Chapter 5
________________________________________________________________________

What would happen if Ruto was telepathic?
Wonder no more! In this fic you'll see how one little mistake changes the whole storyline!
________________________________________________________________________

Where we last left our heroes, Link flew to Kakariko village. Yes, flew. But this was because he had exploited the Random Owl's good nature to carry him back down Death Mountain. At this moment, Link was deposited onto a random rooftop, and the Owl was flying away. Link paid no attention until there was a loud explosion in the distance.

"I wonder if Saria knows anything about the other Spiritual Stone," Navi jolted.

Link blinked, "How could she?"

Navi regained her composure, "Link, Saria has had more brains and a larger repository of random knowledge than you'll ever have. Why do you suddenly doubt her?"

"First off, no Kokiri has ever left the forest except me!" Link started counting on his fingers, "Second off, she's a Kokiri, how would she know anything about jewelry, especially rare stuff that the Princess wants us to get? And third off, she's on vacation with her camper van and people on vacations don't like being bugged!"

"Link, how do you know that?" Navi asked, "As far as I can tell, you've never been on a vacation in your life."

There was silence for a few seconds. Link decided it would be best not to tell Navi about the time when he walked in the middle of Mido's vacation in the Lost Woods. Or what Mido looks like with cucumbers on both eyes.

"And besides," Link huffed, "how can we contact her?"

"Well, you've recently learned how to play Saria's Song…" Navi said, "And you do have Saria's Ocarina (somehow), so maybe when you play the song, then they'll resonate with her. Kinda like a cellphone."

"Oh! Good idea!" Link exclaimed.

Link played Saria's Song.)

"Hey!" Navi jolted again, "Do you want to talk to Saria?"

Link paused, "Didn't we just decide this?"

Navi turned red and flew into Link's hat. Link, having nothing better to do, put the ocarina up to his ear. He heard a dial tone.

"Navi?" Link asked as he kept his ear to the mouthpiece.

"Yes, Link?" Link's hat said.

"What's a cellphone?" Link said.

The hat paused, "I have no clu—"

"Link? This is Saria, can you here me?" a familiar voice came from the ocarina.

"Yep," Link said, "Loud and clear."

"That's good," the voice said, "I was afraid that this tree root wouldn't work as a receiver…"

"Hey, Saria," Link looked at his fingernails, "do you know about the Spiritual Stones? We're collecting them for Princess Zelda."

"Are you collecting Spiritual Stones?" the voice asked.

Link dropped the ocarina, "HOW DID YOU KNOW?!"

Navi's head peeked out from Link's hat, "You just told her, dimwit."

Link picked up the ocarina again, "Oh."

Navi flew over to one of the holes, "Anyways, we only have one more to find, do you know anything about it?"

"You have one more to find? You mean the Spiritual Stone of Water, don't you?" the voice said.

"Yep!" Link exclaimed.

"Something like that," Navi replied.

The voice pondered this for a moment, "The Great Deku Tree once told me that the King Zora, ruler of Zora's Domain, has it."

Navi smirked, "That's how!"

"Oh shut up," Link said.

"What?" the voice paused.

Navi sighed, "Never mind."

"Saria?" Link asked.

"What is it, Link?" the voice responded.

"What's a 'Zora'?" Link asked.

The voice paused, "Hmmm… Well, that's kinda hard to explain—"

"Never mind, Saria. I'll tell him," Navi said into the ocarina, "Don't trouble yourself."

"Oh… Okay… Talk to you later! Saria out!" the voice cheered.

There was a distinct clicking sound heard on the other end. Link pocketed the ocarina.)

Link turned to the fairy, "Well, what's a 'Zora'?"

Navi rolled her eyes, "You'll figure it out eventually. Asking now is pointless. Anyways—"

"Why?!" Link whined.

"You'll find out as soon as we get to Zora's Domain! Now stop asking questions—" Navi said.

"But I wanna know now!" Link whined.

Navi glared at the Kokiri, "Link, stop being a pain."

Resentful, Link whipped out his ocarina. He started playing Saria's Song, until Navi flew into one of the holes and made the last note played the wrong pitch.

Link glared at the blue ball, "What now?!"

"Link! It's rude to call a person without a good reason!" Navi said.

Link blinked, "It is?"

Navi rolled her eyes, "Yes!"

Link gazed at the ocarina, "Well… The reason I have is good enough!"

Link started playing Saria's song again.

"GAH!! FINE! I'll tell you!" Navi yelled.

Link smiled, "Okay!"

Navi knew that now Link had dropped his guard. She flew down and snatched the instrument from Link's hands. She then floated over him so she was just out of Link's reach. However, this didn't stop him from hopping up and down to try and retrieve the ocarina from her clutches.

"Hey! No fair!" Link bounced on, "Gimme!"

"I'm confiscating this from you!" Navi exclaimed, "For being rude and irresponsible to your own best friend!"

Link glared at the fairy, "What are you, my mother?"

"N-no!" Navi turned red, "Even if we were the same species, I'd have to be fifteen to be your mother!"

"How old are you?" Link started counting on his fingers, "Fifteen plus—"

"BESIDES!" Navi interrupted, "You're the main character! And in this franchise, that automatically means that you're not allowed to have a mother!"

Navi turned her back on Link.

"So there!"

Link eyed the ocarina, and tried retrieving it a couple of times before lowering his head. He began grumbling to himself. That is, until he spotted a small, bright yellow dot in the distance. Link squinted. Sure enough, this bright yellow dot was a mask on a person's face…a person who stood by the entrance to Death Mountain. An evil glint in the mask's eyes could be seen from where Link stood. Link shuddered.

"H-h-he's never going to take that mask off, is he?" Link shivered.

"Who?" Navi turned around.

Link gulped, "The gate guard with the mask…and the imaginary son…"

Navi sighed, "Okay, Link, maybe that guy does have a son! And besides, we'll never know whether he does or not, because its obvious that he wanted that mask for himself."

Link blinked, "But then why would he say it was for his son?"

"Say, Link, let's go find some Zoras, okay?"

Link gulped and slowly nodded before he leapt off the roof of the building and exited Kakariko Village.
________________________________________________________________________

From then on, Link headed through Hyrule Field and headed to the Castle Grounds. He seemed to be wandering aimlessly as he sneaked past the blind and deaf guards to blow up an inconspicuous rock. This, in turn, opened up to a small hole in which he could crawl through. When inside, the layout looked suspiciously familiar to the Fairy's Fountain up on Death Mountain. Link walked onto the Triforce pattern on the floor.

Link held out his open hand, "Well?"

Navi glanced at their surroundings, "Link, this place looks very similar to—"

"I know that," Link moved his open hand closer to the blue ball, "Give me the ocarina anyway."

"Link, do you honestly want to see another 'Great Fairy' like the last one?" Navi asked.

"Look, not all fairies are the same!" Link put his hands on his hips, "You are a prime example of that!"

