*Link's house, nightime. Link is sitting at the kitchen table drinking a bottle of beer. Zelda is sitting next to him, reading a magazine. Mido and Ganondorf are playing Halo 2*

Link: We'd better go to bed early tonight. We can't be late for the show you guys.

Ganondorf: Yeah, yeah whatever. Can't you see I'm busy here.

Mido: Youre going down, pal!

*Mido and Ganon battle it out in a frenzy of Halo warfare. Mido wins with a score of 40 while Ganon's score is 29*

Ganondorf: BAH! You got lucky you tree hugging little turd. Rematch?!

Mido: You know it!

Zelda: You two have been playing that game for three hours now. Give it a rest before you get too addicted.

Ganondorf and Mido: Too late.

*Zelda sighs and continues to read her magazine*

Link: C'mon Zelda why don't we go to bed while these two enjoy their video game antics.

Zelda: But Link its only 9:30. We have to be at the studio at 8:00 in the morning. We can stay up for a while.

Link: Well than why don't we tire ourselves out.

Zelda: What?

Link: You know what I mean.

Zelda: Oh, yeah. I get it now. Let's go.

Link: Goodnight guys.

Mido and Ganondorf: Goodnight, master chief.

*Link and Zelda jump into bed and make love. At 10:45 Mido and Ganon fall asleep after playing too much Halo 2. The next morning the gang arrives at the studio*

Link: Hello everyone and...*Coughs*...scuse me. Welcome to the...*Coughs loudly*....damn marijuana messes my throat up. Zelda be a dear and get me a cough drop.

Zelda: Sure thing *Hands Link a cough drop*.

Link: Thank you. Welcome to the Link Show starring me Link, Zelda, Mido and Ganondorf. Tonight our guest is the father of Malon and the owner of the Lon Lon ranch. Please welcome, Talon.

*Ganondorf opens the curtain but Talon is not there*

Link: Ummm...Talon? Are you there?

*Ingo suddenly appears*

Zelda: Hey, what the hell is he doing here?

Ingo: Well, if you must know. That lazy fat ass, Talon was too lazy to get up to make it to the show so I decided to come and take his place.

*At the Lon Lon ranch, Talon is tied up in the barn*

Talon:*Thinking to himself* As soon as I get out of here, I'm going to rip the mustache off that skinny bastards face!

*Back at the studio*

Ingo: So what do you hoolagins do on this crazy show anyway?

Ganondorf: We do stupid stuff like ask questions, breaks stuff and argue.

Ingo: Not bad I guess.

Mido: How's Malon doing?

Ingo: Oh she's just the red headed, scrawny little bitch I always knew she was. I do all the real work around that crappy, old ranch while the puny brat and her blubber butted father loaf around all day like a couple of imbeciles. I'm ashamed to work for such a loser like Talon.

Link: ALLRIGHT! SHUT UP ALLREADY! Jeez your worse than Ganondorf. Show some respect.

Ganondorf: I think I'm starting to like this guy.

Zelda: I sure as hell don't like him. He's rude and ugly and that mustache is just plain creepy.

Mido: I agree entirely with Zelda.

Ingo: Oh well excuse me ya bunch of runts. Me and Ganon here are the only ones with any common sense. People these days are supposed to be mean. Thats the only way to actually get things done.

Ganondorf: Now this is my kind of guy. Sure he is a bit worse than me but he seems pretty cool.

Ingo: Thank you, Ganondorf. At least he can show some respect for me.

Link: Enough! Your wasting a lot of time with your babbling. Let's get on with the questions. Ingo, how much work do you do?

Ingo: A lot more than you do.

Link: I'm serious what kind of labor do you perform at the ranch. And please, try to be polite.

Ingo: I clean up the horse shit, I trip and fall into horse shit and sometimes smell like horse shit.

Zelda: EWWWW! I knew something smelled in here! *Takes out some air freshener and starts spraying*

Mido:*Wearing a gas mask* Take a damn bathth, Ingo. You smell worse than a hippos ass!

Ingo: Hey! It's not my fault. If those damn horses wathched where they shit than maybe I wouldn't slip into it.

Link: Can you please stop talking about crap already. Let me ask you a normal question. Where did you go to school?

Ingo: Hyrule High.

*Flashback of Ingo as a teenager. He is getting a swirly by a gang of bullies in the bathroom*

Link: So did the rest of us. You still hang out with your high school chums?

Ingo: No, their not my chums, they’re my brutalizing enemies.

Zelda: And college?

