Chapter 10
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What would happen if the Zora's Domain was taken over by Jello(TM)?
Wonder no more! …Wait, what? Jello(TM)? Seriously? What is up with some of these chapter questions? Ahem. On with the story!
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Link and Navi trotted into Zora's Domain after overcoming some traumatic waterfall memories.

"Man, I love the shortcuts in the Lost Woods," Navi hummed.

Link wrung out his hat. "I guess, but did I have to get wet—whoa."

Link stared at the Zora's Domain. He saw a cavern frosted over with layers of gelatin. Link bent down to a nearby thicker patch and poked it.

"What is this stuff?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Let me ask the more important question and say what the %&*@ happened here?!" Navi let out.

"I fail to see how that's more important," Link stood up.

"And I fail to see how you fail to see how you're an idiot," Navi said. "Now let's keep going."

Navi flew on ahead.

Link nodded in agreement. "True, tru—hey!"

Link charged after her. Soon they arrived at the King Zora, sitting in his usual spot. However, he was encompassed completely in a red gelatinous substance.

Link licked it experimentally.

"Mmmm…" Link licked his lips. "Cherry flavoured."

"Ewww!" Navi let out. "Don't eat it!"

"How else are we supposed to get him out of there?" Link asked.

Navi zipped into Link's inventory.

"H-Hey!" Link protested.

Navi reemerged with Din's Fire.

"With firepower, of course!" Navi smirked.

"Warn me before you do something like that!" Link huffed.

"Okay, maybe," Navi said. "Anyway, are you going to burn this place to kingdom come or do I get to do the honours?"

Navi snickered in anticipation.

"I'll do it, thank you," Link swiped the spell out of her hands. "After the story you told me about your high school, I don't think I can trust you with something like this."

"Spoil sport," Navi grumbled.

Link held the diamond spell in his hand and concentrated all his magic into it. Soon, the signature red dome surrounded Link. It burst out in all directions, leaving a scorched trail in its wake.

The red goop remained unscathed.

"That was disappointing," Link paused. "Who knew that cherry flavouring's sheer amount of awesomeness made it fireproof?"

"No, no! You're obviously doing it wrong!" Navi snatched the spell again. "Here. Let me show you how it's done."

Navi swooped down and grabbed the diamond spell out of Link's hand. Soon the signature fiery dome shot out, indicating that she had successfully cast the spell.

The red gelatin barely even jiggled.

There was a pause.

"Okay, um…" Navi bit her lip. "T-That was just bad execution. Here goes."

Navi cast the spell once more, leaving burnt sea life in its wake. She glared at the gelatin standing mockingly intact.

"Oh, come on!" Navi let out.

Navi cast Din's Fire yet again.

"Why!"

And again.

"Isn't!"

And again.

"It!"

And again.

"Working?!"

Navi was about to cast it one more time, but a charred gantlet grabbed Din's Fire out of her clutches. Navi turned around. Link's blackened face coughed out puffs of ash. His tunic and gantlets were nothing but semi-charred remains that loosely held together. Navi stared at the top of the screen. Link only had three hearts. He managed to keep his hat somewhat intact, though.

Navi looked around her. Surrounding her were blackened walls, smoldering gelatin, and brooks carrying the residue downstream. If Zora's Domain's air didn't have a high water concentration, the place would have been in shambles.

"Let's leave the hat intact, okay?" Link coughed out some more smoke.

"Augh! I knew this thing wasn't working," Navi muttered to herself. "I'm never visiting that slut of a fairy ever again!"

"I thought we were never going to see them again anyway," Link added.

"That's besides the point," Navi huffed.

"So, um," Link rubbed some soot off his face, "apart from my completely unrealistic aftermath from fire, do you have any suggestions on what we should do?"

"You can go back to eating the stuff if you want," Navi grumbled.

"Okay," Link shrugged.

Link began nibbling away at the red goo. His health went up a quarter of a heart.

"Wat is dis stuff, anywais?" Link said with a mouthful of goop. "It's delicious."

Navi dipped her finger in it and licked it. "I wasn't serious, you know. And…mmm… It is kinda tangy."

Navi paused.

"What am I doing—I don't know how long this stuff has been on the Zora King's body!" Navi spat the goop out.

"Wat was dat?" Link looked up.

"Never mind," Navi sighed. "Go back to eating. It may not be the best thing for you, but it is the first time I've ever seen you eat in a while."

Link began devouring the gelatin once more. Navi paused. She looked at the ceiling. She looked at Link. Still munching. She looked at the walls. Then at Link. Still at it. She looked at her wrist, realized the gesture wasn't productive in this time period, then back at Link again.

"Okay, this is taking too long," Navi said. "Come on. Let's spite the fat lard of Zora and go behind him without his permission."

If Navi didn't know better, she could have sworn the King Zora was glaring at her.

"But it's recovering my HP—" Link protested.

Navi pointed at the exit. "Now."

Link wiped bits of the sugary gelatinous mix off his face. He sighed and ran off after Navi, who was flying down the hallway.
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To say that Zora's Fountain had changed over the years would be an understatement. Link could barely believe his eyes when he laid eyes upon the place. Everywhere Link looked there was nothing but brightly coloured gelatin. Gelatin water, gelatin platforms, and even a gelatin cave off in the distance. It was like blatant product placement, only without the companies contacting the authoress.

Apparently, Jabu Jabu couldn't stand the sight of the goop either, since he was nowhere to be found.

"Okay, this is just getting ridiculous," Navi said. "As tasty as it may be, nobody can like this stuff that much."

