Chapter 8
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What would happen if the last stage of the boss, Phantom Ganon, was a Tennis match?
Wonder no more! …Yeah, it pretty much is a tennis match in the game. So, I'm not really changing much in this chapter. Oh, crap, I shouldn't have told you that. Um… You'll see how stuff messes up the plot!
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Link left Kakariko Village and went to the Kokiri Village.

"Link… Something looks odd about this place… It's different…" Navi told Link.

"Are you sure, Navi?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Link, it's been seven years," Navi said, "Something has to have changed. You saw how much Malon changed over the years."

"She changed?" Link blinked.

Navi sighed, "All I'm saying is that the village doesn't feel like the old, happy-go-lucky place that it was seven years prior."

"What makes you say that?" Link asked.

Navi pointed to the Kokiri huts. Several of them boarded their doors and windows, cloaking the insides of the huts in darkness. Some beady little eyes peered out of the shadows.

"Nonsense! Look! They planted a new flower here!" Link exclaimed.

Link pointed in front of them. There was a large, vicious man-eating plant. It was drooling, and it smacked its lips.

"Doesn't it just brighten up the place?" Link smiled.

"Link, I don't think you should get any closer to—" Navi began.

The Plant lunged forward. Fortunately, it missed Link's head, however it took his hat instead.

"Nom!" it let out.

"Oh, you did not just do that," Link snarled.

Link tugged at the hat in the Plant's jaws. The Plant, who had not eaten in a few days, refused to let go because it didn't feel like sharing. Link tugged harder. The Plant tugged back. Link tugged once more, and the Plant followed. Before either of them knew it, they engaged in a game of tug-of-war.

"Give that back!" Link bellowed.

"Never!" came the muffled reply of the Plant.

"Holy Deku Scrub… It's a talking plant," Navi's jaw dropped.

"And it has my hat!" Link yelled.

The Plant snarled menacingly.

"I'd never thought I'd see the day where something flora based would talk back to something," Navi paused.

The Plant spat the hat out upon hearing this statement.

"Deku Scrubs are plants, and you seem to have no quarrel with talking with them!" the Plant retorted.

"You're still a talking plant," Navi said.

"Oh, we're being racist now, are we?" the Plant growled.

"Yay!" Link cheered. "I got my hat back!"

Link held his hat up to the camera. DUN UN UN UNN! Link got his Hat back! This green little thing has grown into Link's trademark over the years! It also covers up his bald spot. How does it stay on, anyway?

"That's very nice, Link," Navi sighed.

"Wow, he sounds like an idiot…" the plant muttered.

"Tell me about it," Navi rolled her eyes. "And I've been assigned to be his guardian fairy for the past seven years."

"Ouch…" the plant flinched.

"Hey!" Link spun around. "You were unconscious for seven of those years!"

"So were you," Navi said.

"That doesn't prove anything!" Link huffed.

"Link, stop trying to be smart," Navi said. "You're not good at it."

Link, at a loss for words, turned to the Plant, to see that it was nodding in agreement. Link sighed, rolled his eyes, and put his hat back on. He then headed to his house to see how it had changed over the years. The first thing that struck him was another man-eating plant planted by the base of his ladder.

"Another one?" Navi raised an eyebrow. "Sheesh. The Kokiri must be having the worst weed invasion to date."

Link glared at this new plant, "I wonder if this one has anything to say…"

"Hello! Welcome home, Hero of Time! The same Hero of Time who is destined to wipe out most of my kind, and I generally shouldn't be so cheery about this, but hey, I'm just a man-eating plant, and Ganondorf didn't feel like giving us brains," the plant grinned. "How may I be of service today?"

Link smiled, "I like this one a lot better."

The Plant smiled back.

"Who do you think is responsible for all these weeds?" Navi asked.

"I dunno, but I bet Mido is behind the one planted here," Link said, "He always got a kick out of planting these by my house…"

"Umm… Link? Mido's dead…" Navi told Link.

"Riiighttt…" Link scratched his head. "Maybe that's why Maria replaced him as Head Kokiri seven years ago…"

"Well noted, genius," Navi groaned. "So do you really think he would be able to plant a man-eater like this by your house if he was dead?"

Link gasped, "Then Maria did it!"

Navi did a facepalm.

"Why do I even bother?" Navi sighed.

"By the way…" the plant piped up, "Navi… how'd you find out about this Mido's death?"

"First of all, how'd you find out my name?" Navi demanded. "And the fact that I wasn't around to witness his death?"

The Plant blushed in response.

"Is it just me, or is this a weird universe to live in?" Link asked. "It's like everything's totally messed for no reason."

"By the way…" the Plant piped up again, "If you're looking for Maria, she's in the Lost Woods. Well, according to my sponsors."

"But we're not looking for Maria," Link said.

"Saria's in the Lost Woods too," the Plant added.

"We're not looking for Saria either," Link said. "We're here because…um…why are we here again?"

"Because Sheik told us to go here," Navi responded.

"Right," Link nodded. "We're here because some guy we met a few hours ago, told us to."

There was a long pause.

"Idiot!" yelled the previous man-eating plant.

"Shut up!" Link yelled back.

"Hero of Time, could you just go to the Lost Woods?" the nicer plant sighed.

"I suppose," Navi sighed. "But after this trip into the woods, I plan on not listening to that Sheik person until he tells us more about himself."

"Good idea, Navi!" Link exclaimed. "I'll do the same!"

Link headed into the Lost Woods and followed the grown over tire tracks to the Sacred Forest Meadow. Along the way, Link found that a mysterious force kept him from advancing. It blocked Link's path despite the fact that Link, nor Navi, could see it.
 
"Turnnnn aroouunnnddd…" a voice whispered to him. "Don't come baaaacckkk…"

"Okay!" Link exclaimed.

Link spun around on the spot, and began to walk. The voice giggled a little bit.

"Hold on a second here!" Navi said.

"Oh…dang it," the voice huffed. "That usually works."

Navi grabbed onto Link's tunic. Which promptly halted his movement.

"Who tells us to turn around!?" Navi yelled at the voice.

"What are you?" the voice asked.

"I'm a Kokiri…" Link told the voice.

"And I'm a fairy!" Navi huffed. "Who's asking?"

"HA! Though you wear Kokirish clothing, you can't fool me!" the voice exclaimed. "I promised Saria I'd never let anyone through here."

"Wait… That voice…" Navi gulped, "It…it can't be!"

The ghost of Mido crawled its way out of the ground in front of them.

"Holy Cucco's Eggs!" Link screamed, "It's a ghost!"

Link hid behind Navi.

"No duh," Navi huffed. "What ever gave you that idea? Was it the eerie voice? Or was it the fact that he's see-through right now, and he just crawled out of the ground?"

Link looked repulsed, "I wonder if this is where they buried him."

"Actually…" Mido's ghost paused.

"Ewww…" Link made a face, "Well. He's not gonna let us through. Let's go back."

"Link, he's a ghost," Navi said, "Walk through him."

"I don't want to walk through Mido's ghouly guts!" Link squirmed.

Navi turned to the Kokiri ghost, and saw him blow a raspberry.

"Well, maybe we can go around him?" Navi asked.

"Ha! Fat chance," Mido's ghost smiled.

"Or we could just turn around and forget this ever happened," Link suggested.

"No! We are not going to get this far only to have a dead guy stop us!" Navi snapped. "Use the Hookshot if you have to!"

"But it doesn't do anything," Link pointed out. "Here, watch!"

Link pointed the Hookshot at a nearby tree and fired it. The hook recoiled off the tree with a loud 'CLANG', and fell to the ground.