Navi turned red, "What is that supposed to mean—"

"I USED to think," Link said, "all fairies were nice, pink, little glowing balls of happiness that always healed you from death. But when I got my own guardian fairy, it woke me up to go shopping, made me meet a crazy princess, disapproved of my pet choices, and even started beating me atop the head with some dead guy's remains."

Navi flew ominously closer to the boy, but Link continued before she could do anything to him.

"I'VE LEARNED," Link said, "that stereotyping is not only inaccurate, but leads to very not-nice circumstances! What I'm saying is that maybe not all Great Fairies look like that previous, freaky one!"

Navi gaped, "…I'm not sure whether to beat you up, or be proud of you."

"Now, give me the ocarina so we can make sure!" Link held his hand out again.

Navi looked at the ocarina, and then at Link, "No."

With that, Navi flipped over the ocarina she was holding, and flew over the Triforce pattern on the floor. She then played Zelda's Lullaby to the best of one's ability when one has such short arms. Out from the center of the fountain arose another tall woman who, not only was wearing the same getup as the previous one, looked identical to the one on Death Mountain. She came shrieking out of the fountain, in a fashion one would expect from a witch who had just eaten a farm full of chilly peppers.

"AAAAHHH! MY MOUTH! IT BURNSSSS!!" the 'Great Fairy' screeched, clawing at her tongue in vain.

There was a long and awkward pause.

Link grabbed Navi's hand and slapped it to his eyes, "AUGH! Why don't I listen to you more often?"

"That's a very good question," Navi paused.

"AAAAHHHHH! Hmm?" the 'Great Fairy' then turned to our two heroes, "Errr… Which one of you played the Song of the Royal Family?"

"That would be me," Navi raised her hand briefly before Link slapped it back on his eyes.

"Ahh…Okay then…" the 'Great Fairy' coughed, "Welcome, Navi."
Link paused, "How do you know our names?"

"Oh, that's easy," the 'Great Fairy' smiled, "We Great Fairies use email each other so we know who, how, and when you are coming."

"Oh! That's not fair!" Navi huffed, "You scantily dressed women getting all the technological advantages."

"What's 'email'?" Link asked.

"Errr…" the 'Great Fairy' gulped, "Ummm… Your civilization is not supposed to know that until the twenty-first century…"

"The twenty-first CENTURY?!" Link exclaimed, "And what year are we in, the one hundreds?!"

Navi glared at the suspicious person, "Who the heck are you?!"

"I am the Great Fairy of Magic!" the 'Great Fairy' replied.

Navi paused, "I meant from which era are you from…"

The 'Great Fairy' paused, "…I will give you a magic spell! Please take it!"

A diamond-shaped object dropped from above and Navi got Din's Fire! A magical artifact that at the cost of some magic power can let out a fiery blast wave!

"You can use Din's Fire not only to attack, but to also burn things!" the 'Great Fairy' instructed.

Link peeked out from Navi's hands, "Hey! That's kinda cool!"

Navi looked at the 'Great Fairy', "Are you trying to turn me into a budding pyromaniac?"

"Errr…When battle has made you weary, please come back to see me!" the 'Great Fairy' told Navi.

Navi rolled her eyes, "Why of course, fellow pyro. I'll come here every day."

The 'Great Fairy' winked, "Great! See you then!"

Navi hovered in stunned silence as the 'Great Fairy' shrunk back into the center of the fountain.

Link had his gaze fixed on the object, "How come you get Din's Fire?"

"I'm guessing that it was because I played Zelda's Lullaby, instead of you," Navi said.

"But I want it!" Link wailed.

Navi rolled her eyes, "Whatever, you're supposed to be the hero in this story."

Navi tossed Din's Fire down to Link.

"Yay!" Link said.

Din's Fire landed and bounced off of Link's head. This somehow activated its magic process and a fiery dome began to engulf the room. Neither of our heroes expected this and the result was a burnt and broken Fairy's Fountain. Link body wound up looking half charcoaled, and most of his clothes had burnt holes in them. However, Link managed to save his hat from any major damage. The charred Kokiri looked at his hat.

"My hat… it's safe…YESSSS!" Link's mouth cracked into a smile of unintentional glee.

"…I'm not sure what to say to this," Navi paused as she watched the Kokiri dance.

Navi thought it was high time for Link to go and actually continue his quest, so she somehow managed to convince the boy to head off.
________________________________________________________________________

When they got back to Hyrule Field, Navi pointed to a mouth of a river, and managed to convince the boy to head swim up it. It wasn't long until they reached dry ground, and were stopped by a familiar voice.

"Hoo Hoo! It looks like you've gotten bigger and stronger already, Link!" the Random Owl exclaimed.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" Link exclaimed.

"Wait…" Navi paused, "If Link has gotten bigger, then I haven't noticed at all. How can you tell?"

"I have my sources…" the Random Owl smirked, "Just ahead lies Zora's Domain. The Zoras serve Hyrule's Royal Family by protecting this water source."

Link flopped into a slouch, "You sound like a boring teacher on a field trip…"

Navi blinked, "Link, what's a field trip?"

"I have no clue," Link said.

"Their door will not open for anyone except those who have some connection with the Royal Family," the Random Owl continued.

"That is us!" was Link's attempt to get the owl to go away.

"I wish guns were invented," Navi muttered bitterly.

"Let them hear the melody of the Royal Family. Hoo hoo hoot!" the random owl said.

The Random Owl flew away.

"But we already knew that!" Link yelled at the bird.

"You never know!" the Owl called back in retaliation.

Link and Navi groaned as continued heading upstream. They eventually came to the end of the road when Link approached a large waterfall. Our heroes then noticed the a Triforce symbol on the ground.

"Ahem?" Link held out his hand once more.

"Give up, Link. I'm confiscating this until you stop pestering people by finding out what a Zora is," Navi said.

"Navi, whenever there's a three…triangle thingy on the floor, like here," Link pointed to the Triforce symbol, "it means that I'm supposed to play the song of the Princess. I need it to continue on my quest."

But Navi was a stubborn fairy: "Not until you find out. Here."

Navi then put the ocarina to her mouth and played Zelda's Lullaby. Suddenly the waterfall parted from above, and revealed a hole in the side of the cliff. Navi flew in.

Link was soon to follow, however as he began to leap forward, the gap in the waterfall closed. Link's head was in between the waters and what resulted was the severe dousing of a certain protagonist's head. With his hat and hair soaked, and what seemed like buckets of water crammed down his ears, Link glared at the faint blue light that still flickered behind the falling waters.

"Naviii!" Link screamed.

Navi rolled her eyes as Zelda's Lullaby echoed from behind the waterfall. As soon as the waters parted, the dripping Kokiri boy charged through the opening and screeched to a halt. Link glared at the fairy.

"Thank you," Link growled.

Navi sighed, "Link, if it makes you feel any better, now I have damp living quarters to return to."