"You know, maybe they didn't," Link pondered. "Maybe one of Ganondorf's minions bought a whole bunch of packages, but didn't know what to do with it, so they dumped all the contents in the fountain. What they didn't expect, however, was for the temperatures to drop to the point where the gelatin to fully form."

"Must restrain urge to ridicule…" Navi grumbled.

Link hopped across the surface of the gelatin, and made his way into the cave in the side of the wall.
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Hours of Jello(TM) traversing later…

"Oh my Farore, I am sick of eating all this…this…stuff!" Link let out.

"Well, at least your HP is at max," Navi said.

A clear gelatin monster slid over to Link. It spat Jello(TM) at him.

"Though, I have to admit, that is hilarious," Navi snickered.

Link wiped the goop off his face. "Why do I get the feeling I won't get a heart container after all this?"

"Well, at least it's almost—hey," Navi looked up. "What's that?"

Link brushed the gelatin off his arms and looked up. There, up on a higher ledge, was a strange blue glowing thing that resembled a giant flame. Link climbed up.

"Wow, this is cool," Link examined the glowing object closer.

"Saaaay!" Navi's face lit up. "Maybe if we bottle up the blue fire, we can use it against the red stuff around the king."

"But it's not fire," Link said. "It's the same stuff as all the rest."

"What are you talking about? Of course it's fire—" Navi began.

Navi reached out and touched the floating mass. To her horror, and slight disgust, it, too, was gelatinous. Navi stared down at the pedestal. On it was a sign that read 'Blueberry Jello(TM)'. Beneath that it said 'contains no traces of nut products'.

"Jello(TM)?" Navi blinked.

"What?" Link asked.

"It's what it says," Navi said. "It's apparently called 'Jello(TM)'."

"Maybe that's what the other stuff is called too," Link pondered.

"Whatever, so maybe it is," Navi huffed. "Can we use it somehow?"

Link took a bite. "It's tasty," he admitted.

"Okay, so now what?" Navi groaned. "We can't use the blue 'Jello(TM)' to burn the red Jello(TM). That…that just doesn't physics. Period."

Link took another bite.

"Say, I wonder how the blue gell stuff would taste with the stuff on the king," Link pondered.

Navi paused, staring at Link. If this fic was any cartoonier, a light bulb would have appeared above her head.

"I hope you have hollow legs," Navi smirked.

"Huh?" Link blinked.

"Just bottle it up," Navi huffed.

Link raised an eyebrow, but complied. Link hopped down, and continued his trek through the gelatin mania
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Link and Navi soon came across a room different from the others. It was littered with crystals and twinkled in the soft light Navi emitted. Link paused.

"Why do I get the feeling that I have to fight a boss here?" Link sighed.

"Because rooms that look different from the main temple or dungeon are obviously boss rooms," Navi said. "…We've been at this too long."

Link nodded. "That we ha—"

Link froze.

"Link? Why did you cut off like that?" Navi paused.

Link didn't move. Navi followed his gaze. There, at the other end of the room stood a large, white, Wolfos. It charged towards them.

"Uhhh…" Navi raised an eyebrow.

"Awwwwww!" Link cooed.

The wolf stopped dead in its tracks. "Arf?"

The wolf sat down and tilted its head to the side. Link dashed toward it, his arms outstretched.

"Oh, not this again," Navi slapped her forehead.

"It's so cute~! I'm going to name it Wigijigiland!" Link hugged Wigijigiland around the middle. "Don't you think that it's a lovely name?"

Wigijigiland started to gnaw on Link's leg.

"Where the crap do you get all these weird names?!" Navi buzzed up and down. "Can't you just name it 'Jim' like a normal person?!"

Link covered Wigijigiland's ears. "Navi! Don't hurt Wigijigiland's feelings like that!"

"Will you stop befriending Wolfos'!" Navi snapped. "Besides, this one's the boss."

"But it's too cute for us to fight!" Link smiled at Wigijigiland. "I know! He can be our cute and lovable partner on our adventures!"

Link's statement was lost on Navi, as Wigijigiland had clamped his jaws shut over her.

"Mmmm, mm mmm mmm'm mmm mm mmm mm mmmm mmmm mmmmmmm, m mmmmmm m'mm—!" Navi's muffled yelling was heard from Wigijigiland's muzzle.

(Translation note: 'Link, if you don't get me out of here this instant, I swear I'll—!')

"What?" Link asked with his hand over his ear, "I didn't catch that."

Wigijigiland shook himself loose from Link's grasp. It turned and charged toward Link again. It leapt into the air, paws extended towards our hero's face. Link opened his arms, about to welcome the embrace.

"Wigijigiland!" Link declared. "Come to Papa!"

Wigijigiland accidentally stabbed himself on Link's sword and died.

"Nnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooo—!" Link fell to his knees in despair, "My poor Wigijigiland! It was too young to die!!"

Navi whizzed out of Wigijigiland's slack jaw. "Link, don't make me troll you again."

"Do what?" Link blinked.

"Never mind," Navi sighed. "Just get the chest already."

Navi pointed to the chest in the corner.

"But don't I at least get the chance to mourn my best friend of all time?" Link protested.

"That won't be necessary," Navi said, "since I'm still alive. Anyway. Treasure. Get it."

"You are so bossy, you know that?" Link grumbled.

"And you're stupid," Navi sighed. "I honestly don't know why the goddesses assigned you to the job as the Cho—"

"Shoes!" Link exclaimed.