"Whoa…" Mido's ghost gaped. "I always wondered if the trees around here were made of metal."

"See!" Link said, "Let's head back."

"Wait! I've got an idea!" Navi exclaimed. "Link, give me your Ocarina!"

"Don't you have one? Use that instead," Link said.

"I…um… Mine won't work!" Navi bit her lip, "Just gimme yours!"

Link handed Navi the Ocarina of Time. Navi wiped off the mouthpiece on Link's shirt. Navi, using every limb she could spare to play Saria's song. Navi's body jolted.

"HEY!" Navi let out, "Do you want to talk to Saria?"

"That melody?! Saria plays that song all the time! You…do you know Saria?" Mido's ghost asked.

"Well, do you want to talk to me then?" Navi's body pulsed.

"Yeah, I guess so…" Link replied.

"Link, try to keep moving!" Navi's body pulsed.

"No, I was talking to Mido," Link said, "Er… Mido's ghost. Augh, this'll take some time to get used to."

"That song…Saria taught that song only to her friends," Mido's ghost muttered to himself.

Link pondered all the moments when he heard the other Kokiri whistle, play, or hum Saria's Song. No instances came to mind. Wow. Was he Saria's only friend?

"Okay…I trust you, even though it goes against my better judgment," Mido's ghost sighed, "When I see you…I don't know why, but I remember…him…"

"The Great Deku Tree?!" Navi and Link said in unison.

"No," Mido's ghost sighed, "Bah, forget it."

"Who's him and why him?" Link asked.

"Never mind!" Mido yelled.

Mido politely let Navi pass. As soon as Link tried to go through, Mido planted his transparent feet firmly.

"Hey! What's the big deal!?" Link asked Mido.

"I don't trust you!" Mido told Link. "Only she played the song! How do I know that you're not a Stalfos or something?"

"Um… By just looking at me?" Link asked.

Mido's ghost eyed Link suspiciously.

"But she played the song on my ocarina!" Link protested, "Doesn't that count for anything?"

"No!" Mido shook his head.

"Auugghhh…" Link groaned, "This is why I didn't like you."

"Relax, he's with me!" Navi told Mido.

"Are you sure?" Mido asked. "He could have just been any random guy that followed you here…"

"But she played my ocarina—" Link protested.

"Just let him through," Navi sighed. "If he gets feisty, I'll take him down."

"Fine," Mido huffed.

"Wait, what?" Link blinked.

"Come on, let's go!" Navi said.

Mido's ghost hesitantly walked over to the side, and let Link through.

"Well, we must be on our way! Bye Mido!" Link waved.

"Stop acting like you know me!" Mido yelled back.
 
Link continued following the yellow brick road—I mean the tire tracks, and soon arrived at the place where he met (and killed) Afatufivomany.

"Ahhh…" Link sighed wistfully. "This place brings back memories…"

"Yeah," Navi shuddered. "Of the inside of a Wolfos's jaws…"

"Don't badmouth Afatufivomany!" Link snapped, "Besides, he probably has a bigger fandom than you!"

Navi sniffed, "That really hurt, you know."

"Sorry, Navi," Link said.

"Why does everyone hate me, anyway?" Navi sighed. "Sure, we just broke the fourth wall, but I just can't figure it out!"

Link wandered closer to the edge of the maze. Navi's body pulsed. Link stopped in his tracks.
 
"Uh-oh," he paused.

"From here on, we'll be going through some narrow passages! If you take it slow, maybe you can sneak up on some enemies," Navi twitched, "Use Z-Targeting to always look in the proper direction. Set your view so you can see down the next corridor before you turn a corner. Once your view is set, hold down Z to sidestep around the corner. That way you won't be surprised by an enemy waiting in ambush."

"That another one of those spit-out-obvious-nonsense moments?" Link asked.

Navi sighed, "Yep. Unfortunately."

"I'm really beginning to hate those…" Link sighed.

"Hey, imagine how I feel," Navi huffed.

"And you mentioned something about 'Z-Targeting'. The one Ingo spoke of… What is it?" Link asked.

"I have no clue…" Navi muttered.

"Whatever… We should probably head through the maze…" Link told Navi.

"Why not just take the camper van shaped holes instead?" Navi suggested.

"Wow, I keep forgetting about those."

"Obviously."

"Hey!"

Unfortunately for Link, Life was never that easy. As soon as he took one step into the corridor, he got tackled by a…monster of sorts. It looked like a mutated bulldog gigantic gopher…thing. Seriously, what was Ganondorf thinking while making some of these monsters? Ahem. Anyway, The giant gopher bulldog thing pinned Link against a nearby wall.

Of course Link struggled, "Hey! Ow! What are you doing?! What did I ever do to you?"

It grunted weirdly in response.

"Pardon?" Link asked. "Didn't quite catch that."

"I don't think it speaks English…" Navi told Link. "Or Hylian, or any understandable language if you ask me."

"What's English again?" Link blinked.

As if it was a computer operated NPC, the bulldog gopher thing gazed upon Navi, and pinned her against the wall too. Absentmindedly, it let Link go when it tackled the fairy.

"Well! See ya later!" Link grinned.

Link bolted.

"Link! Get back here!" Navi yelled in her custody.

Link was either out of earshot, or he just didn't care. Navi groaned.

"Augh! That's it!" Navi snarled. "FAIRY SMASH!"
 
Navi punched the gopher bulldog in the face, and the events that followed were too graphic too describe.
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It didn't take long for Navi to catch up to Link, for she had a suspicion of where he was headed. Navi flew up over the maze, and up the stairs to see Link standing in front of the tree stump. The Forest Meadow. This was the place where Saria plays her ocarina, Navi remembered. Or…used to play her ocarina. The entire Meadow hadn't aged a day. The tree stump…the ledge where the Scrubs band had played…the large tree that had been failed to be mentioned chapters ago, still seemed to have little to any value… Even the campervan was still smashed into the wall. Sure, Navi admitted to herself, it had a bunch of moss dangling from the backdoor, but apart from that, everything still looked the way it did before they had left.

Navi looked over to Link. Who had been taking in his surroundings as well. She paused. This place meant even more to him than it did to her. Sure, she went to High School near here, but those days weren't exactly 'cherished memories'.

Navi flew over cautiously, in order to not to make the atmosphere any worse than it already was.

"Link…I…" Navi bit her lip. "I'm so sorr—"

"You know, something just occurred to me," Link stroked his chin, "Instead of going to Kakariko Villiage, why couldn't I have just climbed the tree?"

"Uhh…" Navi blinked.

"I have been living in the forest for my whole life," Link huffed, "You think I would have thought of that."
 
"Link, let's face it," Navi said, "You were never that smart."

Link's eyes began to tear up, "I what?"

Navi bit her lip, "Oops. Way to go, Navi."

Sheik fell from the sky before Link could burst into tears. Sheik began walking towards them.

"The flow of time is always cruel…" Sheik began. "Its speed seems different for each person, but no one can change it…"

"Oh look who's here to brighten up our day," Navi glanced at Sheik.

Link blinked, "Wait, where'd you come from?"

Sheik spoke a little louder, "A thing that doesn't change with time is a memory of younger days…"

"On the contrary," Navi said, "When you get older, your recollection of your memories tends to grow foggier. So when you're old and grey, your memory is so completely farfetched from the original, that nobody can tell what the original memory actually was."

"Navi, please don't make my head hurt…" Link held his head.

"Sorry, Link."

"Will you let me finish?" Sheik huffed. "I've worked weeks on this monologue, and you two had better not—"

"And you," Link pointed at Sheik. "How did you find us here?"

"Er…uh… I sent you here, didn't I—" Sheik stuttered.

