Chapter 2
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What would happen if Zelda had a strange jewelry obsession?
Wonder no more! You’ll see that one simple little incident has further messed up the whole storyline!
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Where we left Link, he had just exited the village, and was surrounded by scattered trees. He would have stumbled across the glorious Hyrule field, however, a gigantic owl, who was perched upon one of the tree branches, stopped him.

“Hoo Hoot! Link! Look up here!” the gigantic owl cried, “It appears that the time has finally come for you to start your adventure. You will encounter many hardships ahead. That is your fate. Do not feel discouraged, even during the toughest of times. Go straight this way and you will see Hyrule Castle. You will meet a princess there, but that is self-explanatory since castles should usually have some sort of royalty locked away inside them, especially in most Zelda games. If you are lost and do not know which way to go then look at the map. (Insert brief explanation on map viewing) Did you get all that? All right then! I’ll see you around! Hoot Hoot Hoot Ho!”

“Uhh… That was random…” Link muttered to Navi.

“Very,” Navi replied.

“Hey, Navi?” Link asked.

“Yeah, Link?”

“Why are we going to Hyrule Castle Town?” Link asked.

Link peered at Navi as he awaited his response.

“’Cause there is a big shopping mall at Hyrule Castle Town and I inherited the Great Deku Tree’s Money in his will,” Navi explained, “So basically, I’m going to go on a HUGE shopping spree and you have to carry what I buy because I don’t have long enough arms.”

“Wait,” Link lifted his finger towards the glowing creature, “you have arms?”

Navi sighed as she did a face palm, “Case in point.”

Link made a mad dash to the castle in order to get there before nightfall. This was so the nasty, skeleton-like monsters hidden beneath the ground wouldn’t have a chance to attack him.
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But, because of Link’s timing, he made it to town when it was nighttime. He almost didn’t make it inside, because some idiot decided to place a large moat around the city walls and decided to have the single entrance to the town, only accessible by a large drawbridge, which raised itself up when nightfall came. Link arrived to the bridge just in time to see it rise up without him. He bolted to it, grabbed the edge of the rising bridge, pulled himself over, and slid down into the town. When he looked around, he saw the town was completely abandoned, except for a pack of dogs, and a small redheaded girl, who sang loudly.

“Hey!” the girl called, “Your clothes, they’re different. You’re not from around here are you?”

“Aw, man!” Link groaned, “What gave me away?”

“Nope. He’s from the forest,” Navi replied.

“…………………………………Oh!” the girl exclaimed, “You’re a fairy boy from the forest.”

“No, really?” Navi grumbled.

“My name is Malon,” the girl said, “My dad owns Lon Lon Ranch. Dad went to the castle to deliver some milk and he hasn’t come back yet.”

Link ignored Malon’s last statement and then walked towards a large castle-like figure in the background.
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Link found himself in an area called the Castle Grounds. Link was about to walk about to fully see the beauty of the grounds, but that massive owl was perched in another tree, and forever ruined Link’s appreciation of the grounds.

“Hey Link, this way! The princess is in the castle just ahead. Be careful not to get caught by the guards! Ho Ho Ho Hoot!” the Owl said.

“You again?!” Navi hissed.

“Hey! Why are you here?” Link pointed his finger at the owl.

“Because… um…” the Owl stalled.

Link flung his arm around and pointed at the owl, “I BET HE’S A STALKER!”

“I-I-” the Owl gulped, “I-I am not a stalker!”

Before Link or Navi could accuse the owl of any more illegal actions, he suspiciously flew away.
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Link waited pointlessly for daytime before getting bored and entered the Castle Town again. Unfortunately, Link was never good in crowded areas, and the town had filled up with people since he was last there. When Link came screaming back onto the grounds, he abruptly met up with that Malon girl—who was singing yet again.

“Are you going to the castle, fairy boy?” she asked.

“Yes…” Link gulped, catching his breath, “Why do you care?”

“Would you mind finding my dad?” Malon asked.

“Yes. We would mind,” Navi snapped, “I have a shopping spree to go on, and as soon as I can get Link to approach the town again—”

“He must have fallen asleep somewhere around the castle. What a thing for an adult to do. Tee hee!” Malon giggled.