Navi looked over to see Link trying on shoes. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH!! Link got Iron Boots! Which just look like his regular boots with metal weights on the bottom. Lame?

"Link, you can't be serious," Navi said.

Link didn't skip a beat, and put them on.

"These are soooo cool!" Link's face lit up. "Now I'll weigh, like, a thousand pounds!"

Navi stared speechless as Link began admiring himself with them on. Sheik fell from the ceiling. Sheik took a step back in surprise.

"Navi, do these make me look fa—hello," Link coughed.

"No wonder fandom can't decide if you're straight," Navi said.

"What in Nayru's name are you doing?" was all Sheik could let out.

"Erm, it's, um, not what it looks like," Link blushed.

"Uh, yes. Yes it is," Navi said.

"Hey! It was your idea to come here and mock the king," Link crossed his arms. "It's not like there are any manly minigames I could play with the Zoras instead, anyway."

"If you came here to meet the Zoras, you wasted your time… This is all there is… With one exception, the Zoras are now sealed under this thick ice sheet…" Sheik explained.

"I'm guessing he didn't get the memo," Link whispered.

"Memo?" Sheik blinked.

"The gelatin stuff is apparently called 'Jello'," Navi said. "And my guess is that belongs to some well-known business, since the authoress keeps slapping on '(TM)' after it. I think she's trying to avoid legal issues."

"Gelatin…stuff?" Sheik blinked.

There was a long pause.

"Sheik, didn't it strike you as a bit odd when the 'ice' started wobbling under your feet?" Navi asked.

"Now that you mention it," Sheik pondered, "it was suspiciously easy to chisel her…"

"Whatever," Navi sighed. "What did you want to tell us?"

"…I managed to rescue the Zora Princess from under the ice—" Sheik started.

"Jello(TM)," Link lifted up a correcting finger.

"…'Jello(TM)'," Sheik rolled his eyes. "but…she left to head for the Water Temple… This Jello(TM) is created by an evil curse…"

"Jello(TM) created by an evil curse?" Navi asked in disbelief.

"Or a monster who was drunk at Cosco," Link added.

"What is up with all this advertising this chapter?!" Navi let out.

"The monster in the Water Temple is the source of the curse," Sheik continued.

"So…" Link paused, "the boss of the Water Temple was drunk at Cosco?"

"Link, stop it!" Navi smacked his head. "You don't even have a clue what Cosco is."

"Unless you shut off the source, this ice—I mean Jello(TM), will never melt…" Sheik said.

"So Jello(TM) can melt," Link gasped.

"But Din's Fire doesn't do a thing," Navi said. "What do you suggest?"

"If you have enough courage to confront the danger and save the Zoras, I will teach you the melody that leads to the Temple." Sheik explained.

"That doesn't exactly sound effective," Navi said. "Got any other ideas?"

"No," Sheik shot a glare at Navi. "Now shut up and listen to my poetry."

"Tch, poetry's for losers," Link huffed.

"Link, I thought you would have grown to appreciate the fine arts," Navi protested.

"Poetry's still for losers."

"Bah, don't mind him, Sheik," Navi said. "Now, go on."

"Time passes, people move…. Like a river's flow, it never ends…" Sheik began.

"But Jello(TM) just stays in one place," Link added.

"Shh!" Navi whispered.

"…A childish mind will turn to noble ambition… Young love will become deep affection… The clear water's surface reflects growth…" Sheik spoke a little louder.

"Oh Din," Link paled. "I forgot about Ruto."

"Now listen the Serenade of Water to reflect upon yourself… Play the Serenade of Water!" Sheik exclaimed.

Navi started to clap.

"Thank you, thank you," Sheik bowed.

"And you were calling me girly?" Link rolled his eyes.

"Link!" Navi hissed. "Don't diss poets! Do you know how much girls dig guys who write poetry?!"

Link raised an eyebrow. "They do?"

"Sensitive girls, mostly, but they do!" Navi said.

"…Unfortunately," Sheik seemed to deflate a little.

Sheik took out his harp out of seemingly nowhere, as always, and played the Serenade of Water. Link whipped out his ocarina and played it back. DUH NUH NUH NUH NU NUH NUH NUH NUUUUUHH!! Link learned Serenade of Water! Warping song number three in the bag!

"Link… I'll see you again…" Sheik told Link.

Sheik threw a Deku Nut and vanished. Link stumbled around blindly.

"Huh," Navi paused. "I just realized that I'm not affected by those. I love being an NPC."

"You lucky little—uagh!" Link let out.

There was a loud splash. Navi looked over at a nearby hole in the ground.

"Great," Navi groaned. "He's still wearing those iron boots, isn't he?"

Navi dove into the water.
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Link heaved his way into Zora's Domain. Dragging one foot forward and slamming it on the ground. He did the same with the other, water dripping off his hair.

"Link, this would be a lot easier without the iron boots on—" Navi repeated.

"No, no, a thousand times no!" Link grunted with each step. "I just got my first new pair of boots in seven years and I wanna wear them!"

"Those things weigh a ton," Navi said. "They kept you at the bottom of the fountain and if I didn't share my air bubble, you would have drowned. You're being ridiculous."

"What I'm being," Link panted, "is practical."

"Bah, whatever," Navi huffed. "I'm obviously not going to get anywhere with that attitude."

Link stomped over to the Jello encased Zora King.

"Okay," Link smiled. "We're here. Wait, why were we seeing the Zora King again?"

"Just give me your bottle," Navi sighed. "The one with the blue Jello."

