The Princess who fell from the sky.


This is a real true story about a real true Princess who fell from the real true sky.

Really?

Yes it is so shut your face and listen.

Jeez.

Once upon a time-

Yawn.

Hey, my story, rude.

I hate fairy tails. They’re so predictable.

This isn’t a fairy tail. It is a non-fictional story.

That’s possibly the biggest word you know.

Humph.

Continue.

Woo hoo! Okay, where was I? Oh yeah. Once upon a time, there was a very handsome hero. He was really good. In fact, he was brilliant. He was so good, there was a waiting list just to say his name.

Alright, cocky.

Anyway. One day the hero was riding his horse out in the big fieldy thingy-

Hyrule Field, doofus van goofus.

Hem Hem.

Fine. Fieldy thingy.

Thank you. So, One day the hero was riding his horse out in the big fieldy thingy, when he heard a scream-

I did not scream!

Did to.

Did not.

Sure you didn’t. Anyway, the hero was riding his horse out in the big fieldy thingy, when he heard a scream. He looked up and saw someone in the air falling fastly.

Fastly isn’t a word you illiterate twat.

So I made it up. All good story tellers do it.

………………………………

So, where was I? Oh yeah, He looked up and saw someone in the air falling fastly. The person was wearing a dress, so he guessed it was a girl.

Oh duh…

She was falling real fast, so he got off his horse and ran into the middle of the field. He did this really spectacular dive, and guess what?

You missed!

I did not!

You missed by like, a mile. I landed in the river!

Yeah well…… lets just say I did catch you, okay?

Oh for the love of Din……

So, he did this really spectacular dive and caught her, just as she was about to plunge into the icy depths of the river.

It was the middle or bloody summer. It was like bath water.

Shut up!

Then tell the real story, or I will!

Okay okay, mean. So, he nearly caught the girl, but she landed just out of his reach. Anyway, he helped her up and brushed all the grass off her back and she gazed adoringly into his eyes-

And said, “You missed, you fucking loser!”

She did not!!

Okay, no I didn’t. I slapped you and called you butter fingers, then I stood on your toe and walked off.

Yeah that hurt. I had a massive bruise for like, three weeks.

What an imagination you have.

Shut up!

……………………………….........................

Thank you. As I was saying, she gazed adoringly into his eyes and said, “You are so brave and wonderful and I owe you my life. You are the most wonderful person I’ve ever met and you deserve a medal.” The hero smiled and replied, “All in a days work, ma’am.” Then he mounted his horse and rode off into the sunset. There, see. Wasn’t that a nice story?

No, it was the most vile perversion of the truth I have ever heard. I most certainly didn’t offer you a medal. You had the cheek to ask for one after letting me fall in the river.

Why are you being so mean? Can’t you let me have just a little bit of glory for once?

No. You don’t deserve bloody glory, you deserve to be shot.

And you deserve a good spanking.

Right that’s it! You have three seconds to leave or I’ll throw you out of the window.

You wouldn’t.

One.

You can’t pick me up.

Two.

But it’s thirty stories!

Three. Times up. Out you go with the trash.

Noooooooo! Don’t please! I’m sorry.

Then fuck off and die or something.

Okay I’m going, I’m going.

………………………………

Finally. Heh heh. The look on his face….. Priceless.

The Little Girl’s PWP.

Ruto: I can’t believe he dumped me!

Malon: He didn’t dump you, you were never together.

Ruto: Shut it, cowgirl. He is so mean.

Malon: Oy. Watch what you say about my boyfriend.

Nabooru: Your boyfriend! Last time I checked he was dating Zelda.

Malon: Yeah, so shut your face, fish brain.

Ruto: That is really low.

Nabooru: So’s calling her cowgirl.

Ruto: You seriously mean to tell me that you two aren’t jealous of that tiara wearing bimbo?

Nabooru: That’s exactly what we mean.

Malon: Jeez, it isn’t that hard to figure out. They’re perfect for each other. Besides, I don’t go for blondes.

Nabooru: He’s a bit too weedy for me-

Ruto: Weedy!? He’s got pecs like hams.

Nabooru: Yeah, but I’m used to men with pecs the size of whole pigs.

Ruto: Cripes, what d’you Gerudos get up to?

Malon: I don’t really think we want to know.

Ruto: Yes we-

Malon: No we don’t!

Ruto: Fine… mean.

Nabooru: Look fish face, don’t get all uppity about it. This is probably why Link doesn’t like you. You’re way too predatory.

Ruto: Shush, I’m trying to concentrate.

Nabooru: What’s with the binocul- Oh that is sick!

Malon: What?

Nabooru: She’s spying on them!

Malon: Who?

Nabooru: Link and Zelda!

Ruto: But they’re going at it like bunnies!

Malon: Oooh! Lemme see!

Nabooru: No! That is sick and wrong! Stop it! Stop it!

Ruto: Ah! You cow! They were really expensive!

Malon: Like you actually bought them.

Ruto: Well, no, I gave the shop keeper a lap dance but-

Malon: Oh for the love of Din!

Ruto: What?!

Malon: You are so……… oooh there are just no words to describe you!

Ruto: Apart from beautiful, intelligent, funny-

Nabooru: Up your own arse, wow the list goes on.

Ruto: Ha ha, very funny.

Malon: Let’s see you crack a good joke then.

Ruto: Okay. Knock, knock!

………………………………

Ruto: Hem hem, knock, knock.

Malon: Oh, who’s there?

Ruto: Interrupting sheep.

Malon: Interrupting shee-
Nabooru: Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Ruto: Aw, hey! You ruined the punch line! I was gonna say that.

Malon: It’s not even a funny joke.

Nabooru: None of Ruto’s jokes are funny.

Ruto: They so are. Here’s a good one. A man walks into a bar, ouch! Isn’t that great!

Malon: No.

Ruto: Aw c’mon. It’s dead good.

Nabooru: No, it’s dead sad.

Ruto: Okay lets hear one of your jokes, Miss I’m-the-funniest-person-in-the-world-so-la-di-da!

Nabooru: No, because they’re all too sick to put in print.

Ruto: Aw, go on. I wanna hear one of your jokes.

Nabooru: No, I can’t tell you. But, hey! I know the biggest joke in the world.

Ruto: Ooooh! What is it?

Malon: Yeah lets hear it.

Nabooru: Ruto.

Malon: Shame!!

Ruto: Aw no! That isn’t funny at all! You’re just a bitter sour old crone.

Nabooru: If you don’t get out of my sight right now I’m going to chop you up into little pieces and sell you as cat food.

Ruto: Eeek! No please don’t do that!

Nabooru: Then get lost and I wont have to.

Malon: Yeah, get lost Ruto, you’re boring.

Ruto: Oh shut up Malon!

Nabooru: Hey, don’t talk to me like that you oversized prawn!

Malon: Yeah you insult one of us, you insult both of us.

Ruto: Oh come on, you aren’t serious.

………………………………

Ruto: Oh… you are.

Nabooru: Uh huh.

Malon: Believe it fish brain.

Ruto: Shit what is this? The red head convention?

Malon: You have three seconds to leave.

Nabooru: One.

Ruto: Oooh! I’m so scared.

Malon: Two, three times up!

Ruto: Hey that wasn’t three seconds it was only two and a-

Nabooru: THREE!!

Ruto: Ahh! Okay I’m going.

…………………………

Malon: Phew, thought she’d never leave.

Nabooru: Uh huh.