Ingo: Hyrule University.

*Flashback of Ingo in his early twenties. Once again he is getting a swirly from the same group of bullies from high school*

Ingo: Is this stupid questioning of your really necessary. What the hell are you, Link, a damn detective or something? I don’t appreciate you asking me all this stupid crap.

Link: That’s exactly the point. I’m supposed to ask you questions you hay stacking, barn bozo!

Ingo: Hey! Don’t you dare talk to me that way you puny little prick!

Zelda: Don’t talk to my husband that way you ugly buzzard!

Ingo: Ah, shut up you fat, ugly harlot! I wasn’t talking to you! Why don’t you go see a doctor to check out that hideous nose of yours!

Zelda:*Turning red* WHAT DID YOU JUST FUCKING SAY TO ME!!!

Ingo: You heard me loud and clear you…hey. Why are you looking at me like that?

Mido: Uh-oh. This is gonna be messy.

*Zelda lunges violently at Ingo and starts beating the crap out of him. Ingo cries out in pain as he flails weakly*

Ganondorf: HEY! Get off of him!

*Ganon tries to pry Zelda off of Ingo but she kicks him in the nuts to get him to back off*

Zelda: Shut the hell up, Ganondork! Ingo insulted me and he must pay dearly. PAY! HE MUST PAY!!!

Ganondorf:*High pitched voice* Oh god, that hurts. Now I’ll never have kids.

Link: MIDO! DO SOMETHING!!!

Mido: All right! I’m calling security right now!

*A couple of security guards come in and pull Zelda off of Ingo. Ingo gets to his feet with a mangled face, he is softly sobbing*

Link: Well, this episode went pretty badly. I think we should end it now. Goodnight everyone.

Zelda:*Heaving in anger* Man that felt good, kicking the shit out of that smelly jerk.

Ganondorf: Uh…guys…my nuts are shattered…ow! It….it’s really painful…I think I need a doctor.

Zelda: Oops! Sorry, Ganondorf. I guess I got too carried away.

*A little while after the show the gang meets outside. A few police cars, ambulances and news vans are in the parking lot outside of the studio. Ingo is loaded into an ambulance and Ganondorf is loaded into another. Inside Ganons ambulance there is a pretty, young nurse*

Ganondorf: Hey baby. My testicles are a bit shattered but I think you can fix that *Chuckles*.

Nurse: Oh, you dirty perv! * Slaps Ganon across the face*

*Saria is making a report at the scene*

Saria: This is Saria live in front of Hyrule Studio where 21 year old Princess Zelda aggressively attacked 55 year old Ingo, worker on Lon Lon ranch. The man suffered a broken nose, several knocked out teeth and a badly bruised eye. During the assault, Ganondorf, the great king of evil was moderately injured in the groin area. Both men are being taken to the hospital for medical attention. This is Saria on Tri-Witness news, signing off.

Link: Hey, Saria. I didn’t know you were a reporter. Don’t you think you’re a little young/

Saria: Link I’m a Kokori. I will always be young. Believe it or not I may look 12 but I’m actually 157 years old.

Link: Whoa! Well Mido told me he was 135. Where is Mido anyway?

*Mido is peeking from behind a dumpster. As Saria walks back to her news van Mido focuses on her butt*

Mido: Damn. Why did I have to break up with her? She’s the only girl for me.

Darunia:*From behind Mido* I agree.

Mido: HEY! Don’t sneak up on me like that. What are you doing here anyway?

Darunia: I work here. I’m the janitor and the garbage man *Empties a trash pale into the dumpster*.

*Later that night at the hospital. Ingo is lying in his bed. Ganondorf is sleeping in the room next door*

Man on intercom: Mr. Ingo, someone is here to visit you.

Ingo: Oh, well I guess that’s nice. At least I have someone to insult so I can have some fun.

*Talon comes crashing through the door*

Ingo: WHAT!? How did you untie yourself?

Talon: Well it looks like I forgot to tell you that Malon was still at the market when you thought she was sleeping.

Ingo: NO! PLEASE! I’M SORRY!

*Next door Ganon is still sleeping when he is suddenly woken up by Ingo’s screaming. An imprint of Ingo appears in the wall behind Ganon’s bed as Talon slams him into the wall*

Talon: That was for stealing my chance to be on the show.

Ingo:*Crying* I just wanted to be on TV.

Ganondorf: Will you guys shut the hell up! I’m trying to get some sleep.

THE END (As in this is the end of this episode. Not the end of the whole “Link Show” series)