Only partly satisfied, Link headed through the hole in the cliff side and ended up in a cave-like area. Within it was a waterfall connected to a large pool of water, with a couple of roadways curving off into other rooms. Link, having no particular desire to get wet again, ran around until he found an area that looked somewhat more regal.

There was an elaborate gate and what sat in the center of it was an extremely overweight aquatic creature. It was garbed in a single red robe that draped around it like a cape. On it's head was a jewel. Before it was a platform from where people were assumed to talk to it. It was safe to assume that if these Zora people had a noble family, this one would be the King.

Link raised an eyebrow, "Is this a Zora?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Navi shrugged, "Not much to write home about, if you ask me."

"Are they always this ugly?" Link paused.

"Not always," Navi said, "if you want to see a regular Zora, then go to your left and talk to that tall thing atop of waterfall. But if, for some reason, you want to see the Princess, Ruto, then you have to go to Lake Hylia and retrieve the sunken bottle, show it to the Zora King here, then get a fish, show said fish to Lord Jabu Jabu, proceed to get eaten by Lord Jabu Jabu, complete a bit of the dungeon and you should come across her."

Link's jaw unhinged, "And how do you know THAT?!"

"Err…" Navi bit her lip, "Pretend you didn't hear anything…"

Link walked over to the opening to the left, "Okay! I'll take your strange advice and talk to the other Zora who's supposed to be this way!" Link sighed, "That is, if he IS there…"

Navi hovered on the spot, "Whatever. Have fun."

"Oh, my dear sweet princess Ruto…" the King muttered to himself, "Where has she gone? I'm so worried…"

Navi rolled her eyes, "Didn't you hear me when I said she's in the belly of Lor—I mean…Uh-oh…"

The King eyed the fairy with suspicion, "What was that?"

Navi looked side to side, "In the…in the….in the belly of Lorgoriontheiga!"

"And what, pray tell, is a Lorgoriontheiga?" the King Zora said.

"Oh, no no no no, you don't quite understand," Navi said, "'In the belly of Lorgoriontheiga' is slang for 'somewhere I, or you, or we don't know'."

"Seems like quite the pointless phrase for that statement," the King scoffed, "It would be much simpler if one would just say 'somewhere I do not know'."

"Well, er, that's not the only phrase 'in the belly of Lorgoriontheiga' is associated with. It can also mean 'something that doesn't concern me, or you, or us'!" Navi chuckled.

The King huffed, "Quite absurd."

Link walked back from the left of the room.

"Hi!" Link waved, "What'd I miss?"

"Well, frankly, in the belly of Lorgoriontheiga!" The King Zora said.

"Wait, what?" Link asked.

The King leaned towards the boy, "In the belly of Lor-gor-ion-thei-ga."

Link cocked his head, "Excuse me?!"

Navi chuckled nervously, "Oh, I'm sorry, sire, I forgot that it's only slang for us fairies. It's highly popular amongst us, but all the other races of Hyrule frankly don't know it."

The King turned to the side, "Hmf! Quite absurd indeed!"

"Wha—?" Link blinked.

Navi rolled her eyes, "Ahh! Never mind! Lets go see that Zora on the left again!"

"But I was just over there!" Link pointed behind him.

"Liiiiinnnkkk…" Navi glared at the Kokiri.

"I don't care what you say or do," Link sat on the floor and crossed his arms, "I'm not going back!"

"What if I threw your precious ocarina into the deepest depths of Lake Hylia?" Navi pulled out the ocarina.

Link eyed the blue fairy, "You wouldn't have the guts!"

"Oh yes, I would!" Navi flew over to the left.

"Hey! Come back here!" Link had trouble standing back up.

"Come and get me!" Navi's voice echoed through the corridor.

As soon as he possibly could, our little hero bolted after the crafty blue fairy. He charged through the hallway where he had just come, and failed to notice that this was where the top of the waterfall started. Navi, holding the boy's ccarina tauntingly, flew past the ledge, and out a few meters from the spraying waters.  Link, however, didn't notice how Navi's body was not hovering over solid ground. He dashed straight for her. When he stood before her, it seemed like a split second of time went by before Link realized his current situation and began to fall. Navi's peels of laughter seemed to trail behind him as he fell feet first into the waters below.

There was a loud 'splash' that echoed throughout Zora's Domain. When Link realized what was going on, he was promptly distracted by a couple of rupees that had sunk to the bottom of the pool. Link felt his wallet—empty. After he scrounged around the bottom of the pool to get some quick pocket change, he headed back up to the ledge to go after that pesky fairy. His soaking wet body dripped when he walked, and his boots made a weird squishing sound when he walked. Unfortunately, when he finally was back up top the waterfall, the Zora who stood there stopped him.

"Hey there kiddo!" the Zora smiled, "That was some excellent swimming!"

"Gah! What now—" Link said.

"As prize for getting all the rupees below…" the Zora rummaged through his fins.

"Look," Link breathed heavily, "You're a nice honest guy, right? You have a family and friends, right?"

"Um, yes?" the Zora paused.

Link glared at the Zora, "How would you like all that to end? Huh?"

There was a long and disturbing paused. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH!! Link got the Silver Scale! A silvery scale that Link obtained through threats! Remember kids, threatening people is good!

"With that, you'll be able to go into…heheheh…deeper water…" the Zora chuckled nervously, "Have a nice day?"

"Thank you!" Link growled, pocketing the scale.

Link turned to Navi, who was trying her best to control her snickering.

"Now, give me back that ocarina!" Link held out his hand, menacingly.

Navi looked at Link, and at the ocarina, "No. It's an effective way of blackmailing you to continue your quest."

"Wait, WHAT—?!" Link yelled.

Navi's glowing body zipped down below the edge of the waterfall. Link dashed to the edge of the waterfall, crouched down, and glanced over just in time to see the fairy zip into a hole at the bottom of the waters that Link had not noticed before. Link used the most obscene language he knew—which wasn't as obscene as one would expect due to Link's minuscule vocabulary. Link was about to turn around and take the driest path to said hole when a quick gushing current swept his feet out from under him, and flung him off the ledge. There was another loud 'splash' the echoed through Zora's Domain.
________________________________________________________________________

Link dove down into the hole and found that he ended up in a gigantic lake. This, he knew, was the infamous Lake Hylia that Navi had threatened to throw his ocarina into. Link looked around as best as he could with his sore eyes. He noticed four pillars of stone before him and submerged halfway. Link saw Navi flying by an object at the base of one of these pillars. For some reason, she had turned herself green, and flew around the object without any means of oxygen supply. Link hesitantly swam after the fairy as Navi reemerged to the surface.

"Oh, hello there," Navi giggled, "Did you have fun while I was gone?"

"GIVE…ME…BACK…THE…" Link yelled as he used the last of his strength to try to claw at Navi.

"Ocarina?" Navi asked, "Sorry, but I dropped it beside the bottle down there. I hope you don't mind."