"That makes sense, I suppose," Navi paused. "But it doesn't explain how you knew where we were at the Temple of Time…"

Sheik's eyes darted all around, "Coincidence?"

Link peered at Sheik, "Wait… Are you stalking us too?"

"Link, stop being so deductively smart!" Navi huffed.

Sheik coughed, "Too? What do you mean by that?"

"Seven years ago, it was a random owl," Navi sighed. "Now we have to listen to you babble on about maps and how to operate our status subscreen or whatever."

"Great!" Link flumped over, "Just after we finally lose the random owl, we get ourselves a new stalker!"

"…In order to come back here again, play the Minuet of the Forest," Sheik said.

"Oooo!" Link smiled. "New song!"

"That's it," Navi said. "I'm going to have to find some way to medicate you."

Sheik bent his torso around, and reached into what either looked like a secret back pocket, or directly from his butt. It reemerged with a large harp in hand. Sheik playing a tune on the harp. Link pulled out his ocarina and played along. DUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUUUUUHH!! Link learned Minuet of the Forest! Now Link can warp back to this location whenever he wants! Which is pretty impressive for this time period, considering Hyrule's current technology. Sheik put the harp back in his back pocket. But Link didn't seem to notice, since his focus was on his blue ocarina. It sparkled brilliantly.

"Shiiiiny…" Link drooled.

"Dang, we've really got to get that glitter off sometime," Navi huffed.

"But it's shiny—" Link whimpered.

Navi glared at Link.

"Oh, okay, Navi, if you insist," Link sighed.

"Come to think of it, it's been seven years!" Navi huffed, "You'd think that the glitter would have worn off by now."

Sheik blinked, "Glitter?"

"Yeah, Saria's fairy glued glitter on Link's ocarina—but wait, wasn't that on your old ocarina?" Navi asked.

"Oh yeah…" Link muttered. "Then how did the glitter get on this one?"

Navi shrugged, "Gotta love plot holes."

Another large hole was ripped in the fabric of space of another reality.

"Wait, Navi, I've got an idea!" Link grinned. "Let's make the plot hole even worse by checking to see if there's glitter on the old ocarina too!"

Navi turned a lighter shade of blue.

"Well…um… Okay…" Navi gulped.

Navi pretended to rummage through her pockets.

"Uh-oh… I lost it…?" Navi blushed.

"WHAT?!" Link screamed. "Navi, how could you?! That was Saria's—my bestest of bestest friend—ocarina! And it's been, what? One chapter since I gave it to you?!"

"I'm bad at keeping track of things?" Navi asked.

"GAH!" Link bellowed. "Great! Just great! Now what am I going to do? Go up to her and say 'Hey! Guess what, Saria! I gave your ocarina to my guardian fairy and she lost it!' Oh, yeah. Like that's going to go over well!"

"Is this it?" Sheik asked.

Sheik pulled out an old ocarina out of another pocket. It was very worn and battered, and has a couple specks of rust on it.

"Say… It is!" Navi's face lit up. "What would I do without you, stalker!"

"The name's Sheik," Sheik huffed.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Navi said. "Here, quick. Give it to me!"

"Now hold on a minute!" Link huffed. "Sheik, I'd like to know how exactly this ocarina get into your possession."

"I found it in the moat around Hyrule Castle Town," Sheik shrugged. "It was caught in the drains."

"Really, now!" Link huffed. "You don't say! Tell me more!"

"Uhh, Link, I think we'd better get going now," Navi bit her lip.

"No, I wanna hear this," Link said in a threatening tone. "Go on, Sheik."

"Well, uhh, when I found it, I couldn't quite tell what it was," Sheik paused. "But after some time, patience, and obsessive-compulsiveness, I managed to get off the years worth of rust that had built up."

Link clenched his teeth, "Years worth of rust?"

A still silence fell over the three.

"Weeelllllllll…" Navi chuckled nervously. "Thank you so much, Sheik, for finally finding my ocarina! My pockets really felt empty without it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'vegottogonow,andyouprobablywon'tbehearingfrommeinawhile! Kay! Thanks! Bye!"

Navi flew away as fast as her little wings could carry her. She flew off into the hole in the wall on the ledge.

"Okay, you know what, Navi? I have had it up to here with you!" Link snapped.

"Err…" Sheik paused.

"I can't hear you!" Navi's voice echoed from above. "Huh! Must be the wind! La la la la la~"

"Whenever I say anything, you almost always have a witty retort about how stupid I am! As a kid, I didn't really notice, but now I've had it!" Link yelled.

"Umm… Hero?" Sheik paused.

"Sure, I may not have a day's worth of solid education in my entire life," Link yelled, "and, sure, I can't read a sign for the life of me, but that doesn't mean that you have to pick on me all the time! I can still count! In fact, I know exactly how many rupees I have on me right now! And another thing—"

"Does anybody want this?" Sheik held up Saria's old ocarina.

Link glared at Sheik, "NO! Whatever it is you're asking me, the answer is NO! And don't interrupt me!"

Sheik stared at the ocarina. He shrugged, then stashed it into his butt.

"I'm sick and tired of putting up with your verbal abuse!" Link rambled on, "I'll admit it—I'm an undereducated moron with a limited vocabulary. But that doesn't mean you have to call me an idiot every five seconds! Isn't accompanying you to the mall good enough for you?!"

"Link…I'll see you again…" Sheik sighed.

"And another thing! Calling me an idiot is one thing, but whenever I want to go somewhere that you don't want to go, you always yell into my ear! Sure, it may be O.N.A., but it's still annoying!" Link yelled.

"Link, I'll see you again," Sheik said a little louder.

"Whatever happened to free will? Isn't this a free country?!" Link yelled. "Sure I'm a bit stupid, but can't I be in charge of my own actions for once!"

"LINK, I'LL SEE YOU AGAIN!" Sheik yelled.

Link turned toward Sheik, "What did I tell you about interrupting—?"

Sheik took a couple of steps back, and hurled a Deku Nut at Link's feet. There was a bright flash of light which effectively blinded Link temporarily. Sheik used this time to disappear.

"I hate it when he does that…" Link muttered bitterly.
 
Link tripped over Saria's tree stump. He face planted into the dirt. As soon as he could see again, Link directed his attention to find Navi. From what Link knew of Navi, she could have been at the other end of the temple by now. But he got a nagging feeling that Navi wasn't all that far in. That is, unless she was really good at picking locks or something. Link chuckled. No, that couldn't be the case.
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Link entered the Forest Temple by use of the Hookshot. Yes, it was actually useful for once. Over the next hour or two, Link scrambled his way across the dungeon. Eventually he acquired some arrows. He entered a room with three paintings on the walls, and began shooting them to relieve stress.

"Stupid Navi…" Link muttered.

When the arrow hit the canvas, it burst into flame.

"She thinks she's soooo smart, doesn't she?" Link grumbled. "Well, let's see how high and mighty she is when I cut off her wings…"

Link shot another painting. It too erupted into flame.

"She'll probably…" Link grumbled.

Link aimed his bow to the last painting in the room.

"Ahh! Wait! No!" came Navi's voice. "What are you doing?!"

Navi flew around the corner.

"You can't just shoot a piece of artwork like that!" Navi buzzed. "What if its priceless! It could sell for millions!"

"Yes, it's soo priceless that there's three of them that look exactly the same," Link rolled his eyes.

"You're so reckless!" Navi said. "You can't just shoot arrows at paintings!"

"Knowing art nowadays, you could probably sell the paintings with the arrows in them," Link sighed. "Say that you're trying to make a statement or something."

