt so bad. Ummm…Link. I can’t get up. Link?

*Link leaves the room and returns to the studio*

Link: I’m back, I got my new tunic and…*sees Darunia punching Ganondorf* Darunia?


Darunia: Oh, hi Link. I’m just giving Ganondork here a good ass kicking for losing my credit card.

Nabooru: Hey that reminds me. Ganon, if there’s one thing that you’ve done that made me dislike you the most, it’s got to be the time that you stole Darunia’s credit card.

Ganondorf: But I was going to give it back.

Nabooru: No you weren’t. You said to me loud and clear that you would keep it forever. I can’t live with someone who steals stuff too often.

Ganondorf: *gasps* WHAT!? But…that would probably mean…

Nabooru: Yes Ganondorf…I’m breaking up with you.

Ganondorf: Awww man. Oh well, there’s still plenty of other Gerudo girls that I haven’t dated yet.

Darunia: Hey, Nabooru, How’s about you and me go get some pizza or something.

Nabooru: Sure, I don’t have much else to do.

Link: Ok, the shows almost over so…

Darunia: Hey wait, where’s Mido?

Link: Oh he’s…sick

*back room*

Mido: *muffled voice, under sandbag* Hello?


Link: Well that’s it for tonight. Join me and the gang next time for another episode of the Link Show. Goodnight ladies and gentleman.

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