Link glared evilly at the fairy as she dove back under to the object she swam around before, which was apparently a bottle. He dove towards her vibrant green body and grabbed ocarina. Or, so he thought, until he reemerged and held the bottle in his hands. DUN UN UN UNN! Link got a Bottle! Wait… There was something in it…

"Huh, what's that?" Navi said.

"I don't know, and frankly don't care…" Link snarled, "I want my ocarina!!"

Link started to submerge, until Navi grabbed hold of his ear.

"Well, it looks like there's a note in there," Navi stated, "So find out what it says before you go get the ocarina."

"But I can't read—"

"Just give it a try!" Navi snapped.

Link rolled his eyes as he pulled out the note, "It says: Blah blah blah, blah blah…"

"Aren't we the most happy-go-lucky of people today?" Navi said.

Link glared at Navi.

"There is more," Navi pointed to fine print at the bottle of the note.

"I'm telling you Navi, I can't read!" Link said.

Link handed the note to the fairy.

Navi sighed, "'P.S. Don't tell my fa—thhhheeerrr!'"

Navi's wet fingers slipped on the paper and the note fell back down to the bottom of the pillar.

"Ha!" Link said, "In your face!"

"Whatever," Navi said, "You're going to have to go get it back."

"No," Link huffed, "I've done enough of your 'continue on your journey' work, and I don't care whether or not I complete this quest. It's too hard, anyway."

"But Link," Navi said, "You're ocarina's still down there."

What Link said next was too evil and incoherent for anyone but himself to understand properly. Link took a breath and clawed at his ocarina. But, unfortunately, the game insisted that our little hero grabbed the paper note instead of the ocarina. The game designers then dictated that he must automatically swim back to the surface. DUN UN UN UNN! Link got the Paper Note…again! A note with secret…ahem, Link swam back under and grabbed the ocarina. DUN UN UN UNN! Link retrieved Saria's Ocarina! A cute ocarina that was held for ransom by a certain fairy for the past thirteen pages! Link resurfaced.

Link took long, deep breaths, "…That…lake…is deep…"

"Well noted, genius. Now stop hyperventilating and get that not to…" Navi turned to look at the note, "…Wait a minute…"

"What…now…?!"

"How did this paper note stay dry when it fell into the water?"

Link took a closer look at the note. Sure enough, the note remained dry as a bone.

"I don't know…" Link paused.
________________________________________________________________________

Link went back through the hole, ignored the squeaking of his shoes until he stood before the King once more. The King examined him from head to toe in startled awe more than anything. Link groaned and opened his new bottle, and showed its contents to the King. The King gazed at the empty bottle blankly. Link paused, and then realized that the note was no longer inside the bottle. Link blushed, pocketed the bottle, and gave the note to the King Zora.

"Ho! This letter! It's from Princess Ruto!!" the King Zora exclaimed.

"It is?" Link asked.

"Apparently…" Navi said.

"But all it says is 'blah blah—" Link started.

"Hmm… Let's see… She's inside Lord Jabu-Jabu? That's not possible!" the King Zora continued.

Link slapped his cheek, "You mean Navi's prediction was right?!"

"Shh! Play along!" Navi whispered, "Now, why wouldn't it possible?"

"Our guardian god, Lord Jabu-Jabu, would never eat my dear Princess Ruto," the King Zora said.

"…God?" Link paused, "Jabu-Jabu is a god?"

"Quiet!" Navi hissed.

"But, most deities, especially Din, Nayru and Farore, remain unseen so their whereabouts are unknown," Link whined, "If that's the case, then how could this Princess Rito, or whatever, get eaten, or write this note in the first place?"

There was a long pause.

"Is there any way that would make him eat her?" Navi rolled her eyes.

"Well… Since that stranger, Ganondorf, came here, Lord Jabu-Jabu has been a little green around the gills…" the King Zora said.

"Well, there you go!" Navi said.

"Ganondorf… Isn't he the guy Princess Zelda took his jewel from…?" Link pondered.

Navi glared at the Kokiri, "Shh! Do you want to get mobbed again!?"

Link gasped and slapped his hands on his mouth in horror.

"The evidence seems clear. Of course, you'll go find Ruto," the King Zora decided.

Link lowered his hands, "But whhhhhhyyyyyy?"

"Shut up, Link!"

"You can pass through here to the altar of Lord Jabu-Jabu," the King Zora pointed behind him.

Link examined the fenced wall behind the King. There was absolutely no opening that Link could see on either side of the King Zora.

After a long pause, Link asked, "Where?"

"This hole behind me," the King said.

Link gaped, "There's a hole behind you?"

The King Zora eyed the boy warily, "Yes."

Link squinted: sure enough, there was a sliver of an opening behind the King Zora's arm.

"Huh. I didn't notice it because you were so fa—" Link started, but was promptly bashed atop the head by Navi, "Owwww…"

"Pardon me?!" the King Zora exclaimed.

Navi flew up desperately to the King's face, "Fatuablitilus! Because you're so fatuablitilus!"

The King rolled his eyes, "Is it also some of your fairy slang?"

"No, no, no, not quite, your highness," Navi stalled, "It's Kokiri slang for 'absolutely fabulous'!"

Link cocked his head, "It is?"

Navi glared at Link.

"…It is!" Link chuckled nervously, "Of course, how could I, uh, forget?"

The King rolled his eyes, "Young ones these days. Oh well. I'll keep this letter, you keep the bottle it was in. Take it respectfully."

"Okay!" Link exclaimed.

"…Wait…" Navi paused, "How'd you find out about that the note was in the bottle?"

"Please find my dear Princess Ruto immediately…" the King Zora said, "Zora."

That was when the King Zora started edging his body over to the side of the ledge he sat upon. And certainly took his sweet time doing so. He moved to the audience's right hand side. Thus starting the longest unimportant cut scene in the entire game. Which the audience must watch—unfortunately.

"Mo-eep, mo-eep, mo-eep…" said the King as he shuffled to the side.

"It's obvious that he's avoiding the question," Navi huffed.

"Navi… I don't understand…" Link paused.

"What is there to not understand?!" Navi asked.

"Mo-eep, mo-eep, mo-eep…" the King Zora continued to shuffle to the side.

"How come the King said 'Zora' just before he started shuffling over to the side?" Link asked, "And now saying 'mo-eep' over and over again?"

"Maybe it was a translation error," Navi said, "After all, this videogame was originally translated over from Japanese."

Link's eyes widened, "It was?!"

"Mo-eep, mo-eep, mo-eep…" the King Zora was still shuffling to the side.

"Yes, it was, Link," Navi explained.

"Navi?"

"Yes, Link?"

"Mo-eep, mo-eep, mo-eep…"

"What's Japanese?"

"I have no clue…"

"Mo-eep, mo-eep, mo-eep…" the King Zora finished getting over to the side, "Now you can pass through."

"Yay! Finally!" Link exclaimed, "Thanks Mister—"

"…How?!" Navi exclaimed, "Instead of blocking the entrance behind you, you're blocking the entrance to the walkway so we can't get through!"