"Link, that would be smart if the paintings didn't burn up whenever you shot them," Navi groaned. "So stop trying to be smart, it's not working out for you—"

"No!" Link raised his voice. "You stop! I'm sick and tired of you calling me an idiot!"

A Poe peeked its head out of the painting.

"I didn't call you an idiot," Navi said. "I said you should stop trying to be smart—"

"Same thing, isn't it?" Link snarled.

"Don't you take that tone with me!" Navi hissed.

The Poe came forth from the painting, carrying a torch. It was red in colour, as was its torchlight. It stared at the two.

"And stop acting like my mother!" Link yelled.

"I only act like your mother since you can't do anything without me!" Navi huffed. "Without my guidance, you would be totally lost! Not to mention that you're not allowed to have parents—"

"Oh, Farore!" Link rolled his eyes. "Why can't I have a nice guardian fairy like Saria's or Maria's fairies? At least they were nice!"

The Poe blinked.

"Ivan's even stupider than you are!" Navi protested. "And Aurora's a goodie two shoes! Trust me, you would not want fairies like them!"

"Well, I certainly don't want a fairy like you!" Link yelled. "At least Saria and Maria managed to befriend their fairies!"

"Maybe you would befriend your fairy too if you actually shut up and listened to her for a change," Navi crossed her arms.

"Most of your advice is crap anyway!" Link retorted. "Come on, how many Obvious Nonsense Attacks have you had so far?!"

"Well, I'm sorry for being—" Navi yelled.

"Excuse me," the Red Poe spoke up. "Some of us around here are trying to get some sleep—"

"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!" Navi snarled.

Navi whizzed over to Link's shoulder, and unsheathed the Master Sword. She swung it at the Poe. The Poe died instantly. The torch it held went out, and a lantern turned on nearby.

"You could have asked before using that," Link glared at Navi.

"Again! I just saved your butt!" Navi said. "That shouldn't be happening! You're the main character, right?"

"Hey—"

"Shut up, and let me think," Navi paused. "Now where was I? Ah, yes…I—"

Another Poe peeked out of the wall. This one was primarily green, and carried a flame by the same colour.

"Hey! That was completely unnecessary!" the Poe yelled. "Why'd you have to kill Joelle like that?"

"What did I say about interrupting?!" Navi snarled.

Navi flung the Master Sword at the wall the Green Poe peaked out of. It landed dead center, and even stuck out of the wall for a while. Needless to say, the Green Poe died.

"Now, back to you, Link," Navi huffed.

"Amy!" the Blue Poe sniffled.

Navi flew over the sword, yanked it out, spun around, and took out the Blue Poe coming down the stairs.

"Is there anyone else?" Navi yelled. "Or can I finally chew this guy's ear off in peace?"

"Actually, I'm still here…" the Purple Poe flew through the door.

Navi tackled the Purple Poe and ran it through. As to be expected of a ghost. However, like the others, this sword somehow managed to kill the Purple Poe. The purple flame from the torch it held vanished.

"Anybody else?" Navi's eyes darted around. "Anybody? Anybody?"

Silence greeted her.

"Okay, good!" Navi huffed. "Now what was I saying?"

"Dunno," Link shrugged. "You were going to nag me about something, but you didn't really finish your sentence."

"Oh," Navi paused. "Dang it. I forgot too."

"So… Navi…" Link paused.

"What now?" Navi sighed. "What else about me annoys you?"

"No, no, I'm just want to ask you something," Link paused.

"Uh-huh. Sure you do."

"No, I…" Link groaned. "Look, Navi, I'm sorry. I said some things I shouldn't have, and I was just a little upset with you about how Saria's Ocarina—"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Navi sighed. "You were just being completely honest with me. And the truth is, you don't have the highest opinion of me, right?"

"I never said that," Link said.

"Well, to be honest, you wouldn't be the first," Navi said. "But, whatever. Let's just get this dungeon over with—"

"Navi, can I ask you a question?" Link asked.

"Sure, go ahead," Navi sighed. "Can't hurt, right?"

"Why do you follow me?" Link asked.

Navi held her breath.

"That's a long story," Navi sighed. "You sure you want to listen to me ramble?"

"I'm all ears," Link smiled.

"Ahhh, where to begin," Navi paused. "Well, I come from a long line of Guardian Fairies… You know, it's a common occupation among the forest fairies, right?"

Link blinked, "What's an 'occupation'?"

Navi rolled her eyes, "Whatever, it's not important. Bah, let's just keep going—"

"Oh come on, Navi!" Link said. "You know everything there is to know about me! Be fair and spill the beans."

Navi sighed, "Alright, alright, already. So, anyways, my grandparents were Guardian Fairies, my parents were Guardian Fairies, so growing up, everybody expected me to become a Guardian Fairy too."

"Why?" Link asked.

"Because my parents were, idiot!" Navi buzzed.

"Huh," Link paused. "I guess that's one of the disadvantages of having parents, then."

"Are you going to let me talk about myself or are we going to finish this dungeon?!" Navi huffed.

"Sorry."

"Okay, so," Navi paused. "Where was I? Right. Well, when I got older, I thought 'I don't want to be a Guardian Fairy', and I tried out a whole bunch of other jobs I could get. I took cooking for a while until Ivan burned the school down, and my marks were really low in that class. Though, I was killer in Botany. But you can't really make a living off of that class."

"Marks? Class?" Link asked. "So, what are thos—"

"Anyway, I ended up taking a bit of Guardian Fairyship, and turns out, I suck at it, too," Navi shrugged. "Even Ivan got higher marks in that class than I did because he got points for 'niceness' or whatever."

"You get points for being nice?" Link asked.

"I didn't," Navi laughed. "Frankly, all the teachers wanted to get rid of me. And, heck, I was glad to leave. Anyways, in one of our cooking classes, Ivan burned the school down, and I haven't been able to get a job doing anything else than Guardian Fairyship. So, the Great Deku Tree took pity on me, I guess, and let me hang around…and…yeah… That's about it."

"So, that means…" Link paused.

"Yup," Navi smiled. "You probably would have been better off without a fairy than with me…"

"Great," Link said. "I've got the worst Guardian Fairy there is."

"And I got the worst Kokiri there is," Navi chuckled. "Fair, isn't it?"

"Nope," Link smiled.

"Totally," Navi grinned. "Not to mention that I've got the obvious nonsense moments on top of it all…"

"Oh yeah!" Link chuckled. "There's that too!"

"Man, Link!" Navi laughed. "You've got it bad!"

"Not to mention that Rauru expects me to save the world," Link grinned. "Sheesh! The world is a bloody wreck!"

"Speaking of saving the world," Navi said. "Shouldn't you get back to that?"

"Eh heh heh," Link chuckled nervously. "Yeah, I guess so…"

"Well, thanks for putting up with me," Navi said. "I know it's not easy, and not many people can. But…"

"And thanks for sticking up for me," Link smiled.

Link and Navi walked into the next room.
________________________________________________________________________

When Link entered the main room, all four torches were lit, and a strange booth of sorts was sticking out of the floor.

"Hmm…" Link paused. "I don't quite remember the room quite like this…"

"Oh right," Navi paused. "I guess the lights were already out when you arrived."

"Pardon?" Link asked.

"Basically, those Poes I took out had stolen the torchlight," Navi explained, "so when I took them out, this booth thing showed up."

"Oh," Link said. "That's convenient."

Link entered the booth, which turned out to be an elevator to the bottom floor.
________________________________________________________________________With a convenient time skip, Link soon found himself in the boss's room.

"Wow, the writer's being lazy," Link said.

Navi looked around, "Well, this dungeon seems to like paintings, since there were paintings in some other rooms, and—oh no."

