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"A Very Zelda Christmas"

A Very Zelda Christmas

By: Chibi Sakura

Chibi Sakura: It's Christmas here in Hyrule, and so....I've decided to throw a Chirtsmas Party for all the Zelda folks down at Zelda Sleepover Inc. And at Zelda Sleepover Inc. we enjoy singing songs. And since it's Christmas, I'll gladly sing you a Christmas song.

Link: (walks in) Who ya talkin' to, CS?

Chibi Sakura: Ack! Go away!

Link: (walking out angrily) I'm tired of being pushed around! I'm contacting my agent!

Chibi Sakura: I'm your agent, stupid.

Link: No! Shigeru Miyamoto's my agent!

Chibi Sakura: Yeah, but he's not here is he? He hired me to be your substitute agent.

Link: Arrrrrrrrgh!

Chibi Sakura: Go away. I'm about to sing my Christmas song!

Link: YOU?! SING?! Why didn't you say so?! (runs like heck from the room)

Chibi Sakura: Anyway.... Here's the 'Very Zelda Christmas' theme song!

It's Christmas time in Hyrule.
So let's celebrate.
The trees are looking dandy.
The cookies tasting great.
But in the Zelda's Sleepovers
There's no peace to see,
And I have to put up with it,
So reader pray for me!

Ganon's hogging cookies,
Saria just ain't brave.
And Zelda thinks she's Austin Powers,
Saying lines like "Oh, behave!"
I would ask John and someone else,
to come and have some fun!
But they're all busy and kinda tired,
so I'm left...uh....alone?

It's hard to find some good ryhmes,
for this stupid Christmas song,
so when you're finished reading this LINE!
I'll be moving right along!

Saria: (walking in) Link told me you're singing, so I want to make sure if it's safe to come out.

Chibi Sakura: (deep breath) Oh! Jingle bells! Batman smells!

Saria: Aaaaaaaaaah! (runs from the room)

Chibi Sakura: Now Zelda's Sleepover Inc. we also enjoy giving presents, believe it or not. And we others....who we have...kicked out...darn the rules! Now Rauru has to come...

Rauru: (flying into the room) Weeeeeee! Look at meeeee! I am freeeeeeee!

Chibi Sakura: Shut-up, you dumbo, or I'll kill you.

Rauru: Why dost the sun shine and then go hither?

Chibi Sakura: I have no idea what you just said, but I'm sure you got it wrong.

Rauru: Why dost I live in peace and then come hither?

Chibi Sakura: Kay, better.

Rauru: Thank-you.

(Chibi Sakura and Rauru head for the entertaiment room)

Zelda: I'm a sexy beast!

Saria: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

Ganondorf: (gobbling cookies) Yum yum....oh dish shtuff ish good! Uummmm yam yam!

Zelda: (eating a cookie) Yeah, baby, yeah!

Impa: Mother of mercy!

Chibi Sakura: SHUT UP! AT ONCE!

(everyone stops and looks at Chibi Sakura)

Chibi Sakura: Rauru came for a visit.

Everyone: Grrrrrrrr.....

Rauru: So...shall we exchange gifts?

Zelda: Yeah, baby, yeah!

Chibi Sakura: (hands everyone their presents) There.

Saria: (opens hers) Eeee--- oh. A night light! Thanks, CS.

Link: (opens his).....pearls?

Chibi Sakura: No, you idiot! They're breath mints!

Link: Oh...uh...thanks.... *thinking: Darn, I wish they were pearls*

Zelda: (opens hers) Bay-bee! It's a female sign necklace! Yeah, baby, yeah!

Everyone: Oh, behave!

Impa: (opens hers) It's a 'Dirt Devil'!

Chibi Sakura: Yes.

Impa:I can really dust with this baby!

Chibi Sakura: don't you go dust with it RIGHT NOW?

Impa: Why, what a great idea! (leaves the room)

Chibi Sakura: Well, that's about everyone... (hands Ruto her gift)

Ruto: (opens her present)' crackers?!

Chibi Sakura: Yeah, what's wrong with that?

Ruto: If I eat these...I'll be a...I'll be a...CANNIBAL!!!

Chibi Sakura: Give them to someone else, then. Now...that's everyone.

Nabooru, Darunia, Rauru and Ganondorf: What about me?!!

Chibi: I don't like you guys, therefore, no presents from me shall be given to you.

Saria: Let's sing another song!

Chibi: OK......

(everyone whispers for a minute or two, then finally decides on what they'll sing)

Chibi: This one is a...original...carol by Zelda's Sleepover Inc.


Santa's reindeer don't like flying.
They end up complaining and crying.
And sometimes they even start to yell,
making Santa go through hell!

Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
Has Christmas gone away?
This harness is too itchy,
Here I do not want to stay!

Chibi: We know it's annoyingly short, but at Zelda's Sleepover Inc., we strive for simplicity, long for ease, and soothe ourselves with...uncomplicatedness from the difficulty of everyday life. We also like rotting our brains with Christmas specials in July.

Link: Let's watch Christmas specials in December then!

Saria: Rudolph! Rudolph!

Ganon: But Saria, there's a monster in it.

Saria: Eeeeeeek! Well...from the "scare-free for nerds" version...I...

Chibi: Too late! (turns on Rudolph)

Saria: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (runs like heck from the room)

Chibi: That certainly got her... (turns off Rudolph)

Darunia: I still want my gift...

Link: I still need pearls...

Impa: (coming in dusting with her Dirt Devil) I still have to clean!

Ruto: I still won't perform cannibalism!

Zelda: Shagadelic, bay-bee!

Saria: (running into the room) Eeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

Nabooru: I must have a scary Christmas special!

Ganondorf: Where's the cookies?

Rauru: I'm back and I need attention!


(everyone goes quiet)

Chibi: You all need to get into the Christmas spirit!

Ganondorf: But my Christmas domination ship was destroyed.

Saria: Eeeeeek! A spirit is a GHOST!!!!! Eeeeeeek! Yaaaaaaaah!

Link: Beam me up! Beam me up, captain!

Zelda: Oh, behave!

Chibi: I hate this...I try to please my fans with a nice little treat...and I can't, because my employees are too damn literal and brainless!

Link: Well, we were sprites at one time. And sprites aren't the brightest of people...

Chibi: But you're not sprites anymore! Not graphic, not 8-bit, not're real life people!

Ruto: And creatures.

Chibi: I've had enough of your smart-aleck remarks! (opens a portal out of nowhere and leaves)

Darunia: Well, our host left. Should we go too?

Link: The sooner the better.

(everyone leaves the castle)