Link paused and hesitantly gave the bottle to Navi. Navi ripped open the cork after getting a good grip, and wedged the blue gelatin into the red. After a few minutes of fidgeting, the goop had turned purple.

"Uhhh…" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Now eat," Navi demanded.

"Uh, when I wondered how they tasted together, I didn't actually want to find out. And, no offense, but, um," Link bit his lip, "didn't we already try this?"

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again," Navi said.

"Okay," Link leaned over and took a bite, "but I still have my—OH MY DIN, THIS IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER TASTED, EVER!"

Link devoured the Jello(TM) like there was no tomorrow.

"Product placement gone wrong, that's what this is," Navi sighed.

Soon…

"Ouch!"

"Did you say something, Navi?" Link looked up.

"Oh hey!" Navi exclaimed. "You've got most of the King out."

"I'll take it from here," the King Zora used his exposed arm to shoo Link away.

"But it's so yummy—" Link protested.

"Link, shut up," Navi said. "He might give us stuff. We don't want to upset him."

"So, I assume it was you two who saved me," the King began picking Jello off his arm.

"You are correct," Navi rolled her eyes. "Of course, Mister Girly Girl here insisted on taking a detour in the fountain. Almost drowned himself because of it."

"Hey! New shoes, you wear 'em!" Link protested. "There's nothing wrong with that!"

"Unless they drag you to the bottom of every body of water and you almost drown because of it," Navi said. "Then, yes, it is very much a problem."

"It looks like you have a hard time breathing under water," the King Zora noted.

"Just a little," Link shrugged.

"Definitely," Navi groaned.

"As an expression of my gratitude, I grant you this tunic," the King nodded. "With this, you won't choke under water."

The Zora King pulled a blue tunic from out of his cape.

"…You were carrying that around," Navi paused, "all this time, all these years, under your cape?"

"Indeed," the King Zora nodded. "What of it?"

"Why?" Link and Navi asked in unison.

"I—! …I don't remember. I'll have to think about that," the King began to ponder.

"Bah, never mind, just give it to us," Navi sighed.

DUN UN UN UNN! Link got the Zora's tunic! A blue tunic that makes him look hotter than usual!

"…Our narrator's weird," Link paused.

"Trust me, you don't know the half of it," Navi shuddered.

"And I have a feeling I don't want to," Link sighed. "Moving on."

"Ah, I see… Princess Ruto went to the Water Temple…" King Zora nodded.

"She did?" Link asked.

"Link, we've been over this. This is the power of the NPC," Navi whispered. "Apparently this means she's in the Water Temple. Wherever that is."

"Ohhhh…" Link nodded understandingly.

"Not to mention that Sheik told us that she went there," Navi added. "But having NPC powers helps."

"The power of what?" the King blinked.

"…We'll be going now," Link pointed behind him.

Link stormed out of Zora's Domain, clanking all the way.
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Eventually, Navi got fed up with Link's slow traversing and told him to play the new song he learned. Link then played the Serenade of Water. This warped him to an island in the middle of Lake Hylia. Lake Hylia had been drained of most of its water, except for a small pool at the bottom of the island Link stood on. In the pool was a large gate.

"Huh," Link looked around. "Weird."

"Seems a bit," Navi paused, "out of the way, compared to the others."

Navi jolted.

"Those Iron Boots look like they weigh a ton! If you wear those boots, you might be able to walk to the bottom of a lake," Navi told Link.

"So now you want me to wear these?" Link asked.

"That was O.N.A. you dolt," Navi said.

"I thought I said to quit it with the insults," Link huffed.

"You're making that very hard. Trust me," Navi sighed.

"I don't have to put up with this," Link stormed off. "I'm going to—uagh!"

There was a loud splash. Navi looked over the edge of the platform they stood on. Link sunk like a stone.

"Put your new tunic on, you twit!" Navi called out.

By the sizeable amount of bubbles that floated to the surface, Navi assumed Link was trying to yell at her. However, he seemed to comply. She flew under and joined him in her air bubble.

"So, how is it?" Navi asked.

Link gulped. "Breathing water is so weird."

"That's nice," Navi said. "Now let's get going. We have a medallion to get."

"And a fiancée to confront," Link shuddered.

"One thing at a time, Link," Navi said. "Besides, she's probably forgotten by now."

"Okay, fair enough," Link sighed.

Link used his Hookshot to pull out the pin holding the gate. Together they went in.
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Link entered the Water Temple, which had mostly been submerged. Link dove into the water, and explored the bottom floor. He entered a room. He gasped. Air bubbles floated out as he recoiled. He made a mad dash for the door.

"You come back here right this instant!" a voice yelled at him.

"Never!" Link cried.

"Ha! I dare you to leave!" the voice sounded smug. "For as soon as you entered this room, you activated a cut scene, which means I am in complete control!"

"Noooo!" Link bellowed.

"Daaang," Navi paused, "being an NPC has its perks."

"Quite right," the voice chuckled. "Now, be a good little man and turn around."

Link, much to his dismay, turned around to face Princess Ruto.

"That's better," Ruto smirked. "Now, you are Link, if I recall correctly."

"You can't even remember his name?" Navi asked. "What kind of fiancée does that make you?"

"Shh!" Link whispered. "Don't remind her!"

Ruto shot a glare at Navi. "The funny thing about you is that you very rarely contain your thoughts."

Ruto glared at Link. He grinned sheepishly.

"You, on the other hand, need to stop being rude," Ruto snapped. "Just because you've forgotten about my telepathic abilities doesn't give you the right to be disrespectful."