"'Oh no' what?" Link asked.

"Link, tell me that's not who I think it is…" Navi paled.

Link looked around, "Who are you talking about?"

"Navi!" came a voice.

Ivan tackled Navi, and gave her a great big hug. Navi struggled to get free.

"G-Get off of me!" Navi turned a light pink.

"Ivan, what are you even doing here?" Link asked.

"Saria got eaten by tennis horsies," Ivan explained.

"Um, what?" Link blinked.

"Link, it's Ivan," Navi rolled her eyes. "Do you expect him to make sense?"

"Touché," Link said.

Link walking into the center of the octagonal room. On each wall there was a large painting, and all of them were identical. A dark, creepy forest with a dirt path running down the center.

"Pssh," Link smirked. "I could do better than that."

"Wooowwww…" Ivan gasped in awe.

Navi slapped her forehead.

"Well, there's obviously nothing here," Navi sighed. "So we'll just have to try out another room."

"But this is the boss's roo—" Link began.

"And it's obviously empty, so let's go," Navi said.

"Okay," Ivan smiled.

Link shrugged, and began to leave the way he came, when spikes shot up in front of the only visible exit.

"It's the Art Gallery from Din's Lair!" Link yelled.

"Well, that failed," Navi paused. "Link, have you ever considering jumping over things for once in your life?"

"Okay, it's not that bad," Link said.

Link's ear twitched. He heard the sound of footsteps. No…a horse…a horse trotting… Link looked around. All he could see was the paintings. Link looked around some more. Wait. He saw something move. Link squinted. Coming down one of the dirt paths in the paintings, was a figure of a man on horseback. Wait, Link paused, was it getting…bigger? Before Link knew it, the man on horseback leapt forth from the painting, and flew through the air. It threw a tennis ball at him. The tennis ball nailed Link in the face. The horse and horseman landed in the painting at the other end of the room.

"Oww…" Link rubbed his nose. "My face…"

"D-Did I just see who I thought I saw?!" Navi's jaw hung open.

"Who?" Link asked.

"Tennis horsies that ate Saria?" Ivan asked.

The galloping footsteps seemed to get louder all too soon, and the horseman leapt forth from the painting. Link looked upon the face of what seemed to be none other than the balding monkey himself…Ganondorf.

"Ganondorf?!" Link took a step back.

"Link, the narrator just said that," Navi hissed.

"But what is he doing here?" Link asked. "Zelda's jewelry is nowhere in sight!"

Link looked back just in time to see Ganondorf rip off his face, revealing a decorative skull. The horseman leapt back in the painting.

"Well…" Navi paused. "We know who's been decorating his skeleton in his spare time."

"No, I just can believe that is actually Ganondorf…" Link paused. "It's like a shadow of Ganondorf…no, a puppet of him…or a tool…or a toy, even…"

The horseman popped his head out of a painting, "Phantom Ganon!"

"Or a Phantom!" Link exclaimed. "Here, to make things easier, lets call him Phantom Ganon."

Navi groaned, "What, are you going to give names to all the woodland creatures now too? How about his horse? You gonna name that horse of his too?"

"What a great idea!" Link exclaimed. "Ivan, how do you like Poweropet Jr.?"

"It's toottendous!" Ivan exclaimed.

Sounds of horse disapproval noises echoed from a painting.

"Link! No!" Navi snarled. "We don't have time for this! Just call it Phantom Ganon's Horse and be done with it!"

"But that's no fun," Link frowned.

Phantom Ganon leapt forth from the painting and threw another tennis ball at Link. Link keeled over.

"Oh!" Link let out. "Right in the Deku Nuts…"

"You have Dekus down there?" Ivan cocked his head.

"Um…" Link bit his lip.

"No time to chat!" Navi yelled. "Link, for Farore's sake, do something!"

Phantom Ganon rode out of the painting, and soared through the air, throwing another tennis ball in his wake. Before the ball had the chance to take out Link's eye, Navi grabbed the ball, and hurtled it at the phantom. It missed, however, and hit his horse. The horse hit the ground, screeched to a halt, and sat down. Phantom Ganon hopped off.

"Oh come on…" Phantom Ganon muttered. "Not now."

The horse shook its head. Phantom Ganon tugged on the reins. Nothing happened. He tried kicking at the sides. Still nothing.

"You stupid oaf," Phantom Ganon grumbled.

Phantom Ganon kicked the horse. The horse kicked him back, and sent him flying. He hit a painting, and landed on the dirt trail behind.

"Yay!" Ivan exclaimed. "Go horsey!"

The horse straightened itself up and whinnied proudly.

"Hmph! Fine," Phantom Ganon crossed his arms. "If you aren't going to help me, then I'm going to have a tennis match myself."

"Wait, tennis?" Link raised an eyebrow.

Another tennis ball nailed Link in the face.

Phantom Ganon chuckled, "Think fast, pathetic mortal!"

"Great, now you're going to have to play tennis with a copy of the biggest jewelry thief in all of Hyrule," Navi sighed. "What will they come up with next?"

"This!"

Ivan threw two tennis racquets at Link and Phantom Ganon respectively. They both reflexively caught the racquets, though Link's hand missed, and his racquet fell to the ground.

Navi stared at Ivan, "Ivan, where the Din's Lair did you get those?!"

"I gave them to me," Ivan grinned.

"Right," Navi paused. "Why was I expecting a logical answer from you?"

"Heh heh heh…" the Phantom cackled from above. "Time for you to meet your doom!"

The Phantom took out another one of his tennis balls and hit the ball down at Link. Link managed to hit it back, but the ball bounced off an opposing wall, and ricocheted back into Link's face.

"And you!" Navi yelled. "Get on the ground and make this fair!"

Navi plucked the tennis ball from Link's face and nailed the Phantom in the stomach. He fell to the ground. His horse whinnied with delight.

"I think your horse is laughing at you," Link paused.

"Shut up, do you think I don't see that?" the Phantom growled.

Phantom Ganon pulled out another tennis ball, and threw it at Link. Link hit it back at the phantom. Phantom Ganon hit it back to Link. This continued for quite the while.

"Link, hurry up and win this match!" Navi yelled.

"Well, what do you suggest I do?" Link yelled hastily.

"I dunno! You're the hero! Just think of something!" Navi snapped.

Link paused for a moment to think, and barely missed getting hit by another tennis ball.

"Umm…" Link paused. "I got nothing."

"Oh, come on!" Navi huffed. "Think harder! Seriously, what about your arrows? Your bombs? The sour milk? Think of something—"

"Hey, what about that sour milk?" Link asked.

Navi raised an eyebrow, "What about it?"

"I could use it to defeat Phantom Ganon!" Link grinned. "Here, just watch!"

Navi groaned, "Link, that is the stupidest thing I've ever—"

Link pulled out the bottle of sour milk, and hit it with his racket.  The bottle hurtled through the air, and hit the unsuspecting Phantom right in the head.

He died anticlimactically.

"It's so evil that it died from looking at it!" Ivan gasped. "It's a miracle! …Or is it a microwave?"

Navi floated in awe, "Okay. Seriously. What am I doing in this fanfic?"

"… How evil is that milk?" Link looked at the bottle hesitantly.

Link walked over to the milk bottle on the ground.

"Link, what are you doing now?" Navi sighed.

Link struck an idiotic pose, "Woot! The power of Evil Sour Milk never loses!"

Link did a little dance.

"I know impaling myself generally isn't a good idea…" Navi paused, "…but I'm seriously considering this option…"

"That's okay, Navi," Ivan smiled. "I like you as a pin cushion."

"Uhhh…" Navi paused.

