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"Notes To Self"

Notes to self (questions, thoughts, helpful hints, and friendly reminders), by Ian Little
  • People like hugs, even mean people.
  • Dogs and cats have fur because no one likes to pet bald animals.
  • Girlfriends really do care about you.until you break up.
  • Madonna looks good for her age; Jennifer Lopez looks better.
  • Metallica rocked in the eighties, then they cut their hair.
  • I was a cute baby.
  • Show girls cute baby pictures, bonus points.
  • Even if a girl looks bad, say they look good.
  • All girls think they look bad.
  • Notes to self are fun to write.
  • If you want a good relationship, date a friend. If you want to have fun, close your eyes and dive in head first.
  • Life is not like a box of chocolates. Life tastes bitter and lasts longer than any chocolates I have ever had.
  • Time is only a measurement that makes Man think he can control the day. A day is just a measurement that makes Man think he can control the dark and the light.
  • Man controls nothing but his own actions. If he doesn't control them, his actions will control him.
  • No one can understand what Kurt Kobain meant. I have never smelled teen spirit.
  • America is the best country in the world, but why did we stop there?
  • Some of my notes are questions.
  • Questions are good, but know when to stop asking and start finding the answers.
  • I probably should wear sunscreen like that song says.
  • Marilyn Manson is not the Antichrist, just a scapegoat for parents who can't communicate with their children.
  • I really don't like Marilyn Manson. Still, he ain't the devil.
  • I don't know half of what I think I do, no one does.
  • There's no real reason to watch Scooby Doo. It's not scary, not funny; yet if it's on you just watch it like a zombie or something.
  • Everyone should read my notes. They are informative and stimulating.
  • I will never understand the whole Leonardo DiCaprio thing. Yeah he is cute, but in a sadly feminine way.
  • The best part about babysitting is knowing that you can hand the kids back and the end of the night.
  • No weather man predicts the same weather, yet all use the same equipment.
  • Furbies are soldiers of Satan. Furbish is the language of the damned; I don't lie!
  • The news is depressing.
  • What if people who worship trees are right?
  • Speed bumps are accurately named.
  • Frowning uses more muscles than smiling, so I'm not sad, I just work out a lot.
  • Even the brightest light burns out eventually.
  • Don't eat food from the fridge that you can't identify.
  • Public bathrooms have more phone numbers than I do.
  • If a girl ever says "I don't care, do what you want," don't! Do exactly what they want. Pain is bad. A woman's wrath is worse.
  • Nice guys don't finish last, bad boys finish too soon.
  • Pee Wee Herman is not a bad guy, he just got caught.
  • The English language will never make any sense.
  • Parents freak out about everything, just get used to it
  • If something doesn't involve you, keep your mouth shut, no one cares!
  • Car insurance is higher if you own a red car. They say the color makes you want to drive faster. They suggest a cool color like green instead. Yet at stop lights, red means stop and green means go. Why?
  • Janet Reno is a man baby.
  • Girls like to get flowers
  • The shake machine is always broken at fast food places.
  • There isn't always room for Jello.
    If you're legally blind, don't worry. You aren't breaking the law, you're legal.
  • Who is the real Slim Shady?
  • Whoever invented glitter should clean it up.
  • Grape-Nuts is another name for gravel.

Copyright 2000, Ian Little. All rights reserved. Used with permission.