Link gasped.

"How does that make me more menacing?!" Ruto growled.

"Oh yeah…" Navi muttered. "Ruto can read minds…"

"That's not all," Ruto said conversationally, "in the last seven years I've gained some telekinetic abilities as well as gotten quite skilled at invisibility. I'm still working on perfecting my hypnotic powers, though."

Navi gulped.

"That's right. You'd better not make me angry," Ruto smirked.

"Crap, um…" Link chuckled nervously.

"Oh, it's quite alright," Ruto smiled. "You don't have to contain your thoughts from me. After all, we will wed one day, and I doubt that what you think will be nearly as awkward as what some of my father's men have thought. Especially around me."

There was a pause.

"It's always so quiet when people have no idea what to think," Ruto sighed wistfully.

"W…Was there something you wanted to talk to us about?" Navi let out.

"Indeed there was. You're a terrible man to have kept me waiting these seven long years!" Ruto snapped at Link. "…But now is not the time to talk about love…"

Ruto glared at Link.

"Just because you don't need to restrain your thoughts, doesn't give you the right to be cocky!" Ruto snapped.

"S-Sorry…?" Link gulped.

"Ruto?" Navi sighed.
 
"Oh, right," Ruto coughed. "I'm sure you've already seen it! Zora's Domain—totally Jello(TM)-ified!"

"That's it. I hate advertising," Navi said.

"A young man named Sheik saved me from under the Jello(TM)… Though my father and the other Zoras have not…yet…I want to save them all!" Ruto continued. "I want to save Zora's Domain!"

"A noble cause, I'm sure," Navi grumbled. "But it's, um, you know, Jello(TM)? Can you just get a stampede of starving Gorons to eat the stuff and free your people?"

"Don't speak their name in my presence!" Ruto hissed. "We have been in a Cold War with those rocks for the past six years!"

"…Literally, I take it," Navi said.

"Maybe it was a Goron who was drunk at Cosco…" Link pondered.

"Nobody was drunk at Cosco!" Navi hissed.

"You!" Ruto raised an authoritative finger.

"Who me?" Navi blinked.

"No! Him! Link has to help me!" Ruto huffed.

"You didn't really clarify…" Navi said.

"Yes?" Link looked around nervously.

"This is a request from me, the woman who is going to be your wife!" Ruto proclaimed. "And stop thinking like that; I don't devour future husbands."

Navi stared quizzically at Link.

"Don't bother asking," Ruto sighed. "It was a stupid thought to begin with."

"But I thought you said I didn't—" Link began.

"Quiet, hubby, I have a request for you," Ruto said. "Link, you have to help me destroy the evil monster in the temple. Okay?!"

"Oh, is that all?" Link sighed. "Whew! And here I thought—oh, uh, you already know."

"Exactly," Ruto said. "So, what do you say?"

"Well…" Link started.

"Good. Inside the Water Temple, there are three places where you can change the water level," Ruto explained. "And quit your whining, this is important, so listen up."

"This is getting annoying," Navi huffed. "It's like listening to a person on the phone—you don't know half the conversation."

"I'll lead the way. Follow me, quickly!!" Ruto said.

With that, Ruto swam upwards. Link sighed.

"I'm glad that's over with," Link smiled.

"I can still hear you!" Ruto's voice echoed from above. "And your thoughts, too!"

"Brilliant," Navi rolled her eyes.

"Why do I feel like I won't be rid of her like in canon?" Link sighed.

"Are you coming up here or aren't you?!" Ruto sounded angry.

"And take off my boots?" Link asked. "But I just got them—"

Suddenly, Link was telekinetically lifted off the ground, propelled through the water, and shot up to the floor above.

"Son of a…" Navi stared up in awe.

"Ahhh!" Link screamed.

"You are…heavy!" Ruto sounded out of breath. "Where are you hiding that weight?"

Navi flew up and joined the two. "Look at his feet."

Ruto stared at his Iron Boots. There was a long pause.

"I agree with that fairy of yours," Ruto said. "Take them off or I'll do it myself."

"But they're brand new—" Link protested.

"Manually," Ruto grinned evilly.

Link could read Ruto's mind from her expression alone. He put on his old boots.

"That's better," Ruto smirked.

"I have no idea what to think anymore," Navi sighed.

"Good, it'll be a lot quieter around here," Ruto said.

"Why you—!" Navi snarled.

Ruto telekinetically shoved Navi into Link's hat.

"…This will be a long temple, won't it?" Link sighed.

Link, Ruto, and the angered Navi continued their trek through the temple.
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To Link's surprise, Ruto was actually of some assistance. Her telekinesis helped throw enemies into each other when he needed to deal with puzzles and the like. He wasn't fond of how closely she clung to him when they hookshotted across gaps, though. Eventually, they came into a room, shrouded in mist. In the center was a withered tree.

"Most undignified," Ruto let out. "If you're going to keep plant life at all, you'd think they have to dignity to at least keep it alive!"

Link said nothing, but silently nodded. Navi stared.

"What do you mean you think he's afraid to afraid to think around me?!" Ruto snapped. "He just not one for mental conversation, that's all!"

"If you can read my thoughts, you already know what I think of that," Navi said.

"Honestly!" Ruto huffed. "How does he put up with you?"

"Better than how he puts up with you," Navi grumbled. "Now, there's obviously some sort of gimmick to this tree, so maybe there's something about it that will—"

Navi flew around the tree. She came face to face with herself.

"Whoa," Navi recoiled. "Hello."