The ceiling began to laugh.

A voice came from the ceiling, 'Well, boy, you did quite well…'

"What the—?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Ganondorf?" Navi blinked.

'But you have defeated only my phantom…when you fight the real me, it won't be so easy!' the voice of Ganondorf taunted.

"I look forward to the challenge!" Link exclaimed.

Silence responded.

"I think its safe to assume that he's gone now," Navi said.

"I dunno…" Link pondered. "I still feel like we're being watched…"

The ceiling sneezed.

"But, sheesh! That startled me," Navi huffed.

"Yeah, I hope voices don't come from the ceiling in the future," Link said.

Phantom Ganon's Horse whinnied in agreement.

"Oh, wow," Link paused. "His horse is still here?"

"I guess it wasn't affected somehow," Navi said.

The horse nodded.

"Oh Poweropet Jr.!" Ivan hugged the stallion. "Let us be best friends forever!"

The horse grunted with displeasure.

"Speaking of best friends, pumpkins and toasters…" Ivan muttered.

"Yes?" Link asked. "I think you're referring to us?"

Ivan cleared his throat, "Saria wanted to see you…Link… She built this golf cart to transport you to her."

Ivan pointed to a teleportation device on the floor in the corner.

"When did that get there?" Link asked.

"She said some annoying Rauru-man-beast gave it to her." Ivan explained.

"I thought you just said she built it," Navi pointed out.

"I know; she did! With the help of the Wicked Witch of the West!" Ivan grinned.

"Then how could Rauru give it to her?" Link asked.

"He gave it to her for Christmas!" Ivan nodded.

"Riiiighhhttt…" Link paused.

"Just take advantage of the fact that there's a convenient portal on the floor," Navi sighed.

"Okie dokie."

Link walked into the portal. Navi began to fly after him, when Ivan stopped her.

"Navi?" Ivan grabbed her arm.

"Yes?" Navi glanced over at him.

"I've always thought…that… you were the most priest like fairy I've ever met!"

"Please don't make this fanfic any more clichéd than it already is," Navi sighed. "And I think you mean 'pretty' as opposed to 'priest like'. And 'the most pretty' is not grammatically correct."

"So… I was wondering…" Ivan started.

"Yes?" Navi asked.

"Could I join you and the cucumber on your adventures?" Ivan pleaded.

"Cucumber?" Navi raised an eyebrow. "Oh wait. You mean Link, don't you?"

"Saria twitched me so…well…you know," Ivan paused. "I have no one to talk…"

"You mean 'ditched', and 'stalk', not 'twitched' and 'talk'," Navi shook her head.

Ivan looked at Navi with watering eyes.

"And I guess someone has to make sure you don't be too idiotic."

Ivan's face lit up, "Thank you, Navi!"

Before Navi could protest otherwise, Ivan flew up to her and hugged her around the middle. Navi turned a hot pink.

"I-I-Ivan!" Navi stuttered.

Navi looked down. Ivan seemed too engrossed in the moment to even hear Navi. Navi sighed, and smiled.

"Thank Nayru that nobody is watching this…" Navi muttered.

Phantom Ganon's horse whinnied. Navi froze and turned an even deeper shade of pink.

"Portal?" Navi asked.

"What mortal?" Ivan blinked.

Navi sighed, "Portal."

Navi flew into the portal with Ivan still clinging to her stomach.
________________________________________________________________________

Navi and Ivan teleported to the Chamber of Sages.

"What are you two doing?" came a voice.

Navi turned around to see Link watching the two fairies. Link wore a puzzled expression on his face. It was then Navi realized that from Link's point of view, Navi and Ivan looked like two blobs of glowing light that were awkwardly smooshed together.

"Oh! Oh! Crap! Uh! Er! Um!" Navi became even more flustered. "T-This isn't what it looks like! He's only hugging me! Nothing more!"

"Oh, okay," Link shrugged.

There was a pause.

"Right," Navi sighed. "I forgot. You never learned about the birds and the bees."

"I know about birds and bees!" Link protested. "While birds have feathers, and bees don't, they both have wings. Just like you two."

"Case in point," Navi said. "And Ivan, get off me."

"Aw, okay," Ivan frowned.

As Ivan let go of Navi, Saria rose up from the raised green platform on the floor.
 
"Hi!" Saria waved. "Sorry about the delay! I had to finish up a phone call with Maria. I blame the delayed reception on the tree rot."

"Saria!" Link exclaimed. "It's so great to see you! What are you doing here?"

"Link, you dummy, she's the Sage of the Forest Temple!" Navi said.

"Ohhhhhh…" Link nodded slowly. "That would explain why Ivan was in the Art Gallery from Din's Lair."

"What?" Saria paused.

"Saria, do you need hearing aids?" Link asked.

"Not…that I…was…aware of…" Saria twitched.

"Then Sheik LIED TO US!" Link yelled. "That back stabbing jerk!"

There was a pause.

"Anyways, I just wanted to thank you…" Saria smiled.

"For what?" Link asked.

"First of all, for befriending Ivan since I can't anymore," Saria started. "Sagely duties are so demanding, what with Ganondorf having taken over the world and all…"

Link spun around, "Wait, we befriended him?"

"Weeeee! Hi, cucumber!" Ivan exclaimed.

"Eh heh heh…" Navi bit her lip. "About that…"

"Second of all, because of you, I could awaken as a Sage…" Saria grinned. "Which is kinda important right now since the world is in shambles."

"Oh, wow," Link said. "Cool."

"See? I've even got a nametag!" Saria pointed to her nametag. "Here. It says: 'Hi, my name is Saria. The Sage of the Forest Temple'…"

"Wow!" Ivan exclaimed. "That super duper, Saria!"

"Who is that nametag for anyway?" Navi asked. "Are you expecting the other Sages to forget your name or something?"

Saria sighed, "It's required. Rauru is bad with names."

"Oh."

"Anyways," Saria turned to Link, "I always believed that you would come."

"Awww… Thanks…" Link grinned sheepishly.

"Because I know you…" Saria told Link.

"Wait, what are we talking about again?" Link asked.

"No…" Saria held up a hand. "You don't have to explain it to me…because it is destiny that you and I can't live in the same world. I will stay here as the Forest Sage and help you…"

"But…wait, what—" Link started.

"Just take the Medallion already…" Saria huffed.

Saria lifted her arms above her head, and a green disc descended into Link's hands. DUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH NUUUUUUUUHHH!!! Link got the Forest Medallion! Sniff…sniff… Ahh… It has the faint smell of evergreen forest.

"Air refreshers!" Ivan exclaimed.

"Uh, thanks, Saria?" Link blinked.

"By the way… Link…" Saria paused.

"Yes?" Link asked.

"Could you do me a favor?" Saria asked. "For old times sake?"

"Link, I don't like where this is going—"

"Sure!" Link exclaimed.

"Could you pay off my fine?" Saria asked.

"What?" Link asked. "Your fine?"

"I parked my Camper Van in a 'No Parking Zone'. It's been there for seven years… The fine per day was 90 rupees," Saria chuckled nervously. "Didn't you see the sign in front of it?"

"Well, yeah," Link scratched his head. "I vaguely remember something like that… But the sign was so bent out of shape that I couldn't read the front of it!"

"Let me do the math for how much that would be… 90 x 365…" Navi muttered to herself.

"Whatever. Ifyouwouldjustpayitforme,thatwouldbegreat,thanks! BYE!" Saria said quickly.

Against his will, Link was warped out of the Chamber of the Sages.
 
"Saria will always be…your friend…" said the voice on the wind.

