Iâ€™m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface
I donâ€™t know what your expecting of me
Put under the pressure
Of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow
Just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is just another mistake to you
Iâ€™ve become so numb
I canâ€™t feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
Iâ€™m becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
(Numb, Linkin Park)[/align]
My mind often wonders when Iâ€™m in my human form. Thatâ€™s the only reason I can even tell Iâ€™m in it half the time. The few times my god side has ever taken over, I felt numb as well. My mind just didnâ€™t wonder at all. Why this is, I have no idea, but often it turns to my pastâ€¦ and my parents in particular.
I didnâ€™t love them. No, to me they were just the people that took care of me, and thatâ€™s all. Hell, my parents didnâ€™t even love each other. I just assume that in one lust filled night, they managed to conceive me, and that was that. The only reason Kondon, my father, stayed was because he had been ordered to protect my mother, Morian. Even I knew that he would have left to find his mate if it hadnâ€™t been for that simple fact.
Kondon was the epitome of a Calamor male. He protected those that he held dear to him with his life, he had personally been marked by the one that cursed our line, and he never physically hurt a woman. All such wonderful qualities.
Mother wasnâ€™t must better when it came to him. Her father, The Fiercest of the War Gods, was the one that cursed the Calamor men. She knew it, but that wasnâ€™t exactly her fault. She didnâ€™t choose her parents after all. Still, did she have to slap Kondon, and tell him on a regular basis that the only reason he was allowed to see his own son was because he was ordered to protect her? Yes, perhaps she did because he would often get this predatory look in his eyes. It was one that suggested he would do unspeakable things to her if he could, and he would kill her with relish when he got the chance.
Yes, I didnâ€™t love my parentsâ€¦ but I didnâ€™t have anyone else to protect a freak like me.
I was five when I stopped calling Kondon dad or father. I had seen him in a fight with mother, and it had made me learn the hard truth about my sires.
â€œMorian, why do you insist on having him learn magic? Heâ€™s never going to master it. Not with that arm of his, and not with such unpredictable blood in his veins.â€
Let it snow, Let it snow
Last edited by Saron on Tue Feb 15, 2005 10:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.