Link took a closer look at where the King Zora sat. Sure enough, the King was sitting on the walkway so Link couldn't walk over to the gap in the wall behind the King even if Link wanted to.

Link's smile dropped right off his face, "Hey! That's right! You mo-eeped the wrong way!"

The King paused, "Whoops. Pardon me."

"Link, Mo-eep is hardly a word by itself," Navi sighed, "So, therefore, there's no such word as 'mo-eeped'."

The King Zora started scuffling over to the audience's left.

"What kind of word is 'mo-eep' anyway?" Link muttered under her breath.

"It's the sound he makes as he shuffles to our left," Navi said, "And since this was a Japanese game, it's just a—"

Link kicked the ground, "Japanese, Shapanese! Hylian's so much more awesomer and stuff."

It was a form of cruel and agonizing torture: because the Game Designers had not predicted that the King Zora would shuffle the wrong direction, the camera still focused on his majesty as he scuffled back along the path in which he came. And since the King had traveled the wrong way, he now had to shuffle twice the distance he normally would have. And as the game dictated, the main character had to stay plastered to the spot. This would have been okay, maybe a little annoying for some, however the Game Designers did not take into account Link's extremely short attention span. When the Zora King finally finished going over to the correct side, Link was flopped on the ground, and looked undead from the boredom.

"…Blahoogeelowynfimablah," gargled from Link's throat.

"Link, he's finished," Navi said.

Link's joy could not be expressed in mere words.

"Squeeeeeeeeee!" Link squealed.

His hyperactive little body whizzed through the many winding corridors as he let his ADHD run wild. Navi, unaware of what she unleashed, had no choice but to try her best to stay close to the boy.
________________________________________________________________________

When the little Kokiri had finally worn himself out, Navi noticed that they had ended up in some sort of shop for the Zoran people. Link sprawled himself out on the floor and watched his blue fairy fly in circles above him.

"Haaaaa…hoooooo…" Link wheezed, "Oh man…that was…so…awesome…"

Navi's body jolted suddenly, "It seems Princess Ruto has somehow gotten into Jabu Jabu's belly!"

Link blinked, "No duh…Navi… You were…the one who knew…that before the King saw that…note…!"

"Oh, I know that, Link," Navi sighed, "I'm sorry, it's just that sometimes when you press the up button command, I start spewing out this obvious nonsense that I don't even want to say!"

Link's jaw dropped, "Wait, whaaaa?"

There was an awkward silence.

"Errr…" Navi turned to the Zora behind the counter, "How much for that fish!"

"Hmmm, well let's see," the Zora shopkeeper took a fish in a bottle off the shelf, "Based on the size of this beauty, and the sleekness of those scales, I'd say around 5 000 000 Gald."

Navi hovered on the spot, "Uhhhhh……"

"Wow, that sounds expensive," Link sat up and opened his wallet, "I wonder if I can afford it…"

"What the heck is this 'Gald' you speak of?" Navi said.

"Huh?" the Shopkeeper said.

The Zora grabbed a thin book of loosely stapled together papers and opened it up. This must have been his script book. The Zora Shopkeeper skimmed through his lines wearily. Then he flipped the script closed, and glanced at the cover.

The Zora peered closely at the script, "Oh, wait a second, this one says 'Tales of Symphonia' on it. Whoops, wrong fandom."

The shopkeeper threw the script over his shoulder and then bent behind the counter. He dug through a shelf unseen by Link and Navi, and the Zora tossed various items behind him while doing so.

Navi retrieved the other script, "Tales of Symphonia, huh?"

"Yeah," the Zora's head peeked out from the bottom of the countertop, "It's a Gamecube game with a story filled with plot twists, changing of gears, self-proclaimed angels, and generally good game play."

Navi flipped through the script, "Oh yeah? I've been thinking of getting a Gamecube for a while now…"

"Gimme that!" Link snatched the script from the fairy, "What's a Gamecube, anyway?"

"How'd you even get a hold of this?" Navi asked.

The Clerk shrugged, "If you're a flat and static character like me, acting for two different fandom stories isn't all that bad. Besides, the pay's good."

The Shopkeeper's hand reemerged from behind the counter. Another loosely stapled together script with the words 'Ocarina of Time: Totally Messed' printed on it was lodged between his fingers.

"Ah ha! Here we go!" the Zora stood up, "Okay, which page are we on…"

"I dunno…" Link shrugged, "I'm acting a character who can't read anyway."

"Link, you're so useless!" Navi snapped, "Anyways, you've never told us how much that fish is."

The Zora flipped through the pages, "Chapter 5 page 19, chapter 5 page 20—Ah, here we go!" the Zora cleared his throat, "1000 rupees."

"Wwhhhhaaaattttt?!" Link bellowed, "That's just robbery!"

Navi shrugged, "Hey, look on the bright side. At least if you suddenly decide to go traveling to other worlds within the next few days or so, we'll know the exchange rate between currencies…"

"But N-Navi…" Link sniffled, "I don't have that much… I only have t-ten rupees…"

"Bah, fine, let me handle this," Navi sighed, then flew over to the countertop, "Mr. Fish Guy, how's 900 rupees sound to you?"

"Madame, I'm not an idiot," the Clerk said, "If you think you can bargain down the price to ten rupees from one thousand, you're sorely mistaken."

Link walked up to the counter, "But you were the one who was reading the wrong script."

"Shut up, kid."

Out of the corner of his eye, the Shopkeeper saw Navi steal Link's bottle, swoop over, and grab the fish off the shelf. DUN UN UN UNN! Navi stole a Fish! What a fishy incident… Navi then zipped out of the store as fast as her little wings could carry her.

"Come back here!" the Shopkeeper yelled after her, "You rotten little—"

"THIEF!" Link joined in, "I learned in a previous life that stealing a 900 rupee bow is dishonest!"

"Oh! That's right! You're still here!" Shopkeeper said, "That means you can pay for it!"

Link looked at his wallet, and then looked at the door, "Uhhh… Hey, wait up, Thief!"

"HEY!"

Link bolted out the door and soon found himself running along side Navi. Together they ran into the chamber where the King Zora sat, and ran through the opening that had been opened behind him.
________________________________________________________________________

Link then found himself at a large body of water, and a large platform in front. The Zora's Fountain, Link would find out later. Unfortunately, this platform could not be used for viewing the scenery or to go fishing since there was a gigantic whale-like creature that had closed his lower jaw on the edge of the platform. Fortunately, Link was not one for viewing scenery. Link hopped into the body of water, for the boy was now getting used to the idea of getting unnecessarily wet. Behind the monster of a fish there were a couple of islands attached to the Cliffside, one of which had explode-able looking rocks. And since a certain side-kick's destructive tendencies kicked in, Link was then forced to blow open the rock and go through the pathway behind it.
________________________________________________________________________

Through the hole, our heroes found themselves in a familiar looking setting… There was a large fountain of water, and a Triforce symbol on the ground.

