Hello! I'm Malon and I'm sure you all know me. I'm sure you all heard all about the "Ask Malon" questions... Well, good news! They were delivered to me and I have the answers! .... It's not much, but perhaps I'll get a few more.
Let's get started.
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dekudiva asks,
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Dear Malon, Do you like... BEEF?!!
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Malon replies:
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For the most part, yes, but I had a bad experience with beef before. You see, he was cheating on me. That's right, MooMoo! I know about those letters to Termina!!
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RavenTay asks,
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Dear Malon, What do you think of cuckoos? Do you think they're cuddly little feathered friends, or demons from hell in disguise? (since they r invincibly evil and attack brutally)
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Malon replies:
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Ugh, you gamers... You're ignorance never ceases to amaze me!! Don't you know about the violent and brutal cuckoo/ballerina war? You see, the ballet used to be huge in Hyrule. Ballerinas were even considered to be a separate race, and had their own queen. Her name was Belinda, and she loved Cuckoos. So much so, that she slaughtered mass amounts of the little birds so she could make the ultimate tutu. The Cuckoos fought back, and all the Ballerinas in Hyrule were killed. So, now on to your question. Yes, they are adorable. The only reason they try to kill Link is that his tunic... confuses them. It looks so much like a tutu, and he looks so much like a Ballerina...
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Eddy D. Monkey asks,
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Dear Malon, where do babies come from? My brother STILL tells me it's the stork!
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Malon replies:
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What?! Babies DON'T come from the stork?! YOU LIE TO ME, YOSHI TOUCH AND GO!!!
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Ang (xrigidxdistancex) asks,
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Dear Malon, If a train goes in one direction at 400 gabajillion miles an hour, and a snail goes in the opposite direction at 0 miles per hour, at which point will the two partake in delicious waffles?
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Malon replies:
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Well, are you trying to stump me? Well you can't. Why? It's impossible to stump me. You want proof? Well, the train is impossible to stop at the waffle house, because it's going too fast. And the snail isn't moving (0 miles an hour), so it can't even get to the waffle house. So, the answer is NEVER. Neither of them can ever get to the waffle house. However, it they were to take waffles with them before they left, the answer is whenever they damn want to. TA-DA!!
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Burn asks,
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Dear Malon, Is it true that you set the record for the obstacle course at the ranch?
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Malon replies:
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No, actually, I didn't. That record was actually for the Lon Lon "Milk" minigame. However, the minigame was cut from OoT to avoid getting the AO rating. Ingo, could you bring me some more Hot Coffee please? Thanks.
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Aryll Windwaker asks,
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Dear Malon, Why, in OoT, are Leevers (big spinny things in the desert) targeted green instead of yellow like all the other monsters?
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Malon replies:
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Because Leevers aren't like the other monsters. They're meant for greater things! When Link looks at Leevers, he thinks, "These guys will be famous one day." And that's why their green.... God, what a weird world we live in.
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Navi24 asks,
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Dear Malon, Does Link like you better than Zelda, or vice versa?
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Malon replies:
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Me, of course. Zelda is a walking STD.
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Navi24 asks,
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Dear Malon, Why did Zora's Domain freeze over?
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Malon replies:
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After Gannon obtained the Triforce, he inteded to grind it down into a fine powder and pass it off as rediculously priced meth.
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dekudiva asks,
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Why are there no female gorons? I mean, Darunia's son Link doesn't have a mother because THERE ARE NO FEMALE GORONS! So, my point is, baby gorons can't be born because there are no girls!
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Malon replies:
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Well... um... I... You see... the daddy Goron... NEXT QUESTION!!
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LHOA asks,
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Dear Malon, If a typewriter has 51 and5/8 keys and 2+2= 5549 and there are exactly 33 goats standing on the tip of mt. everest, devided by cake(50000000000000) r squared then how long would it take for Ganon to eat a box of cookies and a big mac
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Malon replies:
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I think my brain is begining to bleed.
Alright, I've got to go now. Why? Because these are all the questions sent in. It's not to late though! Jujumonkeys@bellsouth.net. Send your questions if you have any. (Also, if you've already sent one, you CAN send another.)