“Yup,” Navi groaned, flinging her arms behind her head. “She’s crazy…”

“Oh yeah, if you look for him, I’ll give this to you. I’ve been incubating this egg very carefully. Tee hee!” Malon exclaimed.

“…Please stop using such big words…” Link muttered, clasping his head. “…It makes my head hurt…”

DUN UN UN UNN! Link received a really Weird Egg! …That’s…really…weird…

“Set the egg to C to incubate it. Tee hee. My dad is really troublesome for an adult, isn’t he? Hee hee?” Malon giggled.

“Wait,” Navi flew up to Malon’s face. “What’s ‘C’?”

“It’s…um…uhhhhh…” Malon pondered. “I…uhh…errmmm… I just…”

Navi moaned, “Never mind.”
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Link noticed some vines behind Malon. He climbed up, and used a variety of odd techniques to sneak past the guards. The guards, however, were nothing to worry about since they all seemed to be a blind as bats and as deaf as rocks. But on his trek into the castle, Link stumbled across an odd man, who slept among some crates.

“The girl from the ranch a ranch asked us to find her father,” Navi pondered, “I wonder where he is?”

“Navi! You are so blind! Can’t you see that he is right here in front of us?” Link exclaimed, flinging his arms towards the sleeping man.

“Link, we have no idea who that man is, or whether or not he is Malon’s father,” Navi huffed.

Link began to poke the man in the side; “And he’s not a hologram either, cause I can touch him!”

“ZZZZZ…Mumble…Mumble… Welcome…our ranch is so fun…come on and look around….” Talon mumbled.

“Link? What’s a hologram?” Navi paused.

Link scratched his head, “To be honest, I have no clue.”

Link did not want to be caught by the blind and deaf guards, so he decided to waste his time by sitting on the ground and waiting for the egg to hatch. Deep within his boredom, he was pondering what that ‘incubate’ word meant, when his weird egg suddenly cracked open. The bird that emerged started crowing.

The sleeping man jumped up with a start, and rose to his feet, “What in tarnation?!  Can’t a person get a little shut-eye around here?”

“Uhhh, hello?” Link paused.

The man looked down at Link, “Hello, and who might you be?”

“Link. Are you Talon?” Link asked.

“Yep, I’m Talon, the owner of Lon Lon Ranch,” the man stated, “I went to the Castle to deliver some milk but I sat down here to rest and I guess I fell asleep.”

Link turned his head sharply at Navi, “HA.”

“Hey, there was this Malon girl that was looking for you,” Navi said.

“What!? Malon was looking for me? I’m going to catch it from her now! I messed up bad leaving Malon behind to wait for me. She’s really going to let me have it,” Talon yelled.

He ran away, waving his arms.

Navi blinked, “…How…”

“…Odd,” Link said.
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Link continued into the castle. He snuck past the guards in the Castle Gardens and on the grounds. Considering how easy this was, Link found soon found himself in a courtyard, with many small flowers.  Castle walls rose up on all sides, and windows looked down on him. He could see through the windows halls and portraits on the walls. At the far end of the courtyard, Link spotted girl suspiciously crouched behind a large window, clutching the window ledge with both hands. She wore a strange headdress, and a flowing dress. Confident that she must be blind and deaf as well, Link approached her, intent of scaring her.

As Link got closer, he heard an evil muttering of: “…Must have that jewel!” It reminded him of something out of ‘Lord of the Rings’.

“BOO!” Link shouted.

She didn’t flinch, “Shut up, I’m busy.”

Link stared at her, “Um…Hello?”

The girl seemed to realize he was there.

“Who! Who are you? How did you get past the guards?” the girl jumped, “Oh, what’s that?  Is that? A fairy?”

Navi rolled her eyes, “Well, what do you think, nitwit?”

“Then are you…?” the girl gaped, turning to Link, “Are you from the forest?”

“Yeessssssss?” Link gulped, “And you care, why?”

“No, duh!” Navi huffed, “Because fairies are more commonly found in the ocean. Didn’t you know?”

“Then…then you wouldn’t happen to have the Spiritual Stone of the Forest, would you? A green shiny stone? Do you have it?” the girl leaned in close to Link. There was a glint in her eye that made Link afraid—like she dared him to tell her that he didn’t have the stone.

“Um…no…” Link replied in a small voice.

