*Link and Zelda are sleeping, naked in the back room of the studio. Ganondorf and Mido are chatting in the studio*
Ganondorf: So, I don’t know. Nabooru is just a little pissed at my personality so that’s why we broke up.
Mido: Tough break man. I’m actually planning on hooking back up with Saria. I’ve been thinking about here for weeks now.
Ganondorf: Either that or your just possessed by her ass.
Mido: What!? That’s bull I don’t stare at it…that much.
Ganondorf: Are you shitting me?! Remember the Christmas party?
*Flashback of Link’s Christmas party*
Link: I need more eggnog.
Saria: Me too.
*Darunia gives them a few eggnogs*
Darunia: Help yourselves guys.
Ganondorf: Hey Darunia, Merry Christmas *Ganon hands a present to Darunia*.
Darunia: Oh, thanks. I have one for you too, Ganondorf *Darunia hands a present to Ganon*
*They both open their presents and simultaneously cream pies attached to springs splat into their faces as they open their presents*
*Saria sits down at the table next to Mido*
Mido: *Nervously* Oh…um…hi Saria.
Saria: Hey, Mido. How’s it going?
Mido: Fine, and you?
Saria: Oh I’m doing just…*Saria accidentally spills her eggnog* oops! Hold on let me clean this up.
*Saria gets a paper towel and starts cleaning up the eggnog. She bends over giving Mido a perfect view of her rear. Mido stares with delight. Ganon wipes the pie off his face and notices Mido*
Ganondorf: Well well, it look’s like your starting to turn lecherous, huh?*Chuckles*.
Mido: Shut up! *Throws his eggnog at Ganondorf*
Ganondorf: Lecherous and touchy.
*End flash back*
Ganondorf:*Sighs* Never mind. How long have Link and Zelda been sleeping in the back room. The show is gonna start in 20 minutes.
Mido: I know. They’ve been making love all night and they barely got any sleep. Those guys are way too sexy for their own good.
*Link and Zelda suddenly exit the back room. They are still naked*
Link: All right guys let’s get this.
Ganondorf: GAH! Link put some freakin clothes on! Zelda you…um…go ahead and sit down.
Link: Huh? *Looks down* Oh, damn! I thought it was a bit chilly.
Zelda: Sorry. We forgot about last night. We’ll be right back.
*Link and Zelda go back inside. Mido and Ganondorf look at each other with surprised looks*
Mido: That was the most disturbing thing I have ever witnessed.
Ganondorf: Yeah, but at least she’s got a decent sized rack.
Mido: Yeah, I guess so.
*Link and Zelda come back out dressed*
Link: Ok, let’s get this show started.
*The crewmembers go to their desks and the audience cheers with delight*
Link: Thank you! Thank you very much!
*The audience continues to cheer*
Link: Um…I said thank you.
*The audience doesn’t stop cheering*
Mido: Hey! You can stop now.
*The audience still doesn’t stop cheering*
Ganondorf:*On a megaphone* SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
*The audience finally stops*
Link: Thank you, Ganon. Hello and welcome back once again to a spectacular episode of the Link show. Please say hello to my musician, Zelda, my comedian, Mido and my director, Ganondorf.
*The audience cheers again*
Link: Tonight we have a royal guest.
Ganondorf: Oh god not the king of Hyrule again!!! Didn’t I tell you that….*Link interrupts Ganon*.
Link: No, this time our guest is King Zora.
Ganondorf: Oh, that’s all right. I don’t mind him very much.
*The Zora King appears behind the curtain but he is so fat that he can’t fit through the door*
King Zora: I say, this door is too diminutive for me.
Ganondorf: Hold on one second *Ganondorf takes a chainsaw and cuts an opening for the Zora King. He fits through*
Link: Thanks for the assistance Ganon. But damaging that wall will cost you a few thousand dollars though.
Ganondorf: DOH!!!
Link: Please sit down your highness.
King Zora: Certainly.
*The Zora King sits in the tiny chair but easily crushes it*
King Zora: Oh dear. I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.
Ganondorf: Oh for gods sake. Let me help.
*Ganondorf tries to help King Zora up but he is way to heavy. A small cracking sound is heard which indicates Ganondorfs back*
Ganondorf: Aww fuck! My aching back! No my posture is gonna be all screwy and shit! *Ganon walks clumsily back to his desk*
King Zora: Oh, Ruto!