"LIAR!!!!" Link retorted.
________________________________________________________________________

With that, Link was transported right in front of the Great Deku Tree's dead corpse. It must have been something about hanging around the dead tree that made Link strangely emotional. Either that or teenage hormones. Nobody could really tell.

"So, if we pretend that the ninety is like a ten," Navi pondered, "and then multiply that answer…"

"To think," Link sniffled. "I considered Saria to be my friend!"

"So, the five and…" Navi paused. "Oh, bah. Screw it. You're the Math Whiz, Link. Not me. You figure it out."

Link buried his face in his hands, "First you're not my friend…now Saria's not my friend…"

"Wait, what?" Navi blinked. "Since when?"

"Since when what?" Link asked.

"Since when have we not been friends?" Navi asked.

"Since forever."

"Oh come on, Link!" Navi huffed. "I've known you for seven years! How can we not be friends?"

"For the last time, Navi!" Link snarled. "We have not known each other for seven years! A month or so, at most, but you can't say seven full years!"

Navi raised an eyebrow, "Your boot size begs to differ."

"Gah! You're impossible!" Link groaned.

"You're one to talk!" Navi huffed.

"Boots?" Ivan blinked. "Are we going shoe shopping?"

"And you! Ivan!" Navi pointed at her fairy friend. "You stay out of this!"

"Okay," Ivan smiled. "I like the shoes I have right now, anyway."

"Hey, what's this?" Link asked.

Navi turned to see Link gazing upon a little sprout in the ground. Dramatic lighting was shining on it, so Navi determined that it had to be important somehow. Link bent down to better examine the sprout, when it exploded in his face.
 
"AHH!" Link fell over backwards.

"Hi there! I'm the Deku Tree Sprout!" the sapling exclaimed. "Because you and Saria broke the curse on the Forest Temple, I can grow and flourish! Thanks a lot!"

"Well, um," Navi paused. "You're welcome?"

Ivan was ecstatic, "Don't mention it! I've always wanted a porcupine!"

"Navi, I think my nose is broken…" Link whimpered.

"Walk it off, you wuss," Navi said.

"Hey, have you seen your old friends?" the Deku Tree Sprout asked.

"No…" Link raised an eyebrow. "Not really… Wait, what happened to them? Did Ganondorf get them too? Were they hiding jewelry from the government!?"

"None of the recognized you with your grown-up body, did they?" the Great Deku Sprout asked.

"He just said he didn't see any of them—" Navi said.

"That's because the Kokiri never grow up! Even after seven years, they're still kids!" the Deku Sprout grinned.

"I knew that," Navi huffed. "The Kokiri never age. What's so special about that—"

"Whoa!" Link gasped. "So that's why they were so much taller than me when I was a toddler!"

"Because they were on stilts?" Ivan asked.

Navi face-palmed.

"You must be wondering why only you have grown up!" the Deku Tree Sprout said.

"Yes!" Link exclaimed. "Tell me all your infinite wisdom, oh newborn tree sprout!"

"Well, as you might have already guessed, you are not a Kokiri!" the Tree Sprout grinned.

Link slapped his cheeks. His mouth hung open.

"I'm not?!" Link gasped.

"He's not?" Navi raised an eyebrow.

"He's not a tree stump?" Ivan asked.

"You're actually a Hylian!" the Great Deku Tree Sprout grinned. "I am happy to finally reveal this secret to you!"

"MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN A LIE!" Link's scream echoed through the woods.
________________________________________________________________________

Flashback

"Sometime ago, before the King of Hyrule unified this country, there was a fierce war in our world. One day, to escape the fires of the war, a Hylian mother and her baby boy entered this forbidden forest. The mother was gravely injured…her only choice was to entrust the child to the Deku Tree, the Guardian Spirit of the Forest. The Deku Tree could sense that this was the child of Destiny, whose fate would affect the entire world, so he took him into the forest. After the mother passed away, the baby was raised as a Kokiri."

End of Flashback
________________________________________________________________________

The Deku Sprout grinned, "And now, finally, the day of Destiny has come! You are a Hylian, and were always bound to leave this forest."

"A LIE, I TELL YOU! A LIE!" Link screamed.

"Link, shut up already," Navi huffed. "You're hurting my ears."

"And now…you have learned your own destiny…so you know what you must do… That's right…you must save the Land of Hyrule!" the Great Deku Sprout exclaimed.

"AAHHH!" Link screamed.

"WILL YOU BE QUIET!?" Navi yelled.

"Now, Link, break the curses on all the Temples, and return peace to Hyrule!!" the Great Deku Sprout told Link.
 
Navi's body began to twitch.

"It's a Tickle Me Navi!" Ivan gasped.

"That cloud over Death Mountain…there is something strange about it," Navi gargled.

"Uhhh… Good for the Mountain?" Link asked.

Navi glared at Link.

"Oh right. O.N.A." Link sighed.
________________________________________________________________________

"So, um, what?" Navi blinked. "What are we doing in the Lost Woods?"

Navi was right, for Link was running through the Lost Woods. He stopped.

"Navi, listening to your O.N.A. always advances the plot," Link said. "And I don't feel like doing that right now. Anyway, Ivan! What's taking so long?"

Ivan came huffing and puffing into the area.

"I-I'm…huff…sorry…puff…" Ivan wheezed.

"Link, Ivan had to be Guardian Fairy for a Kokiri who just sat on a tree stump all day for who knows how many years," Navi explained. "I very much doubt Ivan has kept in shape."

"Shape?" Ivan puffed. "Of course I'm in shape. I'm a circle, aren't I?"

"Technically a sphere," Link pointed out.

Link ran into the part of the forest where Mido stood guard. Navi flew in shortly after him, however Ivan was still left in the dust.
 
"And what are we doing here?" Navi crossed her arms.

"Come now, Navi!" Link smirked. "I just saved Saria's butt. I think I am entitled to some bragging rights."

"You're going to brag about yourself to a guy who not only does not recognize you, but is also dead?" Navi raised an eyebrow.

"Yup!" Link grinned.

"I fail to see the benefits—" Navi groaned.

"Hey, Mido," Link sneered. "Guess what I did today!"

"You again!?" Mido's ghost huffed. "Can't you let me rest in peace?!"

"Ha ha ha," Link chuckled. "Nice try. But after all that crap you put me through back then, I don't think so."

"Back when?" Mido's ghost blinked.

"Give the dead a break, Link!" Navi hissed. "Look, Mido, what we've come here to tell you is that Saria is off doing important stuff, and she doesn't need you to guard this place anymore."

"Spoil sport," Link mumbled.

"Oh…I see…" Mido's ghost muttered. "Saria won't ever come back…but…I…I made a promise to Saria…"

"That jerk!" Navi huffed. "Exploiting the dead like that! Really!"

"Wait, what promise?" Link asked.

"If Link came back, I would be sure to tell him that Saria had been waiting for him…because Saria…really…liked…" the ghost began.

"Oh, yeah, Saria had a huge crush on me. I know that already," Link smirked.

"You? But she's never met anyone from outside the forest," Mido's ghost pondered.

"…You're so dense sometimes," Link paused, "it's a wonder how you became leader of the Kokiri in the first place…"

"Hey, you," Mido's ghost turned at Navi. "If you see him somewhere, please let him know."

"Will do," Navi said. "If I ever see a Kokiri boy garbed in green and exploring Hyrule Field, running around in circles, being chased by Stalchildren then I'll let him know that his best friend had a crush on him. Easy as pie. That is, if the Stalchildren don't eat him first."

"Uhhh… What?" Link raised an eyebrow.

"Quiet, Link," Navi whispered.

"And also…" the ghost muttered. "I'm sorry about being mean to him. Tell him that, too."

