The Diary of Kafei

05-05-05
The naked lady in my room showed up again today. I went ahead and sent her a letter that I hope will solve the problem.

Dear Madam,

It has come to my attention, though it took a while, that for the past several weeks, you have been naked in my bedroom. I do not know who you are, or why you are naked in my bedroom, but may I just say that I am a married man-child, and while your "dirty apples" are very nice, I must say that I am very uncomfortable seeing them every day.

Kafei, Future Mayor

5-7-05
Upon not recieving a response from the naked lady I suddenly realized something. So I sent another letter.

Dear Madam,

I have just realized that the reason you are naked in my bedroom is becuase you are my wife and we share the same bedroom. Please disregard my previous letter.

Kafei, Future Mayor

P.S. I am very pleased to realize that my wife has such nice dirty apples.

5-10-05
I am afraid that my marraige is going down the toilet. Anju's cooking is completely unbearable. I tried to install a smoke detector so it would at least be safe, but she apparently is under the impression that it is a timer. Getting intamate with Anju has lost intamacy as well. It's really hard seeing as I havn't hit puberty yet. Plus, while most in Clock-Town are aware of our situation, as soon as we leave town we hear shouts of "Child Molester". It's not good.

5-15-05
I have found my own obituary in the paper! I apparently died last week of pnemonia. I apparently had a very nice funeral.

5-16-05
After contemplating my obituary, I soon realized that it might be a problem. So, I sent a letter.

Dear Sirs,
It has come to my attention that my obituary is posted in your paper. I am still alive and well and request it be fixed.

Kafei, Future Mayor.

5-20-05
The newspaper sent a response.

Dear Kafei.
No, if you inspect slighty further you will realize that you are no longer living, just a part of the Matrix. We suggust you take the blue pill and forget that any of this ever happened.

05-24-05

Dear sirs,
It has come to my attention, that yes, I am dead. However, I did not die of pnemonia and would like the problem fixed. I died of writers cramp from writing to many letters.

Kafei, Future Mayor.

5-25-05
My problem has been fixed, and I am now officialy dead from writers cramp. I even got a flashy certificate certifing it.

5-27-05
It is strange that I am writing this entry seeing as this date hasn't occured yet. Whatever the case, I sent a letter to my smoke detector.

Dear Sir,
I humbly request you do not go off when my wife is cooking. It is normal for it to start smokeing.

Kafei, Future Mayor.