*A fork lift driven by Ruto comes into the studio and helps the Zora King back up*
King Zora: Thanks sweetie.
Ruto: No problem daddy. *Ruto winks sexually at Link and drives away*
Link: Um…would you rather sit on the floor.
King Zora: Well, that’s not very royal but ok *Sits down*.
Link: Please tell me you highness, what is it like being a man…I mean Zora of royalty?
King Zora: Food.
Link: Ok, what do you enjoy the most?
King Zora: Food.
Link: Err…what is your biggest concern in the entire world?
King Zora: Porno and food.
Mido: Dude seriously! Is there anything else you love more than food? Anything at all?
King Zora: Hell no! Food is the most basic and important thing in life. I need to eat 6 to 7 meals a day or else I’ll starve.
Ganondorf: Explode is more like it.
Zelda: Maybe eating so much isn’t good for your health.
King Zora: Oh don’t be silly, Zelda. I’ve only had 3 heart attacks this month from food and that’s nothing compared to what you humans suffer from these days.
Link: Ummm….yeah, whatever. How much do you weigh and please don’t take this as an offence or anything I’m just curious.
King Zora: 1025 pounds. Give or take an ounce or two. Believe it or not I weighed only 250 pounds when I was still a prince. Now look at me, but I don’t care if I’m fat or not. I’m still a Zora of honor and royalty.
Link: I see.
King Zora: So anyway I…*Sniffs the air* Hold on what’s that delicious smell.
*King Zora looks behind him to see Ganon eating a box of donuts*
Ganondorf: What?! *Realizes that King Zora is looking at the donut* Oh no! These are mine.
*The Zora king starts to waddle towards Ganondorf*
King Zora: Can I pleeeaaase have one? PLEASE!?!
Ganondorf: Hang on let me think for a second…..NO!
*The Zora King flips his eyes from side to side in a suspicious way and suddenly lunges at Ganondorf and aggressively wrestles the box out of Ganondorfs hands. He runs back to his sitting spot with the donuts*
King Zora: YES!!!
Ganondorf:*Getting up* You fat stupid fuck!!! I oughta kick your lardy ass right through a wall!!!
Link: You watch your language but still why did you have to take the donuts for? Does food really mean so much too you?
King Zora:*Gobbling down the donuts* It sure does but besides that I am deeply addicted to sugar and I go crazy for it at the very second I notice or smell it *Shuffles the donuts into his mouth and belches loudly*.
Zelda: EW! I can smell that breath from over here *Puts a gas mask on*.
Mido: What? I don’t smell anythi…*Suddenly faints as he takes his very first sniff of the Zora King’s rancid breath*
Link:*Wearing a clothespin on his nose* So anyway your highness, how is Ruto doing?
King Zora: Oh she’s just being the little perverted harlot she’s always been. I’m sorry to say it but she spends more time with sex than with her royal duties. She left a royal ball party to work at the strip club.
Ganondorf: Oh, yeah. I saw her there one time.
*Flash back of Ganon at the club. Ganon sees Ruto at the pole position and walks over to her*
Ganondorf: Hi.
Ruto: Hello.
Ganondorf:*A bra lands on his head he takes it off and throws it away* So how’s it going.
Ruto: Spectacular.
*Ganondorf chuckles and frowns for a second as he thinks of something to say*
Ganondorf: Can I touch your sexy body?
Ruto: No! Maybe later but now I’m busy.
*End flashback*
Zelda: I wouldn’t say she’s that big of a harlot. She seems pretty polite to me.
King Zora: True but once she’s not around she…*The ground begins to crack beneath the Zora King’s sitting spot. The floor is starting to give in to his weight* What the hell is thaaAAAHHHHH!!!*The floor gives in and King Zora falls through the floor and into the women’s rest room. Ruto and Darunia are kissing but they stop suddenly when they notice the Zora King*
Ruto: *Nervously* Oh um….hi daddy…
Darunia: Hello your highness I was just umm….cleaning a stain off Ruto’s face that’s all.
*The Zora King raises his brow with suspicion*
Darunia: Hey! I’m a janitor I’m suppose to clean stuff.
*Back to the studio
Link: Well I guess that wraps up tonight’s episode. Join us again next time for another episode of the Link Show. Please don’t miss it, next time will be special. Goodnight.