"Hey, look, listen, watch out!" it smirked.

"Ack!" Navi let out.

"What?" it chuckled. "Are you scared?"

"You're…I'm sorry, what are you?" Navi asked.

"I'm you, of course!" the fairy laughed.

"Uh, no. No you're not," Navi said. "I'm not that dark a shade of blue."

"My, my, aren't you Captain Obvious," Dark Navi cackled.

"Okay, what is going on!?" Navi yelled.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were smarter than that," Dark Navi smirked. "I am your  dark reflection. You must defeat me to continue on your journey."

"Um, no, bull crap," Navi said. "Link! Get over here and do something. This is more up your ally than mine."

Link nodded and quietly came over.

"And what? I'm just supposed to stand here and wait quietly?" Ruto tapped her foot.

"That was what I was hoping, yes," Navi said.

"Excuse me?!" Ruto hissed. "You dare speak that way to the future Queen of th—"

Ruto froze.

"I recognize that look," Navi spun around. "What cute animal have you fallen in love with this tim—"

Navi paused. She turned back to Ruto. She double checked Ruto's gaze. There was no doubt about it. Ruto was staring at Link.

That or his Dark version of himself. They were fighting each other by the tree, so it could be either or.

"T-There is…" Ruto sounded amazed, "…two of them?"

…Or both. Navi was caught by surprise when Ruto leapt toward the battling men.

"Sometimes I'd like to know what goes on in her head," Navi sighed.

"Yes! Yes!" Dark Navi cackled. "May her guts splatter across the floor when she's caught in the crossfire!"

Navi raised an eyebrow. Meanwhile, the Dark Link stopped to look at the incoming Zora woman.

"Whoa," he chuckled. "Who's this chick?"

"She's, uh, Ruto," Link gulped. "We're engaged."

Dark Link whistled. Link stared.

"Are you…actually…attracted to her?" Link took a step back.

"Are you blind? Look at her!" Dark Link whispered. "She's running around naked! Do you realize how much money that can save you?"

"…I beginning to think that you're not much like me at all," Link took a step back.

"Suit yourself," Dark Link shrugged.

Ruto ran into Dark Link's arms. She snogged him fervently. One thing lead to another and soon they were making out on the floor.

"Boo!" Dark Navi heckled from the sidelines. "Needs more gore!"

"Uhhh…" Link blinked.

"Look, do we really have time for this?" Navi sighed. "The Zora people aren't getting any better."

"They've been down there for three years already," Ruto broke from a snog. "They can wait a little bit longer."

"Isn't that a bit selfish—" Navi began.

"Can it, tennis ball!" Dark Link called out.

"I'm sorry, no!" Navi yelled. "We have a quest to save Hyrule! We need to save the Zora people, or whatever, and you two exchanging kisses isn't going to help any!"

"Pssh, just leave us here then," Dark Link snarled. "Go on your goody two shoes adventure."

"No, no, she's right, as much as I'd hate to admit it," Ruto sighed. "My father and my people should be a first priority."

Ruto got up off the floor. Dark Link glared at Navi. Dark Navi began to laugh.

"I won't forget this," Dark Link pointed at Navi.

"Apparently," Navi groaned.

"My, your mind has gone gruesome," Ruto remarked.

"Stab the Zora in the back!" Dark Navi cackled. "She'll never expect it!"

"And you I could frankly do without," Ruto huffed. "Your thoughts give me the heebie-jeebies."

"I have no idea what's going on," Link sighed.

"That's alright, dear, nobody's expecting you to," Ruto nodded.

"Anyway, you're the mini boss here," Navi said. "At least, that's what I'm assuming at this point. What's the gimmick here?"

"Defeating me," Dark Link said.

Ruto let out a shrill gasp.

"…Oh boy," Navi paused.

"But, I don't exactly feel like dying right now, especially since I have a score to settle with you, so I'll just do this," Dark Link snapped his fingers.

The mist in the room faded. The opposite door unlocked. A chest appeared.

"Good, this we can work with," Navi sighed. "Link, get that."

Link went over and opened the chest. DUN UN UN UNN! Link got the Longshot! It's like the Hookshot, but only more competent!

"Guess I don't need this anymore," Link tossed the Hookshot over his shoulder.

Navi rolled her eyes. "Now let's get going."

"And why should I take orders from you?" Ruto crossed her arms.

"Because Link's afraid to think around you, my dark clone seems to be fixated on gore, and Link's clone is a perv," Navi explained. "And unless you want to get everybody organized, I'm the most mentally capable one here."

"Oh, alright," Ruto rolled her eyes.

Link and Navi exited. Dark Link followed, with an arm draped over Ruto.

"Quick! Gut her! Gut her!" Dark Navi whispered.

Dark Link stuffed Dark Navi into his hat.
________________________________________________________________________

As it turned out, Link found that the Water Temple was the hardest temple to navigate so far, so he found he was at mercy of the map, compass, and backtracking most of the time. Occasionally, Ruto and the Dark clones would assist with the puzzles and the finding of keys, but they were usually unwilling to comply. Link stared in contemplation at his dungeon map.

"We're lost again?!" Navi let out.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Link groaned. "It's just that I have no idea where I'm supposed to go from here."

"Well, just figure something out!" Navi huffed. "The last thing we need is for Ruto and your Dark clone to start making out again."

"We're not deaf, you ungrateful little—" Ruto said a ways away.

"Pff, they're just jealous, babe," Dark Link said close to her.

"Of course they are, my sweet," Ruto giggled.