"Sure thing," Navi said. "Those Stalchildren don't stand a chance."

"Huh?" Link paused.

Ivan came flying in.

"Y…you guys…!" Ivan wheezed. "Stop…g-going…huff…so fast…!"

An idea struck Link so hard that he could have fallen over. He cupped his hands around the little fairy and held him out to the dead Kokiri.

"Here! Take Saria's fairy!" Link grinned. "She ditched him, so…think of it as a housewarming present!"

"But I'm dead. I can't get housewarming—"

"Shut up and take him," Link said.

"Whoa! It's dark in here!" came Ivan's muffled response.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Navi yelled at Link. "Have you gone insane?!"

"Just trust me," Link whispered.

Link handed Ivan to Mido, who somehow held the struggling fairy.

"So, wait, um, what?" Mido's ghost blinked.

"IhavetogoandsaveHyrulenow,sodon'tevenbotherfollowingme! BYE!" Link grinned.

With that, Link shoved Navi into his hat, and sped off. A confused ghost of Mido was left in Link's dust.

"Thanks…?" Mido raised an eyebrow.

"Weeeee! Why am I being kidnapped by a bulldozer?" Ivan smiled at Mido.

Dead silence. Mido stared at Ivan. This was going to be a LOOONNG afterlife…
________________________________________________________________________

Link trotted merrily through the forest. Navi flew up behind him.

"W-What was that?!" Navi was aghast.

"I just got rid of Ivan," Link grinned. "Now he won't be an annoying third wheel in our adventures!"

"Hold on now," Navi said, "don't be so certain. We still have at least four more fanfics to go."

Before they knew it, Link had wandered into a part of the forest where a Kokiri girl stood. Link smiled at this friendly face—it was Maria! Link walked over to the young Kokiri girl.

"Hey, Maria! It's been a while," Link waved. "What's up?"

"That guy isn't here anymore," Maria said.

Link blinked, "Uh, what guy?"

"Shush!" Maria's fairy snapped at Link.

"Nice to see you too, Aurora," Navi sighed.

"Anybody who comes into the forest will be lost. Everyone will become a Stalfos, everybody. Stalfos. So, he's not here anymore," Maria hummed.

"He who?" Link asked.

"What makes you think I know?" Navi muttered.

"Only his saw left. Hee hee," Maria giggled.

"He had a saw?" Link asked.

"That medicine is made of forest mushrooms. Give it back!" Maria huffed.

"What medicine?" Link asked.

Link spun around to see a random skull kid who was making medicine.

"Okay, okay…" the Skull kid sighed.

The Skull kid then waddled over to Maria and gave her the medicine he was making. DUN UN UN UNN! Maria gave the Skull kid the Guy's Saw! Umm… Good for him?

"Heheheh? Are you going to be…too? Heheh!" Maria asked Link.

"Maria…" Link paused.

"This is what's become of the Last Kokiri's Leader? Sheesh. No wonder the village is in shambles," Navi huffed.

"Shush, Navi," Link said. "Let's see if she's run out of dialogue."

"Look, I'm sorry about the way she's acting…" Maria's fairy cut in. "She's just been acting oddly ever since Link left the forest, seven years ago… She liked him… And…"

"Oh come on, first Saria, now Maria? Who's next, the Random Owl?" Navi asked.

"Sweet! I'm Mr. Popular!" Link did a little dance.

"Hey! I'm trying to give my crazy Kokiri a sad backstory!" Aurora huffed. "Will you stop interrupting me?!"

Link grinned, "No."

There was a pause.

"You two are strange…" Aurora sighed.

"That's because they'll become Stalfos!" Maria exclaimed.

"Like me!" the Skull kid exclaimed.

"But you're not a Stalfos!" Maria pointed out.

"But this is what happens to little kids who enter the forest! They become Skull kids!" Skull kid explained. "Haven't you ever read my description with your Up Button Command?"

"No! And I don't need to," Maria huffed. "That's because they become Stalchildren! Not Skull kids!"

"No way!" Skull kid protested. "Skull kids!"

"Stalchildren!"

"Skull kids!"

"Stalchildren!"

"Skull kids!"

"………Let's get out of here…" Link said with widened eyes.

"Stalchildren!"

"Agreed," Navi nodded.

Navi and Link fled the Lost Woods for their lives.

"Skull kids!"

"Guys! Guys! Guys!" Aurora cut in. "Maybe you're both right! Maybe they become Stalchildren if they leave the forest, and Skull kids if they enter the forest without a fairy!"

There was a pause.

"No way! Stalchildren!"
________________________________________________________________________

Link decided that the outside was more than enough for him, so he went to the Temple of Time in hopes that maybe Sheik would shut him in again. Sheik stood by the pedestal in which the Master Sword came out of.

"You destroyed the wicked creatures that haunt the temple and awakened the Sage…" Sheik paused.

"Hey! Sheik! I was wondering if you could do me a favour," Link grinned. "Kay, so, I'm in this room, and I was wondering if you could sneak back along the ceiling and steal the Spiritual Stones again."

There was a pause. Link took advantage of this time to grin as widely as he could.

"…But there are still other sages that need your help," Sheik protested.

"Oh, come on," Link huffed. "Please? Pretty please? For old times sake?"

"You'll even get to sell the stones on the Black Market!" Navi added.

"Navi, I thought we were never speaking of that again," Link said.

"As tempting as that offer is, no," Sheik huffed. "In order to awaken all the other sages, you must become even more powerful, and you can't do that from within this room."

"Oh come on!" Link flopped over.

"You must travel over mountains… Under water… And even through time…" Sheik told Link. "Doesn't that sound more fun than being cooped up in this room all day?"

"No," Link said. "Sounds more like a pain to me."

"Travel through time?" Navi gasped. "Sweet! Now I get to see what you look like seven more years in the future! Boo yah!"

"Ew…" Link paused. "I'd have wrinkles…"

"And it doesn't quite work that way…" Sheik spoke up. "You see; if you want to return to your original time, return the Master Sword to the Pedestal of Time."

"Back seven years? How could that be possible?" Navi raised an eyebrow.

"Shut up and stop questioning the logic of this game," Sheik huffed. "Now, before you go, the time will come when you have to return here quickly…"

"And? So?" Link asked.

"I will teach this to you for when that time comes… The song to return you to the Temple of Time… The Prelude of Light…" Sheik explained.

Sheik took his harp out of that mysterious back pocket again. He played a song, and Link repeated. DUH NUH NUH NUH NU NUH NUH NUH NUUUUUHH!! Link learned Prelude of Light! His first warping song! Sweet!

"As long as you hold the Ocarina of Time and the Master Sword, you hold time itself in your hands…" Sheik explained.

Link took a moment to take this in, "Duuuuuuuude!"

"Link, will shall meet again!" Sheik yelled.

Sheik threw a Deku nut at Link's feet, and caused him temporary blindness once more.

"I hate it when he does that…" Link wobbled around blindly.

Link tripped over the Pedestal of Time.

"And what about the glitter glue?" Navi asked. "Wouldn't Ivan's nonsensical logic of putting a sticky and glittery substance on the ocarina have catastrophic time altering events?"

"I dunno..." Link shrugged.

"Wait! Maybe it was Sheik that glued the glitter on the Ocarina of Time!" Navi gasped.

"How?" Link asked.

"I'm not sure..." Navi muttered. "Just spitballing here."

Thus the question still remains to this day: 'When did the glitter get on the Ocarina of Time?' When the more important question that should have been asked was: 'Why does anyone care?'

Since Sheik hadn't locked Link away in the room like the Hylian had hoped, Link finally decided to head to Death Mountain.