"Oh great," Navi sighed, "Not another one of these."

"Now, now, Thief, just because the first two were almost naked, maybe this one will be different."

"Link, I very much doubt that," Navi said, "And stop calling me thief."

Link muttered "…Racist…" under his breath.

Link played Zelda's Lullaby on the Triforce symbol. Instantly, a large woman, who looked identical to the other two, rose up out of the fountain. Link covered his eyes.

"Welcome Link! I am the Great Fairy of Magic!" the 'Great Fairy' told Link.

"OH, FARORE!" Link yelled, "Not again!"

"Wow, two sluts of women in one chapter?" Navi asked, "You really are unlucky, Link."

"……I will give you a magic spell. Please take it, you ungrateful child," the 'Great Fairy' said.

DUN UN UN UNN! Link received Farore's Wind! A green diamond that resembles Din's Fire, only it teleports you places instead of doing damage…and doesn't do as good a job as it sounds…

"Remember, you can use Farore's Wind only in dungeons that have a dungeon map hidden inside, okay?" the slut of a fairy winked.

"No, it's not okay! This is a lame item!" Link threw Farore's Wind to the ground, "It can only teleport me in dungeons?!"

"No, it is not lame!" the 'Great Fairy' slut protested, "It is very useful when you save, turn off the power, and want to teleport to the room you were previously in!"

"I suppose that is useful in a way…" Navi pondered, "However, it would be much better if Link randomly woke up in Kokiri Village, and then could instantly warp to Hyrule Castle."

"Yeah! See!" Link exclaimed, "Wait, Thief, what do you mean by 'saving' and 'turning off the power'? Power to what?"

Navi paused, "I have no clue."

"Whatever," Link turned to the 'Great Fairy', "I bet that, out of all the fairies, you're the lamest!"

"Hmph! I take offence to that!" the 'Great Fairy' muttered, "Ungrateful child."

"Honestly!" Navi put her hands on her hips, "Would it kill you to put a shirt on?"

"No, not necessarily," the Slut of a Fairy said, "But frankly, we Great Fairies take pride in how little we dress in without changing the rating of this game."

"…We did not need to know that…" Navi slapped her forehead.

"…When battle has made you weary, please come back to see me," the 'Great Fairy' winked at Link.

"NOOOO!" Link yelled, "Don't look at me! Though I can't see you, I can still feel you looking at me!"

However, Links screams were in vain since the 'Great Fairy' had already began to shrink away. Link, upon noticing this, exited the fountain.
________________________________________________________________________

Link decided it would be a good idea to stand in front of the gigantic whale-like creature. And that was precisely what he did. Link took the fish in the bottle from Navi.

"Link, what are you doing?" Navi asked.

"Maybe if we drop this fish in front of Jabu-Jabu, then he'll eat us up, like he did the Princess Rito," Link uncorked the bottle.

"It's Ruto, Link," Navi said, "And besides, that's not such a good idea. I don't know about you, but being digested was not on my list of things to do today."

Link loosely recorked the bottle, "Look, Thief, in order to save the princess, I'm pretty sure that the game designers intended us to jump inside, and also, we have nothing else to do with this stolen fish. So, at the very least, we'll be continuing story mode, disposing of the stolen goods, and promoting cannibalism. What more could you want?"

Navi sighed, "Link, are you sure that Jabu-Jabu wouldn't just open his mouth for us if that is what the game designers want us to do?"

"Nope!"

Link pulled out his sword, and started slashing about wildly onto Lord Jabu-Jabu's lips. Even as Link slashed, they remained shut. Link then turned around to face Navi, ignoring the blood trickling down the cracks in Jabu-Jabu's lips.

"We're in a Legend of Zelda game, Thief!" Link said, "Things are never that straight forward!"

"Alright then, fine," Navi said, "Just hurry it up before the Zoras come out and see what you just did to him. And stop calling me Thief."

Link opened the bottle and dumped the fish on the ground in front of the gigantic fish. As it flopped about, Jabu-Jabu blinked, opened his mouth wide, and started sucking everything nearby inside. The fish went flying forward, and Link and Navi soon followed.
________________________________________________________________________

After zipping through the air, Link landed squarely in the middle of Lord Jabu-Jabu's tongue, with Navi falling a few feet behind him. Link sat up, and looked at his hands—covered with saliva. Link shook his hands wildly and stood up.

"Uhhh…" Navi flew up wearily, "What happened?"

Link wiped his hands on his tunic, "Hit me if I think of another stupid idea like that again, Thief."

"With pleasure, Idiot," Navi smiled.

"Oh, gross," Link pinched his nose, "Jabu Jabu's breath stinks…"

"Link, let's get going," Navi dodged a drop a saliva that fell from the roof of Jabu-Jabu's mouth, "It'd be a pain to stay here longer than we have to."

"That's easy for you to say… you don't have to walk around on this stuff!" Link said.

Link lifted up his foot. The bottom of his boot was covered with the clear ooze, and made a squelching sound as he lifted it.

"Who's idea was this?" Navi asked, "The exit is over there."

Navi pointed to the closed jaws of Jabu-Jabu. His sharp teeth dripped clear ooze by the bucket.

"Fine, fine," Link groaned, "I'm going."

Link proceeded through the throat, evaded the stomach, and ended up in one of Jabu-Jabu's lungs. There were several jellyfish monsters, which for some reason, could shoot off electricity. Link evaded these, and found a small Zora person. It looked different from the other Zora in that it had a head in the shape of a hammerhead shark, but besides that, was pretty similar to the others. Link ran up to it, and could determine that it was indeed female, mainly due to the pitch of her voice.

"You!" the Zora girl said.

"Who, me?" Link blinked.

"Yes, you!" the girl said.

"Whaddya want?" Link said.

"Who are you!?"

"I'm Link, the first Kokiri to wander outside the forest and live!" Link exclaimed, "And this is Thief! She stole a fish! Pleased to meet ya!"

"Actually, my name is Navi."

"Sure, whatever, Thief."

"I am Ruto, Princess of the Zoras," the Zora girl said.

"Oh, you're Ruto? This is great!" Link grinned, "Sure, she might not be in the first castle, or the first room, but she's pretty close to the entrance!"

Navi rolled her eyes, "The King Zora was looking for you."

"What?!" Ruto exclaimed, "Are you saying my father asked you to come here and save me?"

"Pretty much," Link said.

"Wait, we never said that!" Navi exclaimed.

"It was extremely obvious," Ruto crossed her arms, "After all, that's all he was thinking about!"

"No he wasn't!" Navi exclaimed, "Tell her, Link!"

"Actually…." Link bit his lip.

Ruto ignored this, "I'd never ask anyone to do such a thing! Save me…honestly!!"

"Oh!" Link flung his arms behind his head, "A princess who doesn't want to be saved! That makes things even easier!"