The girl snapped her fingers, “Nuts! I had a dream…”

“Wait… Why do we care about this dream of yours?” Navi interrupted.

“Navi! Shut up! For all we know, she could be the princess!” Link glared at Navi while nudging her with his elbow.

“As if,” Navi muttered.

“…In the dream, dark storm clouds were billowing over the land of Hyrule. But suddenly, a ray of light shot out of the forest, parted the clouds and lit up the ground. The light turned into a figure holding a green and shining stone, followed by a fairy. I know this is a prophecy that someone would come from the forest,” the girl said.

Link gave the girl a blank stare, “…Okay, I’m sorry. You lost me at ‘dark’…”

“This must mean that you…” the girl paused dramatically, “…are my new jewelry collector!”

“What’s that?” Link asked.

“All you got to do is collect jewels for me!” she began to clap her hands when she said the word ‘jewel’.

“That sounds easy enough,” Link said slowly.

“Wait a minute, wait a minute!” Navi flew between the two, “Who are you? Why are you employing Link? Don’t you even take into consideration that he might refuse?!”

“Yeah!” Link exclaimed, “What if I refuse?”

“Then I will send a horde of stampeding Skutullas to take your hat!” the girl grinned.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Not my hat!!!!! Anything but my hat!!!!” Link clutched his head protectively, “Fine! Fine! I’ll do anything you want! Just don’t take my hat!”

Nobody knew except Navi (because she lived in his hat), but Link actually hid a large bald patch on the top of his head. He swore he would jump off a cliff if anyone ever found this out.

“Yes, I thought you might be up to the job” the girl said cheerfully, the grin vanishing, “Oh, I’m sorry. I got carried away with my jewelry obsession and didn’t even properly introduce myself.”

“Well it’s about time!” Navi muttered.

The girl bowed slightly, “I am Zelda, Princess of Hyrule.”

“SEE!” Link exclaimed.

“She’s certainly demanding for a royal,” Navi grumbled.

“Shut up, Navi!” Link swatted Navi.

“What is your name?” the girl, Princess Zelda, asked.

“Link.”

“And my name is Tom Bombadil,” Navi said.

“Really?” Link asked.

“No, you twit,” the fairy snapped, “I’m Navi.”

“…..Link? Strange, it sounds…somehow…familiar….” Zelda muttered to herself.

“Hey! Stop ignoring me!” Navi snapped, bobbing up and down, “I do exist!”

“Okay then, Link, I am going to tell you the secret of the Sacred Realm that has been passed down by the Royal Family of Hyrule,” Zelda said.

“Umm… Why?” Link asked.

The evil glint in Zelda’s eye returned, “Because this secret will help you get jewels for me!”

“Ohh… Okay.”

“And please keep this a secret from everyone,” Zelda said.

Link looked disinterestedly at his surroundings, “Fine.”

“Link!” Navi hissed, “Why are you so submissive?!”

“The legend goes like this…” Zelda began.
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Flashback

“The three Goddesses hid the Triforce containing the power of the gods somewhere in Hyrule…the power to grant the wish of the one who holds the Triforce in his hands. If someone with a righteous heart makes a wish, it will lead Hyrule to a golden age of prosperity.  If someone with an evil mind has his wish granted, the world will be consumed by evil. That is what has been told. So the ancient Sages built the Temple of Time to protect the Triforce from evil ones.”

End of Flashback
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“What’s the Triforce?” Link asked.

“It’s the ultimate jewelry! I must have it!” Zelda proclaimed, “It’s so shiny! It’s located in the Temple of Time.”

“Wait… Isn’t that ‘temple’ place near the mall or something?” Navi asked.

“That’s right, the Temple of Time is the entrance through which you can enter the Sacred Realm,” Zelda confirmed, “My Triforce is in there!”

“Alright! Let’s go to the temple of Time to get ourselves a Triforce!” Link exclaimed, swinging himself around.

“BUT IT’S MINE!” Zelda hissed.

There was a long silence.

“Erm… I mean the entrance is sealed by a stone wall called the ‘Door of Time’. And in order to open the door, it is said that you need to collect three Spiritual Stones (to add to my jewelry collection). And another thing you need is the treasure that the Royal Family keeps along with this legend. The Ocarina of Time,” Zelda said.

“Who owns this treasure?” Link asked.

