[ An enourmous bird known as the Helmaroc King had kidnapped a pirate named Tetra and dropped her on Outset Island, her crew coming to the rescue at the sight of the situation. Shortly after Tetra's rescuing, the Helmaroc King returned, and by doing so grabbed Link's younger sister, Aryll, having mistaken her for Tetra. Tetra wanted to seek revenge on the Helmaroc King, and her plans were to set sail for the Forsaken Fortess, the abode of the monster. Link had overheard and wished to be a stowaway so that he could rescue his sister once he'd arrived. ]

[ Tetra and her crew consisting of Gonzo (her first mate) and Neko (her swabbie) stand out on the sand of the beach, discussing plans for the trip when Link walks into the scene. ]

Link: Hey.

Tetra: What is it?

Link: Can I stow away on your boat?

[ Tetra, Gonzo and Neko look and eachother in unison, then burst out in laughter. ]

Tetra: Uh... let me think this over for a moment. Hmm... NO!

[ More laughter comes from Neko and Gonzo. ]

Link: What's so funny? I'm serious you guys... I need to save my sister...

Tetra: Look, I know you must be sad and all with your sister having been kidnapped by that bird, but that really doesn't have anything to do with us.

[ The Rito postman, Quill, walks onto the beach. ]

Quill: ...And just how do you figure that?

Gonzo: Whoa whoa whoa! Hold it there! What business do you have butting in our OUR conversation, eh?

Quill: Please, all I mean to say is that if you 'fearsome pirates' hadn't come to this little island, all of this would have never taken place.

Tetra: What do you mean by that?

Quill: That bird often mistook that poor girl for YOU!

Tetra: Oh really?

Quill: Yes. Indeed. You both have pointy ears, therefore, she was mistaken.

Tetra: Hold up here! EVERYONE in Hyrule has pointy ears!

Quill: Yes, but yours are freakishly large.

Tetra: WHAT?!

Link: My sister's ears aren't freakish...

Neko: Shut up kid, you have no say in this.

Link: I have no say in this? YOU haven't even talked yet!

Neko: I have now! So ha!

Gonzo: Oy...will you two just shut your pie holes?

Link: Yes.

Neko: No.

Tetra: Gonzo, it's not your job to boss people around, it's mine you back off!

Quill: Now what has fighting ever solved?

[ Everyone looks at Quill. ]

Link: Nothing.

Tetra: All it does is make things harder.

Gonzo: We need to focus on optomism.

[ Everyone smiles. ]

Neko: FIGHTING SOLVES DEATH!

[ Everyone glares at Neko and then attacks him. ]

Neko: Ow! My spleen! My uteris! My bicuspid valve! My tuna!

Tetra: Neko, tuna isn't a bodypart you dork!

[ Everyone piles off of Neko having hurt him badly. ]

Neko: That's what they want you to think, Tetra... and when the Swedish take over, I'll be saying 'I told you so' and remind me of how you never believed me. Then, you'll die, because they'll all kill you... every... last... one. MWAH HAH HAH!

Quill: Silence, swabbie!

Gonzo: Yeah, you whimp. Everyone knows that the Swedish are only a fairy tale.

Tetra: Yeah, gosh. Swedish don't exist you nerd.

Link: Look! All I want is a ride, okay?! I never said there wasn't a catch.

[ Link pulls 500 rupees out of his bag and shows Tetra. Tetra's eyes widen and she gasps. ]

Quill: Have you been to a Fairy Fountain?

Link: No. I have my reasons...

[ In the background, Rose is heard yelling "Where in Din's name are my rupees?!" ]

Link: Uh... I didn't get them from her... really...

[ A trickle of sweat runs down Link's brow. ]

Neko: Well I think you did!

Gonzo: Yeah, you musta stolen those rupees!

Link: No! No I didn't!

Tetra: Oh, well that's too bad... we thought you did. You know, that's very pirate like of you, and we REAL pirates find that, well... very likable.

[ Tetra unbuttons the front of her shirt as she gets closer to Link. ]

Link: ACK! NOOOO! THE HORRER!

[ Tetra pulls out a contract from the front of her shirt. ]

Tetra: Boy, I wouldn't strip for you.

Link: Uh, I knew that.

Tetra: You see this contract?

[ She holds it infront of Link's face. ]

Link: No.

[ Sarcastically. ]

Tetra: WELL LOOK HARDER!

Link: I can already see it, gossshhhhhh... ugh... friggin' idiot...

Tetra: ...

Gonzo: ...

Quill: ...

Link: What? It's from Napoleon Dynamite.

Tetra: Anyway... it clearly states that no people except pirates are allowed on the ship.

[ Tetra tears the contract. ]

Tetra: You can come because you can steal stuff.

Gonzo: Oy... Miss Tetra, that contract was worth 20, 000 rupees.

Tetra: Well, now there's 2, so shouldn't it be worth 40, 000?

Gonzo: No.

Tetra: Well, whatever. Get on the ship Link.

[ Link walks off toward the ship. ]

Tetra: Wait... you forgot something.

Link: Oh, right, a shield!

[ Link runs back to the house and gets a shield. ]

Tetra: Good job! Even though that's not what I wanted you to get.

[ Link frowns. ]

Tetra: I wanted those rupees!

Link: You said I could go on deck without the rupees, beeyotch!

Tetra: No... I said you can come on board because you can steal.

Link: Well forget you and your stupid pansy boat! I'll get a better boat and I'll be there by tomorrow!

Tetra: Suit yourself. Come on boys, we'll dock here tonight.

Gonzo: Aye aye, Miss.

Neko: Yes, ma'm.

[ All of the pirates go back on deck. ]

Quill: Link, are you sure you don't want a ride? I can fly you in a few minutes.

Link: No! I'm sailing!

Quill: Alright then.

[ Quill flies away. ]

Link: Hmm... now where would I find a boat? Ah! There!

[ Link walks over to a rowboat sitting on the outer rim of the island. Without any thought he climbs in and gets the paddles ready. He begins rowing to the west. ]

Link: I declare this ship the S. S. LinkandnotTetraoranyofhercrew, because I am the ultimate captain and she's not but wants to think she is! Yay!

DAWN OF THE SECOND DAY
Dude... that was hecka Majora's Mask

Tetra: Alright, we set sail! Wait... what's that out there in the water?

[ There is a small boat pointing toward the west. ]

Tetra: Hoy! Link!

Link: WHAT?!

Tetra: The Forsaken Fortress is to the north!

Link: I know... I was uh... I was... I was turning my boat around! Yeah, that's it!

Tetra: Why don't you just get out and turn it around?

Link: Uh, because I'll fall and drown... stupid.

Tetra: But Link you're still only 2 feet from the land.

Link: Only because I wanna be! You got a problem with that?

[ A large wave comes and knocks over Link's boat, having flipped it all the way around. ]

Link: BLRAGHHHH!!! YUCK!

[ Link spits out water. ]

[ And so, Tetra left without Link, because he was being really stupid. They went and saved Aryll, killed Ganon, and all while Link was in a coma from the boat accident. That just goes to show you that one of Tetra's mates must have been the REAL Hero of Winds. *gasp* And it must have been Gonzo, because he wears green, and he's strong and has a blade... I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT BUT NOBODY BELIVED ME! Oh, and now I have proof. It's undeniable! You have no choice but to admit it! Now you can't go crying to Miyamoto without saying "Triforky told you so." Feel my evil wrath of doom! Yes! I shall be like Zim and conquer Earth, all because I am smarter than you! MWAH HAH HAH HAH HAH (etc) So fear me Earth monsters! ]