"…At least your clone distracts her quite a bit," Navi shrugged. "So, that's useful."

Link let out a heavy sigh.

"Oh, what now?" Navi huffed.

"Why can't you be as helpful as Dark Navi?" Link asked.

"Hey! Whoa! I'm helpful!" Navi protested. "I've gotten us out of lots of difficult situations with my wit and cunning!"

"The first day we met, you told me how to open a door," Link glared at the fairy. "And I was how old?"

"Link, like it or not, you needed my help opening that door," Navi pointed out.
________________________________________________________________________

Flashback

"Nooo!" Young Link banged his fist against the door, howling uncontrollably. "Why isn't it opening?! There's no door knobs, handles, or anything! Why, Farore?! Why?! Why are you being so cruel to me!?!"

"Uhhhh…" Navi paused.

End of Flashback
________________________________________________________________________

"…That's debatable," Link said.

"And what makes you think Dark Navi is more useful than I am?" Navi asked. "She hasn't exactly provided much input."

Link pointed over his shoulder to Dark Link and Dark Navi.

"…And if I go kill the original me," Dark Link pondered, "then Ruto will be mine, but if I do that, I won't have any hope of exploiting your original and harnessing the power that both of you possess. Hmmm… What do to…?"

"I've got an idea!" Dark Navi perked up. "Why don't we just kill them all?"

Dark Link smacked his forehead. "Of course! That way I can take their place, take over her kingdom, and use her militia to overthrow Ganondorf at the same time! You are a genius!"

"Of course I am," Dark Navi nodded.

The Dark clones started cackling with glee. Link looked at Navi expectantly.

"…I prefer to think I'm nicer than that," Navi said.

Link sighed, and began reexamining the map.
________________________________________________________________________

Eventually, Link and his companions managed to find their way to the boss's room. In the room was a large pool, with various pillars standing up from the water.

"Ugh, finally," Navi groaned. "If I had to put up with anymore fish on dark clone mush, then I would have thrown up."

Navi was suddenly tossed telekinetically thrown to the floor.

"That was for your insolence!" Ruto snapped.

Navi was smacked against the floor repeatedly.

"And that is for your attitude!" Ruto added.

"I—! Am—! Really—!" Navi yelled as best she could against the floor. "Beginning—! To—! Hate—! Princesses—!"

Ruto spun around to Link. "Anything you'd like to add to that?!"

Link slowly shook his head. Ruto turned to Dark Link and Dark Navi.

"No, I won't escalate to bloodshed, it's not my style," Ruto said to the fairy, then turned to Dark Link. "As for you, I'm flattered, really, but I have no intention of taking over the world, even with you."

"This is…so…weird," Navi heaved from the floor.

"Who said it was your turn to speak?" Ruto shot Navi a glare.

Navi was smacked against the floor once again.

"Cut it out, already!" Navi growled.

Navi looked up to see Ruto and the other's faces frozen in terror. Navi fluttered up, and turned around to see a gigantic mass of goop, readying to attack.

"No!" Dark Link exclaimed.

"It can't be!" Ruto shrieked.

"More Jello(TM)?!" Link gasped.

"Lame," Dark Navi spat.

"Can someone just pay Cherry-sama already so she can shut up about Jello(TM) already?!" Navi let out.

A large blob of flavourless Jello(TM) was thrown up against the wall. The large splatter barely missed Link.

"Whoa!" Link dove out of the way.

Link took a battle pose and drew his sword.

"Your proportions are off," Dark Link said.

Link pressed his sketchbook against his chest to hide the picture of his sword and stick man.

"Hey!" Link protested. "No peeking!"

"Liiinkkk!" Navi yelled.

"Hey," a blob of Jello(TM) splattered overhead, "I don't see any of you guys volunteering to help me. Besides, the lighting in this room is so unique compared to anything I've ever seen before!"

Navi floated there ominously.

"My, my, what a potty mouth you have," Ruto remarked.

"You!" Navi spun around at Ruto. "You have mind powers and whatnot. Why don't you help Link out?"

"And I will," Ruto nodded. "From the sidelines. Everyone needs encouragement."

"Oh, for crying out loud," Navi groaned. "What about you two? What's your excuse?"

"Me?" Dark Link asked. "You kiddin'? We're from the same dungeon! I'm not going to backstab a fellow minion of darkness."

"And you?" Navi sighed.

"Well…" Dark Navi chuckled.

"She's hoping that Link will lose and your innards will be described in enough graphic detail to bring the rating up to 18+," Ruto said.

"Hey!" Dark Navi protested.

"Why am I not surprised?" Navi groaned. "And, Link, stop drawing! We could die!"

"Any suggestions?" Link didn't lift his head from the sketchpad.

"Well, I dunno!" Navi huffed. "Try the sour milk? It worked the previous two times."

"That's not a bad ide—uah!" Link gasped.

Link was grabbed and picked up into the air by the large blob, making him drop the sketchbook. The Jello(TM) monster dangled him upside down, tauntingly. Out came the sour milk, falling into the goop. The cork floated up, ominously.

The Jello(TM) monster shriveled up anticlimactically. Link plummeted to the floor.

"This is just getting sad," Navi said.

"Boo-yah!" Link cheered. "The power of Evil Sour Milk never lo—wait, this is where it absorbed the milk? Ick! Get me out of here!"

Link scrambled out of the pit as fast as he could.

"I…I need a moment…" Navi sighed.

"Could have drawn that better…" Dark Link flipped through the sketchbook. "Could have drawn that better… That one is just pathetic…"

"H-Hey! That's private!" Link protested.