"L-Link! You're not helping!" Navi turned to Ruto, "What about the letter in the bottle?!"

Ruto raised her eyebrow, "'Letter in a bottle'? I frankly have no idea what you're talking about!"

"See?" Link smirked, "Knew getting that note was pointless."

"B-but your father is worried about you!" Navi said.

"My father is worried about me? I don't care!" Ruto began looking around the room, "Anyway, I can't go home right now."

Link slouched, "You mean we have to come back later?!"

"And you…" Ruto turned to Link, "Get out of here! Understand?!"

This command took Link completely by surprise. Without thinking, he stood and saluted her.

"Yes ma'm!" Link said.

With that, Ruto turned her back on Link, and walked away from him. But because she wasn't looking at where she was going, she fell down a hole.

"Ooooh nooooooo!" was how Ruto screamed as she fell.

"Aw man," Link sighed, "It's gonna be a pain to get her back up, I just know it."

"Why are there holes in here, anyway?" Navi looked around, "What is Jabu-Jabu, a chain smoker?!"

Link sighed, and leapt down the hole. Even though she had only fallen a few seconds before, she was already walking towards what looked like a door.

Ruto turned around, "Are you still hanging around here?!"

"Yeah," Link shrugged, "Pretty much."

"I told you to go away!" Ruto snapped.

"But you just fell down a six meter hole!" Link exclaimed.

Link flung his arms up to the hole from where they had fallen. Sure enough, if it weren't Legend of Zelda, that jump would have been fatal.

Navi turned to Link, "So did you…"

"I'm okay," Ruto's cheeks turned a different colour, "I've been going inside Lord Jabu-Jabu's belly since I was little, but…Lord Jabu-Jabu is very strange today…"

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait," Link said, "You've been in here before!? Out of your own free will?!"

"Yes, is it so impossible to believe?" Ruto huffed.

"Dude!" Link exclaimed, "You have got to be the first princess who has gotten herself kidnapped because you wanted to!!"

"For the last time, I'm not kidnapped!" Ruto exclaimed.

"What is with Hyrule and it's crazy princesses!?" Navi asked.

"Ignore her," Link lowered his voice, "Thief's got a bit of a princess phobia. Which is understandable considering first princess we met was…welll……."

Ruto looked at Link for a few minutes, and then turned away from him, "Don't compare me to her!"

Link blinked "…Huuuuuhhhhh…?"

"First the electrified jellyfish and strange holes around…" Ruto muttered, "Then two idiots who think the most atrocious things…!"

"Link, stop calling me Thief already! And another thing!" Navi turned to Ruto, "Don't compare you to who!?"

"On top of that, my precious stone was…but…that's none of your business!" Ruto huffed, "Anyway… You! Go home now! Understand?!"

"She sure likes bossing me around, doesn't she?" Link asked.

"Daaaww," Navi cooed, "Someone's playing hard to get…"

"Shut up!" Link glared at the fairy, "Anyway, Ruto, are you sure you'd like to stick around here?"

"Are you that worried about me?" Ruto blushed.

Link paused, "Well, I wouldn't want to stay here myself."

A huge drop of some mysterious ooze landed beside Link. There was a loud splash.

"Then I will give you the honor of carrying me," Ruto nodded, "However…I won't leave until I find the thing I'm looking for. You'd better believe me!"

"Uhh, sure?" Link asked.

Ruto sat on the ground.

"Nowww…" Link looked around, "Where to go from here…"

"Hmph! Need me to do everything, do you?!" Ruto huffed, "Here!"

Ruto took out a large piece of paper and handed it to Link.

"What's this?" Link asked.

"The map!" Ruto turned her head to the side, "I found around here earlier. Take it respectfully."

"…Dude," Link said, "If you didn't make it, who did?"

"…Wait," Navi paused, "This means that somebody else came in here out of their own free will before you, and made a MAP of the place?!"

Link picked up Ruto, and held her on his head.

"Well, you can't say Lord Jabu-Jabu's internal anatomy is particularly normal, can you?" Ruto said.

Navi grabbed Link's map and saw the odd twisting and turning systems drawn out on it.

"No, I guess not," Navi said.
________________________________________________________________________

If, in the off situation, Link lost Ruto in a room, or left her behind at any time, Link had to go back to the previous room, and retrieve her. This sometimes means jumping down that hole again to get her. In this off situation, she would say the following…

"How inconsiderate! How could you leave me behind?!" Ruto screamed.

Link paused, "……I'm not even sure how I did it myself…"

"If you're a man, act like one!" Ruto yelled, "Take responsibility!"

"Ruto, I've already tried," Navi said, "No matter how many times we mysteriously lose you, Link will never man up, or take responsibility."

"Hey!" Link said.

"Never?" Ruto glared at he fairy, "Would you still say the same thing in seven years?"

Navi looked at Link, "…Yeah, pretty much."

"HEY!" Link exclaimed.

Ruto sat down, and Link carried her off again.
________________________________________________________________________

Throughout Link's trek, he discovered that Ruto have many useful purposes. This included using her weight to step on switches, throwing her at switches on the ceiling, and even tossing her at various enemies to instantly kill them. Since Link was such a gentleman. After a great deal of monster slaying, Link and Ruto found themselves in a room with a raised platform. And though Link couldn't see it himself, he could tell that whatever Ruto was looking for was on top of it, since she started flailing about merrily.

"Link! Link! Up there!" Ruto exclaimed, "Throw me up there! On that ledge!"

"Ow, ow, ow," Link's face became acquainted with Ruto's heels, "Okay, okay! Just stop kicking me for a second!"

Link threw the Princess onto the platform, and DUH DU DUH NUH NU, NUH NUH NUH NUUHH NUUHH NUH NUUHHHHH!!! Princess Ruto got the Spiritual Stone! But why Princess Ruto…?

"Oh my goodness! I finally found…my mother's stone…" Ruto fixed her gaze on this stone, "I got very upset when Lord Jabu Jabu swallowed it…"

"…By the looks of things," Link said, looking at Ruto, "that wasn't the only thing he swallowed…"

"While I was feeding him, he suddenly swallowed me! I was so surprised I dropped it inside…" Ruto sighed.

"Now, what's the moral of this story?" Navi asked, "Never keep a precious stone in hand while you're feeding gigantic animals. That way you save Link and I a lot of time!"

Link sighed and rolled his eyes. Suddenly Ruto snapped her head around and glared at the boy.

"Take that back!" Ruto yelled.

Navi raised her eyebrow, "Take what back?"

"Not you, him!" Ruto pointed at Link, "Take back that comment about how stupid you think I am, and how stupid you think Lord Jabu-Jabu is, and how stupid you think it is how you have to do all of the work in this country—!"

"Wait, what?" Navi asked.

Link raised his eyebrow, "Can you read my mind or something?"

"Actually…" Ruto trailed off.

"Waaaaiiiittttt…." Link paused, "You CAN?!"

"I never said I couldn't."