“I do!” Zelda grinned.

“Why would your parents let you own something that valuable?” Navi asked.

“Because it’s treasure! (Even though it isn’t as shiny as my Triforce…)”

“I guess that makes sense…” Link muttered.

“Anyways… Did you understand well the story I just told you?” Zelda asked.

“Yeah, pretty much,” Link shrugged.

 “That’s great. I forgot to tell you. I was spying through this window just now. The other element from my dream, the dark clouds, I believe they symbolize that man in there!” Zelda exclaimed.

“Wait… Spying?” Navi paused, “…Okay, girl, you have some serious problems…”

Zelda glared at Navi. Then turned to Link.

“Will you look through the window at him?” Zelda gestured towards the window.

“Sure!” Link replied.

Link looked in and saw foreign-looking man bowing before someone out of sight. He looked relatively young and had darker colour skin; a large jewel perched decoratively on his forehead. He had red hair and a receding hairline.

“Link, move your head!” Navi hissed from behind Link, “It’s in the way!”

Zelda peeked over Link’s shoulder, “Can you see the man with the evil eyes?”

“Wait! Evil eyes?!” Navi exclaimed, flying back and forth in an attempt to get a good view, “Where? Where?”

“Yeah. I do,” Link confirmed.

“I don’t!” Navi snarled.

“That is Ganondorf, the leader of the Gerudos. They hail from the desert far to the west. They are a gang of thieves!” Zelda exclaimed.

“Are you saying he has ‘evil eyes’ just because he’s from a gang of thieves, or because he actually has evil eyes?!” Navi floated.

“Here is your first task, Link!” Zelda declared, “I want you to break the window and get the jewel off his head. It’ll prove my victory if I have his jewel in my collection!”

Link raised his eyebrow at the princess, “Uhhh… Okay…? If you say so…”

Link took out and aimed his nifty slingshot. This in itself created a large plot hole—since he technically shouldn’t have it since he never found it in the Deku Tree’s insides—and probably ripped a big hole in the fabric of space somewhere out in an alternate universe. Link released a Deku seed from the slingshot. It shot straight through the window, shattering the glass. Without losing much propulsion it hit the jewel with a resounding ‘clink’. The jewel was knocked off Ganondorf’s forehead and went skittering across the floor.

Ganondorf was utterly taken aback and stared mutely at the jewel bouncing away. The Princess suddenly leapt through the window, knocking away the remaining shards in the windowpane. She landed on her feet, crouched in a ninja pose. Zelda leapt after the jewel and snatched it from the ground before Ganondorf could react. DUN UN UN UNN!  Zelda got one of Ganondorf’s Jewels! Cackling maniacally, she back flipped towards the window and used a burst of magic to fly out of the window.

At the head of the hallway, where Ganondorf had been bowing to, sat the King. As he witnessed the scene unfold, his jaw dropped. His face had “Oh my Din” written all over it. Meanwhile, Zelda crouched on the grass outside the window, stroking the jewel possessively. Link stared at her in mute shock.

“MWAHAHAHA! My precious! PRECIOUSSSS! Hisssss!” Zelda cackled, “I finally have it! It’s mine! It came to me!”

“…I have a feeling that jewel was the entire reason she was spying on him in the first place…” Navi whispered in Link’s ear.

A loud roar bellowed out from the window, and Link ducked down beside Zelda to avoid being seen. Zelda was brought from her reverie by the cry and she whipped her head around looking surprised. She saw Link crouched next to her. She stuffed the jewel inside her hat and stood up. Hesitantly, Link straightened up as well.

“What happened? Did he see us? I hope not. Anyway… I can sense that man’s evil intentions! What Ganondorf is after is nothing less than the Triforce of the Sacred Realm! He must have come to Hyrule to obtain it, but it’s mine! And with it, he wants to conquer my jewel collection! No, the entire world! Link, now we’re the only ones who can protect my jewels! Please!” Zelda leaned in close to Link.

Link looked uneasily at the shattered fragments of what used to be the window, “Okay… But I don’t think we should be here much longer…”

“Thank you! I am afraid…I have a feeling that man is going to destroy Hyrule with my Triforce! He has such terrifying power! But it’s fortunate that you have come, my employee. We must not let Ganondorf get the Triforce because it’s MINE!!!! I will protect the Ocarina of Time with all my power (even though it’s still not as shiny as my Triforce),” Zelda pointed her index finger at Link, “He shall not have it, ever, because it’s mine!!! You go find the three Spiritual Stones!”