"Quick! Get the Heart Piece!" Dark Navi yelled.

"Wait a minute—!" Navi let out.

Before anyone could react, Dark Link dropped the sketchbook and leapt over to the platform with the twirling heart on it. DUN UN UN UNN! Dark Link got the Heart Container! Psyche!

Link dashed for the sketchbook and put it back in his inventory. Link looked over, to the center of the now empty pool. He squinted.

"Say, Navi," Link paused.

"What is it now?" Navi groaned. "Can't you see I'm having kind of a bad day?"

"I found another one," Link said.

"Another one of wha—oh Farore," Navi paused.

Navi stared at an identical teleporting device. There was a pause. Dark Navi zipped into the portal.

"See ya later, suckers!" Dark Navi called.

There was another pause.

"So, what is the significance of this?" Ruto asked.

"We have no clue, actually," Link said. "And come to think of it, didn't we use these back, seven years ago, in Dodongos Cavern and Jabu Jabu's belly…?"

"This is just a bad day. A very, very bad day," Navi muttered to herself.

Navi flew into the portal. Link shrugged, and followed her in. The Zora and dark clone entered shortly after.
________________________________________________________________________

Link and Navi were transported to the Chamber of the Sages once again. Facing the blue pedestal, Link stared blankly as both Ruto and Dark Link appeared before them.
 
"Link… I would have expected no less from the man I chose to be my husband," Ruto whispered.

"Uh, thanks?" Link blinked.

"Not you! Him!" Ruto pointed to Dark Link.

"Sucker," Dark Link stuck out his tongue.

Dark Link gave Link a malicious grin, then pecked Ruto on the cheek.

"So, um, is this just a…thing now?" Navi asked.

"If by 'thing' you mean that we plan to be wed within the year, then yes, this is a 'thing' now," Ruto was beaming.

There was a pause. Ruto glared at Link and Navi.

"Stop cheering!" Ruto snapped. "You could at least pretend that you are upset that I chose him over you!"

Tears of joy rolled down Link's face.

"Ouch! Quiet it down! Now you're giving me a headache," Ruto clutched her head.

"Wait a second," Navi looked around. "Where did my dark version go?"

There was an awkward pause. Dark Navi was nowhere in sight.

"…Crap," Navi said.

"A-Anyways," Ruto coughed, "Zora's Domain and its people will eventually return to their original state. Fortunately, that also means I can grant my eternal love to you without interruptions."

"That's right," Dark Link whispered into Ruto's ear. "And soon, we can play some…games…"

"This is just getting creepy," Navi said. "Can you hurry up and just give us the medallion already so we can get on with it?"

"Fine, fine, I was going to inform you that I feel that Princess Zelda is alive, but, by your thoughts, I know that you obviously have no interest in what I have to say," Ruto huffed. "Here is the medallion. Take it respectfully!"

DUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUUUUUUUUHHH!!! Link received Water Medallion! It turned into water, and fell onto Link's face.

Link a white light surrounded Link when warped out of the Chamber of the Sages.

"If you see Sheik, please give him my thanks, okay?" Ruto's voice on the wind told Link.

"Wait, what if Sheik was the one drunk at Cosco…?" Link's voice pondered.

"I said nobody was drunk at Cosco!" Navi's voice echoed in the wind.
________________________________________________________________________

The water level of Lake Hylia returned to normal. Sheik stood stoically on the island in the center of Lake Hylia.
 
"As the water rises, the evil is vanishing from the lake… Link, you did it!" Sheik exclaimed.

Link was unceremoniously dumped on the warping platform. There was a loud 'clang'.

"Owww!" Link winced in pain.

"That's what you get for putting your iron boots back on again," Navi huffed.

"Hey, Ruto can't stop me now, so—Oh! Hey, it's Sheik!" Link's face lit up.

Link stomped over to Sheik, clanking all the way. Sheik raised an eyebrow.

"Say, Sheik," Link brought Sheik in close, "did you happen to go to Cosco after you drinking too much lactose one evening?"

"Uhhh…" Sheik paused.

"Oh my Din, Link!" Navi let out. "Why won't you let that joke die?"

"I'd like to see you explain all the product placement in this chapter," Link called back.

"Did Ruto want to thank me?" Sheik asked.

"Um, not sure how you knew that, but…" Link bit his lip.

"I see…." Sheik said. "We have to return peace to Hyrule for her sake, too. Don't we?"

Link shuddered at the thought of what Ruto and Dark Link were up to at that very moment.
________________________________________________________________________

"BINGO!" Dark Link exclaimed.

"Dang it!" Ruto slapped her card on the floor. "I was so close to beating you, too!"
________________________________________________________________________

"Look at that, Link… Together, you and Princess Ruto destroyed the evil monster!" Sheik exclaimed. "Once again, the lake is filled with pure water. All is as it was here."

"Jello(TM) is evil?" Link asked.

"What is this, anti-product placement?" Navi huffed.

Link and Sheik looked out over the glistening waters. After a couple minutes, Sheik took a few steps back, used a Deku nut, and disappeared. Link turned around to see that Sheik had vanished from sight.

"At least he had the decency not to blind you this time," Navi said.

"But still!" Link huffed. "Would it kill the guy to say a proper 'farewell' for once?"

Sheik, who was in the tree behind them, jumped into the water. There was a  loud splash, which doused both Link and Navi thoroughly. Link flicked the water off his hands.

"That's it," Navi glared at the water. "Sheik is going down."