"B-but why me?!" Link stuttered, "Out of all the people in Hyrule, why am I—"

"Oh, it's not just you," Ruto replied, "I can read hers too, but they've mostly been overly sarcastic remarks about your stupidity."

Link turned to the fairy, "…Navi!!"

"Oh, you've finally called me by my name," Navi smirked, "Anyway, how can you—"

There was a pause, "No, it does not have anything to do with the shape of my head!" Ruto growled, "Our magicians have no explanation for it, as of yet. However, they theorize that I have some sort of extra section on my brain that allows my mind to surpass physical barriers that others usually find, and that I have other abilities that I am slowly awakening over time…"

Link leaned forward, "Well, excuuuuuuse me, prin—"

"No! No! Stop right there!" Navi said, "You've done that joke one too many times in your previous life, and you are not going to do it here!"

"Fine," Link muttered, "Say… Do you think that this series will have a joke as annoying and as overused as that one?"

"I have no clue," Navi sighed.

"…But, now that I've found it," Ruto said, "I don't need to be here anymore! So, take me home, right now!"

"Then hop back down here," Link huffed, "I can't reach you when you're up there."

Link took a few steps toward her highness, and she did the same. But, before either of them could get close to the other, the raised platform Ruto stood on rose up into a hole in the ceiling.

"Keeeeeyaaaaaaahhhh! What is this? A giant Octopus?" Ruto's screams could be heard from below.

"Hmmm," Link put his hands on his hips and looked at the source of the sound, "You think we were being too loud?"

Navi raised her eyebrow, "Wow, Jabu-Jabu's body really does have weird anatomy, doesn't it?"

The platform suddenly lowered itself again, and revealed a gigantic octopus on top of it. Suddenly, the octopus hopped from the ledge, and began going around the edge of the platform. Fortunately, Link defeated this mini-boss with relative ease, and used its remains for a quick dish of 'Salt and Pepper Squid'. Well, it was supposed to be a quick meal, except for that it was an extremely large octopus, our heroes had to search for said salt and pepper, and this was the boy's first meal since his journey began.
________________________________________________________________________

Anyway, after his tasty meal, Link continued through Jabu-Jabu's insides, found the real boss, and defeated it. After his battle, he grabbed his heartpiece, and he saw a familiar blue light. Link noticed that Ruto was sitting—on nothing—in this light. Link stepped inside.

"You… You're late!" Ruto said.

Link blinked, "I was on a time limit?"

"What took you so long?" Ruto said.

"Weelllll… First, you know that octopus that kidnapped you? Yeah, he was good, nice and juicy. Real tasty… Ahem, then we—" Link replied.

"I think she gets the point, Link…" Navi said.

"You're useless!" Ruto turned her head away from the boy.

"Hey," Link said, "I wasn't the one who got kidnapped."

"I never got kidnapped!" Ruto exclaimed.

"Wait… Why would you care whether or not Link was late or not?" Navi asked, "Do I sense a crush?"

"Navi!" Link snapped.

Ruto blushed, "I-I was just lonely, that's all… Just a little!!"

So after Ruto made herself clear, a little too clear, Link and Ruto warped outside using the portal.
________________________________________________________________________

Before he knew it, Link stood on a fallen over tree, outside of Lord Jabu Jabu's insides. But, of course, the camera crew decided to zoom in on Link's face. The camera zoomed out slightly, and showed that Ruto's face was only a couple of inches away from his. As it would appear, Ruto had full intention of kissing the Kokiri boy. Fortunately for him, Link's foot was planted on a rotten patch on the wood, and it had just given way. Link promptly lost his balance, and fell into the lake. Ruto dove in after him. As Link lifted his head above the water, he noticed that Ruto was swimming close to him with a seductive expression on her face.

"You! You looked cool… Cooler than I thought you would, anyway… Just a little!" Ruto exclaimed.

"Ha!" Link exclaimed, "At least someone in this game appreciates my cool looks."

Link combed his hair back with his hand.

"Link, I doubt that anyone will ever appreciate you, no matter how many times you save princesses…" Navi said.

"Well, anyway, you saved me, so I guess I'll reward you. What do you wish? Just tell me…" Ruto smiled suggestively.

"Oh gee, what do I want?" Link looked pensively at the sky, "Well, first of all, I'd like a ground floor on my house, and I want a red carpet leading from the entrance to the forest to my house, oh and, uh, let's see…what else…"

Ruto stared blankly at the Kokiri boy.

"Oh, and I'd like my own chariot for traveling, none of this walking by foot crap… And, I'd, uh, think it'd be nice if I could get this email thing that those gigantic fairies have… Oh, and I'd also like—"

"Link!" Navi exclaimed, "She means stuff that she can get for you! How can she get you all that stuff?!"

Link paused from his list of things he wanted, "She is a princess, isn't she?"

"Let's just stick with asking for the Spiritual Stone, okay?" Navi sighed.

"You mean the Spiritual Stone of Water, Zora's Sapphire, don't you?" Ruto asked.

"Wait, it has a name?!" Link asked.

"Silence, Link. And yes, Ruto, yes, we do," Navi told Ruto.

"My mother gave it to me and said I should give it only to the man who would be my husband. You might call it the Zora's engagement ring!" Ruto explained.

"But it isn't even in the shape of a ring—Wait, HUSBAND?!" Link exclaimed.

"So, are you giving it to him, or what?" Navi asked.

"Whoa, whoa! Back up here!" Link exclaimed, "I am not ready for a packaged deal here!"

"Link, you can hardly call a twelve year old Zora a 'packaged deal'…" Navi said.

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no! She is SO a packaged deal!" Link waved his finger at Navi, "Not only do I have to marry her in order to get a stinkin' stone, but once I do, I'll become KING of all the fish people!"

Ruto glared at Link, "These 'fish people' have a proper name, idiot."

"See why I always think so sarcastically about him?" Navi asked.

"Whatever! I am NOT ready for anything of the sort!" Link huffed, "So there! Tell Zelda that she'll just have to find some other guy to get the Spiritual Stone of Water!"

Oh come now, Link," Navi voice lowered as she flew close to Link's ear, "What are the chances she'll remember this after today?"

"Ah, good point," Link said, "Okay, gimme the stone, already."

Link held out his hand towards the Princess. Ruto paused.

"…I'm not sure whether this is a wise choice, but I'm willing to give you my most precious possession: Zora's Sapphire…" Ruto said.

uto flipped over onto her back, and swam away from Link. Soon, a blue glow floated above her head, and the stone fell down from above. DUH DU DUH NUH NU, NUH NUH NUH NUUHH NUUHH NUH NUUHHHHH!!! Link got the Spiritual Stone of Water! A stone in which Link used false promises to get! Remember kids, lying is good! Link looked at the waters in front of him to note that Princess Ruto had mysteriously disappeared off the screen. Suddenly, the screen turned white, and Ruto's voice could be heard on the wind…

"Don't tell my father…" Ruto's voice said.