“Um…why?” Link asked.

“I have my reasons,” Zelda smirked at Link, “Let’s get the Triforce before Ganondorf does so I can wear it with the Spiritual Stones to the Hyrule Annual Ball! One more thing, take this letter. I’m sure it’ll be useful to you.”

Zelda pulled out parchment from her bag, and… DUN UN UN UNN! Link received Zelda’s Letter! I wonder how much it’s worth on eBay… Link turned and saw a tall, shady and scary woman standing by the entrance to the gardens.

“My attendant will guide/push/kill-you-and-drag-your-corpse out of the castle. Don’t be afraid to talk to her,” Zelda told Link cheerfully.

“I’ll try not to be…” Link replied.

“Wait, when’d she get there?” Navi asked.

Slowly, Link and Navi approached the tall woman.

“I am Impa of the Shiekahs.  I am responsible for protecting Princess Zelda’s jewels,” the attendant explained as she walked up to meet the group, “Everything is exactly as the princess foretold. You are a courageous boy to help Zelda with her plan today.”

“Heh heh heh… Yeah…” Link chuckled, glancing at the broken window just in time to see a chunk of glass fall out of the frame and into the throne room.

“You are heading out on a big new adventure aren’t you? My role in the princess’ dream was to teach the melody to the one from the forest that will get her jewels,” Impa explained.

“But you weren’t even mentioned!” Navi protested, and was promptly grabbed by Link’s hand and shoved into his hat.

“………This is an ancient melody passed down by the Royal Family. I have played this song for Princess Zelda as a lullaby ever since she was a baby. There is a mysterious power in these notes. Now listen carefully. Memorize this song,” Impa instructed.

Impa whistled Zelda’s Lullaby very badly and Link played the song back on his Ocarina. DUH NUH NUH NUH NU NUH NUH NUH NUUUUUHH!! Link learned Zelda’s Lullaby! This created another big plothole, due to the fact that Link never acquired this Ocarina from his friend Saria. Another rip in the fabric of space was formed in an Alternate Universe.

“If the castle soldiers find you, there will be trouble. Let me lead you out of the castle,” Impa offered.

“NNNOOO! I’M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!!!!” Link yelled curling up on the ground.

Impa turned to Zelda, who was sniggering, “Princess… What have you been telling him?”

“Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh…” Zelda snickered, “My… PRECIOUS!”

Impa dragged Link—who insisted on whimpering loudly—out of the Castle.
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“You’re a brave lad. We must protect Zelda’s beautiful collection of jewels. Take a look at that mountain. That is Death Mountain, home of the Gorons; they are really good at making Rubies. They hold the Spiritual Stone of Fire, which is a mighty, fine Ruby. At the foot of Death Mountain, you will find my village, Kakariko,” Impa said, “That is where I was born and raised. You should talk/steal-jewels from some of the villagers there before you go up to Death Mountain. The song I just taught you has some mysterious power. Only the Royal family members are allowed to learn this song. Remember, it will help prove your connection with the Royal Family. The princess is waiting for you to return to the castle with the treasures. Alright, we’re counting on you.”

Impa took a few steps back and threw a Deku Nut, and inexplicably vanished…

“Now that was scary…” Link shuddered.

“Yeah… Did you see her outfit?!” Navi huffed.

“Hello, Link,” exclaimed the Random Owl that randomly appeared.

“AAAAHHHHHH! IT’S HIM! LET’S ESCAPE INTO KARAOKE, or whatever that place is called, VILLAGE!” Link yelled to Navi.

“Ouch, I am right beside you. You don’t have to yell…” Navi complained, “And that’s too far away, let’s go back to your house first!”

“Whatever! Anywhere but HERE is good,” Link exclaimed.

It was obvious that Link was the one who carried all the maps, since the Kokiri Forest was much farther away than Kakariko. And it was also obvious the Link never looked at said maps—let alone, knew how to READ them—due to the fact that he did not correct her statement. Either way, our heroes really sucked at their directions. But, Link somehow knew the way back home, so he headed to Kokiri Village.