Stories by Richie S.
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"A Zelda/Farscape Crossover"

A Zelda/Farscape Crossover

By: Richie S.

Author's note: This story is dry comedy, that I wrote on a whim, so please don't think to lowly of me. And I don't own the characters of Zelda or FarScape so please don't sue me! Finally the actual show Farscape on the Sci-Fi channel (Fridays at 9PM eastern starting April 5) is nothing like this story.

Somewhere in the farside of the universe in what is called the Uncharted Territories, the Peace Keeper (PK)/leviathon hybrid ship known as Talyn was doing a sensor sweep looking for his /it's mother Moya. On board the ship ex-PK Captain Bailar Crais looked on from the bridge. Also on Talyn was the Banik ex-slave/mystic Stark who was deep in meditation searching for his lost love Zhaan, Rygel XVI the deposed royal of over 600 billion loyal subjects was stuffing himself like the gluttoness pig that he was, and ex-PK officer Aeryn Sun and American astronaut John Chrichton were doing something that is best left in private.

Meanwhile, in Hyrule-

Link was riding Epona through Hyrule Field (Is it just me or is he always doing this in fan-fics?) Anyway he was contemplating how boring his life was as he rode into Lake Hylia and decided to go fishing. After he was finished fishing, he swam to the island in the middle of Lake Hylia and curled up to take a nap.

Back onboard Talyn

Crais could sense that something was wrong. Something wasn't right aboard his ship. Suddenly Talyn informed him that his DRDs (little robots that do maintencance work onboard Levithans) had discovered a growth aboard him. A growth that was a PK homing beacon/distress call. "$#^*&$&" Crais swore to himself.

"Whoa," said Stark who had just entered the bridge/ "You should go easy on the dollar signs, asterisks, and-" he was cut off as Crais through a metal tool that hit Stark in the face.

"This is serious," Crais said gravely. "I need the others here now." Seeing that his blow had knocked Stark unconscious he used his comms to signal to call the others to the bridge, and while he was at it he kicked Stark in the head a few times to wake him up.

After the others had been summoned to the bridge and had been informed of the situation a solution was devised--a similar incident onboard Moya had forced the Leviathan unto a planet to muffle the beacon. So they set course for the nearest hospitable planet and prepared to land.

In Hyrule

Link had just awaken from his nap to see that something was falling from the sun, by the looks of it seemed to be a fire-arrow, but it seemed to be getting to be closer and closer (it was Talyn) soon Link realized whatever the thing was it was going to land in the lake. No, it was going to... land on him! "Oh, Feces!" Link yelled and cove off the side of the island.

Talyn's crew emerged from the smoldering crater that was once the island and looked around. Link saw them and just stared. Aeryn made eye-contact with Link and they both just stared. Chrichton took one look at what was going on between Aeryn and Link and tackled Link and started punching. "You can't have her! She's mine, Mine! MINE!" Crichton started to strangle Link. The others manage to pull Chrichton off Link.

"Poor boy," Aeryn said to herself, and sighed dreamily. Chrichton heard this and once agin tried to strangle Link. Along this time Princess Ruto came out of the Zora's Domain and saw what was going on. She swam up to the island and saved Link from Chrichton. Aeryn leaned down next to Link said something into his ear, and kissed him oh so gently on the lips.

Ruto goes ballistic, "He's mine You tramp!" and she tries to martial-arts kick Aeryn in the head, Aeryn dodges out of the way and puts Ruto in headlock. Along this time Stark realizes that Ruto looks like Zhaan (his lost love) and takes it upon himself to save her from Aeryn, by hitting her over the head with same metal tool that Crais had hit him with earlier. Aeryn then assuming that Stark has turned on her begins to take him to task for the beating with the blunt instrument. Crais getting tired of the wasted time pulls out his pulse pistol, shoots Ruto, and breaks up Aeryn and Stark. Then he calls to Rygel (who is searching Ruto and Link for valuables) Rygel however doesn't here because he trying to steal Link's ruby filled wallet. Crais, not wanting to repeat himself shoots Rygel, then he looks at what Rygel was doing and he stills Link's wallet. Then he turns around and sees Stark weeping over Ruto's body and Aeryn weeping over Link's body with Crichton desperately trying to attract her attention. Crais sighs and contemplates the situation, this was just part of life in the uncharted territories.